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Presenting the "2006 Curious Things Said in Lessons" post


chipmcdonald

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Note: 2007 is posted at the end of this thread....

 

 

I give guitar lessons for a living. Now and then I hear "curious" things said by students in a lesson, and I write them down on my calendar.

 

I used to post these on the old forum, but I've been absent a few... years.. but anyhow, maybe this will illicit some curious remarks:

 

---

 

THE 2006 SEASON (yellow Lambhorghini Diablo calendar)

 

 

"we have a whole ... junk of them"

 

"I like common sense in the morning"

 

""guitar accessories" .. does that include "guitar"?"

 

"this room is itchiness and your walls are a bunch of eyeballs"

 

"minor octave"

 

(While My Guitar Gently Weeps)= "is that like French clown music?"

 

"see what happens when the soul smiles"

 

ME: "I'm sorry, I can't read your shirt...?" STUDENT: "that's because it's ghetto Jesus"

 

"I tried to follow it with my brain"

 

"hargen flargen matey"

 

"sometimes, if you go fast enough you can get the air to scratch it for you"

 

"I made a song up. It's called "The Death of Life""

 

"yeah... you've got to pay $.50 for a sticker about God"

 

ME: "It's not like you're running laps or some such" STUDENT: "it's worse"

 

ME: "if it's that note, is it major or minor?" STUDENT: "Ok."

 

"hey man... I'm not coming today because I need a nap"

 

"we haven't talked about subversions"

 

"today I think I mistook green for blue"

 

watashi wa= "Whopper sale at McDonald's?"

 

"my thoughts are in my language arts binder"

 

"every note has a shishkabob?"

 

"Ahhh.. I'm allergic to that chord"

 

ME: "which 3 Eagles cds do you have?" STUDENT: "3 of them."

 

"I watched Python's "Search for the Holy Grail" in world history class today"

 

ME: "sharp or flat?" STUDENT: "both."

 

"it's a high pitched flat"

 

"I've never hated Creed as much as now"

 

"maybe you're carbonation intolerant"

 

descending diatonic progression from V to I = "and then, the magical chord"

 

sing AIC lyric: "Herrrrre they come to STUFF the roosterrrrrr"...

 

"I thought maybe your grandma exploded or something"

 

"... but Kurt Cobain didn't do picking!"

 

".. at least I'm trying this time!"

 

""Henceforth" - is that like an old people's saying?"

 

"what do you suggest I learn to play for my ... futhering?"

 

ME: "what's that?" STUDENT: "the music" ME: "no, that cd" STUDENT: "the music" ME: "no, I mean, what BAND is it?" STUDENT: "it's The Music!"

 

"stop making me think, thinking is hard, it should be non-existent"

 

ME: "stay in key!" STUDENT: "stinky???"

 

"you know, thanks to Winnie the Pooh people think bears eat honey"

 

"I feel like I'm watching Tron"

 

"I remember doing it, but I don't remember remembering it"

 

"I dropped my pick, but I'm too lazy to pick it up"

 

"I don't ever want to read anymore books. I hate books."

 

"I haven't fallen lately. No, wait, yes I have"

 

ME: "you went an extra beat" STUDENT: "does that matter?"

 

"it's like a something"

 

"Shut Up" by Simple Plan = Ashley Parker "Let You Go" = Goo Goo Dolls "Stay with You"

 

"will this do the thing with the whatever?"

 

"yeah, it's great... Randy dies 7 times!"

 

"wow, that's brisk!"

 

"it's in the middle-back"

 

ME: "I saw there's a new Thai restaurant in Aiken" STUDENT: "there's a nude tiger in Aiken?"

 

"I need to dust this guitar. It's become dustified"

 

"No, I just can't think."

 

 

STUDENT: "what do you mean, "ring"?" ME: "what happens when you strike a bell?" STUDENT: "it.... bings?"

 

"I ain't trying to sound terrorist"

 

allen wrench = "swirly thing"

 

ME: "so, why were your glasses $800?" STUDENT: "because they were expensive!"

 

"what's a frolic?"

 

"do you read stuff like that, those book things?"

 

"It's not the best job in the world, I process human remains."

 

 

ME: "you can't hurt yourself counting"

 

"is that Jeff Beck?" (Nigel Tufnel VW commercial")

 

 

"well, actually we have the option to stay home since we're all going to die"

 

"we're on soft lockdown"

 

"I did it incorrectly... but I did it!!!"

 

"no... but if I made a bomb, it would suck your lungs out"

 

ME: "what comes after E?" STUDENT: "nothing."

 

"I've had an optionally good day"

 

"I'm too metal to do that."

 

"was the guy here not before me?"

 

3rd worse=2nd best"

 

"supposedly I hear they're HUGE in North Augusta" (suburb of Augusta Georgia)

 

"the urge for soul is not to be reckoned with"

 

ME: "ok, follow through" STUDENT: "what does that mean?"

