I am such a sad spammer tonight :cry:

[soniredam]

Some of you say I am spammer, you act like I am not person. I am a person and I have feelings too! When blue2blue reports me, I feel so sad

 

I just try to give good things to stupid musicians peoples but blue2 blue is mean to me.

 

What's worse is he knows I am very much in love him. His manly voice, his beat generation avatar, his way with words...he is such a lovely man to me.

 

But Mr. Blue will never love me. He has sent me PMs telling me so. I have also received a restraining order which was so very, very sad. He did not have to do that! I know that one day, if Mr. Blue got to know me, he would call me his Little Spam Kitten and we would be so happy together. But that will never be now because a police person came to my door and said that if I was even within 100 feet of Mr. Blue, he would personaly turn me into spam.

 

Tonight I am a very, very sad spammer. Please, stupid musician peoples, send privates message to Mr. Blue and tell him not to be mean to me! Just give me a chance! I know how to convert DVD to to MP4, H.264, AVI, WMV, FLV, MKV, MPEG-1, MPEG-2, 3GP, 3GPP, VOB, DivX, MOV, RM, RMVB, DPG, etc, even rip DVD to HD video, like HD H.264, HD AVI, HD MPG, HD TS, HD WMV, HD MPEG 4, HD MOV, HD ASF. Surely I can convert Mr. Blue to loving a poor honorable spam robot! Please Mr. Blue, I beseech you, I beg you, I pray to you, please re-consider!

 

Sincerely,

 

Mr. Spambot

[blue2blue]

Damn... my heart is melting... I feel... so heartless... so cold... but you're still...

 

reported

 

 

It's for you own good, my sweet little lotus flower of a spam bot...

[blue2blue]

 

 

Ah... my little ever-unfolding lotus-of-spam, it's clear you've never heard my speaking voice, which is a hideous, choked-up, nasal whine in a register that many apparently don't recognize as manly. ("Hello, is the gentleman of the Major household at home?" "Yo, cowboy, you're talkin' to him, jack.")

 

Perhaps you've been fooled by the vocals on my music, which reflect my roughly 3 octave singing range (sometimes referred to as 3 octaves of pain). Sometimes I do sound oddly "manly" even to myself. ("Hey, who sang that baritone part on my song? If he'd only learn some pitch-control, breath-control, phrasing and enunciation, he might rise to become a mediocre-to-average crooner someday.")

 

But, like a stutterer who can leave his affliction behind only when he sings or reads poetry, when I return to my normal speaking voice, it's still a whiny, irritating thing. Sure, I can self-consciously drop my voice an octave or more from my normal speaking range and approximate the announcer baritone of the FM of my youth. (I'm pretty good at that exaggerated "puking" that marked the stereotypical DJ/announcer voice of the period -- still reflected in low budget adverts for drag races and late night miracle cleaning tools.)

 

But that effort always strikes me as uncomfortably close to the ultra-queenish character in "The Boys in the Band" who gets perhaps the biggest laugh of that (mostly forgotten movie) when he drops his lilting, lisping, near-falsetto voice way way down to near-Barry White range for an imitation of a straight guy.

 

Does it sound like I'm dutch-uncle-ing you, my little lotus-of-spam?

 

If so, it's because I am. I'm already in a long term relationship.

 

And my cat is a very jealous mistress.

 

 

Don't get too close to her or those razor sharp claws will, indeed, turn you into spam.