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Just watched the Budd Dwyer video


Mark L

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I've seen enough blood and gore in real life. I don't need to go out of my way to watch it.

 

I was still involved in the greater punk/post-punk scene in the mid-80s when it became fashionable to show Faces of Death and other real-gore-filled shock-flicks behind the band. I can't tell you how many gunshot holes, surgical wounds, beheadings, animal and human deaths, etc, I watched. But it got decidedly old.

 

 

Now, all that said, if you're feeling down and honestly thinking something like that makes sense, I would strongly recommend talking to a counsellor. I'm not completely against suicide -- but it is FAR too often the proverbial 'permanent solution to a temporary problem' -- it's EASY to feel under the boot heel of the world and not be able to see a way out. But there almost always is a better way to deal with seemingly 'impossible' situations. I don't think you and I seem to necessarily talk the same language -- but I have been on the dark, dark side of things and I'd be happy to talk privately any time, either by email or telephone (I can call the UK quite cheaply via my Skype number). Hopefully, I'm on about nothing. But feel free to pm me anytime. :)

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As you know I tend not to talk much about myself, and very few people know me...they know only the work that I choose to make public. But this is an important topic with increasing relevance.

 

I think the reason for a raft of suicides in people, well, my age is it's seen a solution to a permanent problem because after looking at things objectively, you feel that it will only get worse and that there is indeed no way out.

 

My story isn't that atypical. Pretty much everything i worked for was wiped out in the recession, I haven't had a vacation in 15 years, I have to work all day every day, medical expenses to keep my daughter and wife alive have destroyed my finances, and the idea of something like "retirement" is fiction. My body's starting to deteriorate, and men in my family typically only made it to their late 60s/early 70s so I'm not that far away...there probably isn't enough time to turn things around before I go anyway.

 

What's keeping me alive are three things. My daughter, not only because she's not old enough to support herself yet but because it would break her heart; my mother, because I'm the only one left (my brother had cerebral palsy and committed suicide when he just couldn't take it anymore); and believe it or not, Henry Juszkiewicz because he was aware of what I was going through and offered me a home, not just a job, at Gibson. He was a true and compassionate friend when I really needed one.

 

And frankly, I see no long-term future for the planet. It's been abused for too long and people are just too selfish to fix it. The veneer of society is very thin, and it's going to snap soon; it's already starting to unravel. When you see a 7-year-old kid on Facebook holding up a severed head from someone in the mideast, you know that mankind really hasn't progressed that much overall. If anything happens to the grid or transportation systems in this country, it will be the end of society because only a small percentage of the population is self-sufficient, and we've been trained to be selfish since the 60s.

 

I don't think these situations are temporary. In addition to the three reasons given above, I'll stick it out because I do believe the time of your death is determined by a higher power, and it's not a good idea to try and overrule that. Besides, I'm the kind of person who will sit through a really bad movie in the hopes that it will all come together in time for the ending. But frankly, if I didn't wake up tomorrow through no fault of my own, I'd be okay with that. I've had a good early part of my life, and that's more than most people get.

 

I hate to be a downer, and would LOVE to hear an opposing viewpoint that allows for the possibility of things getting better. I realize there could be some huge breakthrough like cold fusion that solves all our energy problems forever, or some kind of planet-wide change in consciousness, like contact with other civilizations or a near-death experience with a comet that would wake people up. I just don't see those happening anytime soon, but I'd welcome being shown that I'm wrong and that the downward spiral I see is a temporary problem.

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I just realized my comments might cause someone to say "You know, he's right...screw it." But the crucial part is that 1) you don't choose when to be born and I don't think it's a good idea to choose when to die unless you're in the middle of it (i.e., euthansia), and 2) you never know what might be around the corner, like what happened with Gibson. The odds may be against something great happening...but maybe not.

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I hate to be a downer, and would LOVE to hear an opposing viewpoint that allows for the possibility of things getting better. I realize there could be some huge breakthrough like cold fusion that solves all our energy problems forever, or some kind of planet-wide change in consciousness, like contact with other civilizations or a near-death experience with a comet that would wake people up. I just don't see those happening anytime soon, but I'd welcome being shown that I'm wrong and that the downward spiral I see is a temporary problem.

 

I don't know if I can give you much towards thinking things will get BETTER, but I don't think they are necessarily any worse then they ever have been, or going to get worse from here on out.