 

"is a compound sentence, like, when you have a comma?"

 

"at the fair I ate fried Oreos with powdered sugar, a Philly cheesesteak, Italian sausage and fries, and a friend's nachos with butter on top"

 

"what you talking?"

 

"I write with my right hand, so I look at my right hand while I play"

 

"this finger goes, like, ... "ahhhhh!""

 

 

 

and the winner, 2006 Most Curious Thing Heard in a Lesson:

 

"The next time I go to Korea I'm going to try dog, and have my sweat glands removed"

 

 

_________________

]]Everything is important but nothing is more important.... Apparently.

// "What other occupation can starve so pleasantly? - L. Paul[[

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Apparently a bandmate of mine has been lurking here and has suggested I post the old ones from my message board...

 

 

2006: The Curious Things Said in Lessons Sketch addendum - 2003 (the Van Gogh calendar):

 

 

I say "Don't run that note into the next"

Student: "where is it running to...?

 

"I'm going to ask my magic 8-ball what sex my car is so I can refer to it properly"

 

"I have pimp-ass vision"

 

"We've been trying, but our minds don't work too good"

 

"Notice how bad ass I am: I didn't take off my leather (jacket) and it's 90 degrees outside"

 

"It's like I ate a bunch of hotwings and forgot to wash my hands before going to the restroom"

 

.. student, on the subject of the music style of "Blind Guardian": "They're not quite "Camelot""

 

Me: "Give me an example of a gimmick"

Student: "Oodles of Noodles Ramen Noodle"

 

(student refering to a Floyd Rose allen wrench): "I would clamp it down, but I don't have the unclamper"

 

"I go to Southgate... it's like the ghetto private school"

 

 

student, describing a paper for school: "I get to do a medieval story, with submarines and zeppelins"

 

...student refering to the pickup selector: "it... I dunno... switches the gears"

 

"How can we truly taste the crayon, when we cannot prove it exists?"

 

"The rainforest stress relief technique" (not quite sure who said that or what it meant...)

 

student: "2nd period is ok. 3rd period is ok. 4th period is BORING. 5th - taught by Carol Channing"

 

student refering to a family vacation" "we went to the mountains. If I wanted to go farther from technology, I would have to join the mennonites"

 

.. student refering to a band's recording: "the only real thing is the synth"

 

"the interval between 1 and 2 is... L"

 

"DO I LOOK LIKE A BUDDHIST TO YOU???"

 

student, refering to papers requiring teacher's written comment/evaluation: "there's whiteout and a scanner, I've done it before!"

 

Me: "an enharmonic note is a note with two names";

Then I ask: "What is another name for the note Bb"....

student's answer: "a note with two names"

 

 

2003 WINNER BEST QUOTE OF THE YEAR:

 

 

"My parents went Arthur Anderson on my room"

_________________

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(an assortment from pre-2003)

 

 

"I'm too busy thinking about Raelians!"

 

"Probably maybe" - (on the subject of "can you make the recital?")

 

"No" - (answer to the question "is there a whole step or a half step between the 2nd and 3rd degree?)

 

"G minor" (answer to the question "what intervals are in an A minor chord?")

 

"archipelago" (arpeggio)

 

"Tom Petty looks like Moses"

 

"Those things we were doing" - (name the intervals)

 

"where's my zen garden?"

 

"I played with a metal band last nigth. It was gay; they had a lead bass player"

 

"to quit the feedback" - (function of the pickup selector)

 

"all I found is this clown stuff, with people shaking tamborines" - (on the subject of trying to find Al DiMeloa recordings)

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THE 2004 GRAND PRIX CALENDAR:

 

"I can't play today because I ate too many pancakes"

 

"The upcoming friday is the fifth friday so my disciple won't hurt you" (?)

 

On the subject of the diatonic scale: "that's Star Wars stuff?"

 

"I have no idea. I'm not good at thinking"

 

On the subject of the film _A Clockwork Orange_: "I remember laughing hysterically"

 

"Is this one of those mindless exercises? Good..."

 

"Did you have silent reflection?"

 

"In newspaper reading class"

 

"I just felt like climbing a tree. It had good branches, trust me....."

 

"Stop destroying my dreams!!!!"

 

:I'm ready to have my soul removed"

 

"$5 gets you a porno at Best Buy... and that is the "best buy"....

 

Bach = "Clown piano music"

 

"You know, Nile"... "as in Egypt?" "right, well, Melekesh, their theme is actually Mesopotamia"

 

"Rome - think about it: the perfect Metal time period..."

 

"You know, black metal.. It's not so much "oooooooorggh" but more "AAARRRRRGHhh"

 

"Panel of silence"

 

On the subject of a curious kitten with a pink scarf: "I'm showing my power"

 

"hey... having you heard of the band "Dying Fetus"?"