 

Mankind really doesn't have a lot to offer and never has. One of the reasons I've never been a religious person is that I can't imagine that we'd be any Higher Power's idea of Most Intelligent Being In The Universe, and if we were made in God's Image---then that doesn't really say a whole lot for Him, now does it?

 

Simply put---we've always sucked, always been evil, always been selfish, and never been particularly self-sufficient. Most people couldn't care less if they destroy the planet that sustains us because they only care about what they can reap from it TODAY. But my believe is that any regressions technology and "progress" have put upon humans have been offset by the progressions. We're no smarter or dumber or better or worse than our forefathers were hundreds of years ago. We just go about the good and bad things differently. The 7-year old kid with the severed head has always existed. We just get to see it in near-real-time now. Which is something that will probably have both good and bad repercussions for the future of 7-year olds who like severed heads. The more things change; the more they stay the same (as the old story goes...)

 

So like you, I believe I would always choose to stick it out just because I want to see the end of the movie. Even though I know it will continue playing long after I'm gone and there won't be a real end to it anyway. And yes---you never know what's right around the corner.

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As you know I tend not to talk much about myself, and very few people know me...they know only the work that I choose to make public. But this is an important topic with increasing relevance.

 

 

My story isn't that atypical. Pretty much everything i worked for was wiped out in the recession, I haven't had a vacation in 15 years, I have to work all day every day, medical expenses to keep my daughter and wife alive have destroyed my finances, and the idea of something like "retirement" is fiction. My body's starting to deteriorate, and men in my family typically only made it to their late 60s/early 70s so I'm not that far away...there probably isn't enough time to turn things around before I go anyway.

 

What's keeping me alive are three things. My daughter, not only because she's not old enough to support herself yet but because it would break her heart; my mother, because I'm the only one left (my brother had cerebral palsy and committed suicide when he just couldn't take it anymore); and believe it or not, Henry Juszkiewicz because he was aware of what I was going through and offered me a home, not just a job, at Gibson. He was a true and compassionate friend when I really needed one.

 

And frankly, I see no long-term future for the planet. It's been abused for too long and people are just too selfish to fix it. The veneer of society is very thin, and it's going to snap soon; it's already starting to unravel. When you see a 7-year-old kid on Facebook holding up a severed head from someone in the mideast, you know that mankind really hasn't progressed that much overall. If anything happens to the grid or transportation systems in this country, it will be the end of society because only a small percentage of the population is self-sufficient, and we've been trained to be selfish since the 60s.

 

I don't think these situations are temporary. In addition to the three reasons given above, I'll stick it out because I do believe the time of your death is determined by a higher power, and it's not a good idea to try and overrule that. Besides, I'm the kind of person who will sit through a really bad movie in the hopes that it will all come together in time for the ending. But frankly, if I didn't wake up tomorrow through no fault of my own, I'd be okay with that. I've had a good early part of my life, and that's more than most people get.

 

I hate to be a downer, and would LOVE to hear an opposing viewpoint that allows for the possibility of things getting better. I realize there could be some huge breakthrough like cold fusion that solves all our energy problems forever, or some kind of planet-wide change in consciousness, like contact with other civilizations or a near-death experience with a comet that would wake people up. I just don't see those happening anytime soon, but I'd welcome being shown that I'm wrong and that the downward spiral I see is a temporary problem.

 

I hate to continue being a downer, but everyone is going through what you are in one way or another. My savings were wiped out long ago. I am 63 years old and will never be able to retire. I went into bankruptcy in 2002 and lost my recording studio, Yamaha C7Fll, and my optometry practice all in one fell swoop. The one thing that kept me from falling apart and offing myself was my faith in Christ. He uses all things together for good for those who believe in Him and work according to His purposes. I was able to move to a warmer climate than Vermont. My son, 16 at the time, found on monster.com a great position for me in the Naval Hospital at Camp Lejeune, NC and I have been there ever since in the LASIK program. I was able to restore my recording business even though in a much smaller scale. I know some folks are going to flame me for bringing God into this, but what I say is true. He not only saved my soul but my employment situation and He gave my family a new life here on earth.

 

Yes the world is going to hell at a very rapid pace. Being a believer has not been a crutch, but a release of fear and concern about the future. I no longer look at the news as a bad thing, but a confirmation of the prophecies found throughout the Bible. I know with confidence what is going to happen and pretty much when it will happen by the "signs of the times". My worldview, faith and philosophy are all very evident in the music that I write which can be heard on the websites below. I consider it to be Prophecy Rock, not typical cookie cutter Christian music.

 

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