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THE 2001 FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT CALENDAR (also known as "the Sticky Note Art Project":

 

 

"Flawed pseudographic money" (?)

 

"it's the pickup decider" (pickup switch)

 

"alphabet of the guitar?"

 

"octubulic fifth?"

 

"*this* third finger?"

 

"wait.. are you playing the diodes?"

 

"I knew a lot of vocabularly stuff"

 

"screwed up me now!!"

 

"NEIL DIAMOND ROCKS!!!!"

 

"Do it come with pickup chips?"

 

"I'm havcing a problem with the first felt"

 

"I want to be the next Rommel" (13 yr. old student)

 

"The one before the other one"

 

"I want one of those... Seymour Duncan iniquity pickups"

 

"I haven't hooked up my cornea yet"

 

"what are the 3 things in everything?"

 

"it's the archipelago"

 

"it's getting me there through all the the Mylanta"

 

"which one is my third finger? There could be 2 third fingers"

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THE 2005 SEASON - (Ansel Adams calendar)

 

 

"I was scared to go outside because there were ants in the sky fort" (???)

 

ME: "it's the alphabet" STUDENT: "it's a different alphabet"

 

"You know, I have an outside turtle" (as opposed to an inside one...?)

 

"I feel weird... like.. I've accomplished something....?"

 

ME: "where on the G string is the note "E"?" STUDENT: "open..?"

 

"man, I haven't thought in awhile...."

 

"I'm a mortal, I can't do that crazy stuff!"

 

"my mom wants me to learn "Crazy Train""

 

Hot Topic = "Satan's shop at the mall"

 

"I don't consider piano an instrument, but a coffee table"

 

"wow... jazz is harder than rock..."

 

octave = "O'Clause"

 

ME: "What is the other cliche I told you about?" STUDENT: "death"

 

"My guitar is called "Zesty Mo Senior"

 

"I remember this, but I don't remember this"

 

"but I'm not magical, I need help with this!"

 

metronome="Satan in a box"

 

"my band started as a bluegrass band, but now it's jazz-metal"

 

"I had all the history and crap about it"

 

"I smite you with my chemical thing"

 

"I made the highest average grade in my pod" (???)

 

On the subject of a capo: "I saw one of these in a Chili's commercial!"

 

"my mom thinks I'm part ferret, except I don't smell as bad"

 

"I named my tonsils "George" and "Frederica""

 

"I'm going to have a new cow"

 

"...do you want me to listen to music...?"

 

"I have ridden the short bus...."

 

"I tuned it, but it didn't believe me"

 

ME (on the subject of why a student's metal band used a cursive font for their logo) STUDENT: "because the devil has good handwriting!!!"

 

".. am I out-of-tuning it..?"

 

"I practiced... once"

 

"I treated my hermit crabs badly, and they committed suicide"

 

"look at my guitar!!! I have black springs!!!"

 

ME: "it's the San Andreas (fault line)" STUDENT: "no, that's a game"

 

"You know.... that band with Bill Murray.. No, wait, I mean Freddy Mercury"

 

"I'm a very good driver. I've been driving golf carts since I was 4"

 

"sarcasm is fun. It prevents me from killing people"

 

"you are a liturgical piece of crap"

 

Vibrato bar/bridge= "that woo-woo thing"

 

Head of a screw: "that X-part"

 

"as long as I'm progressing forward"

 

(has "sail away" scrawled on knuckles) "it's the only 4 letter words I could get away with"

 

"did your lamp go to mardigras?"

 

 

 

..AND NOW, FOR THE 2005 "ODDEST THING SAID IN A LESSON" AWARD:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

""My mom is getting me an appointment for glasses...., since I'm confusing spotlights for bunnies"

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Amazing.

 

Have you ever thought of starting a bumper sticker business? Seriously... you have untapped resources here. I'd be happy to have almost any of these on a T-Shirt. Pick one at random and slap it on a black tee.

 

"Minor Octave"

 

"Wow. Jazz is harder than rock"

 

"Sarcasm is fun. It prevents me from killing people" (That one's true actually)

 

"You know that band with Bill Murray... No wait, I mean Freddy Mercury"

 

 

They're all gold.

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Have you ever thought of starting a bumper sticker business? Seriously... you have untapped resources here.

 

 

I'm thinking of maybe making t-shirts, actually - if I find time to remember.

 

Hmm. Actually, I need to remember that, I could do it seasonally I suppose...

 

 

The problem is that those are culled from about 100,000 "not so curious or entertaining" quotes that are probably giving me dain bramage on a daily basis....

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OOH! I HAVE ONE!

 

just last week;

 

"i dont want to know all the technical stuff about how sound works, or about electricity. i just want to know how to run the gear"

 

in reference to "intro to live sound and live recording"

 

:eek: :eek: :eek:

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