Members Tullsterx Posted July 15, 2016 Members Share Posted July 15, 2016 Band: Ezra Tull Album: The Dark Side of Honey Basically two guys writing and recording some songs again. Did one album before with me doing almost everything. Though I'd share and get comments on our stuff as we get started. Here's the first submission: If I Were You Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 16, 2016 Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 Band: Ezra Tull Album: The Dark Side of Honey Basically two guys writing and recording some songs again. Did one album before with me doing almost everything. Though I'd share and get comments on our stuff as we get started. Here's the first submission: If I Were You Yeah, I like the track and the tune. I'd like to see the lyric written out though. It makes it easier to comment on the words, extol their good points and make suggestions if necessary, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tullsterx Posted July 16, 2016 Author Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 Fair. But I'm not so sure how I feel about that. In a way, in music, the lyrics should be experienced as performed. It's not the same thing at all, to read them. For instance "Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?" could be expressed in a tone that suggests "Desperado, you're a despicable fool" or "Desperado, you're really a gentle soul who's lost his way." And I think the latter is really expressed in the tone of the song.and the delivery of the lyric. But, that said, here you go: If I were youI'd want someone goodIt's trueI would If you were meYou'd want to stay for goodIt's trueYou would So, now you're gonna give me upYou're reaching for that golden cupI'm sure we'll both be happy, but for nowI'd say, this sucks If I were youI would see right throughMy liesI know its true If you were meCould you let you goCould you cutThese ropes So, I'm not big on strict rhythmic pentameter or rhyming. And, these lyrics are meant to describe a sense of loss and longing with a dark undertone. Like the specific reference to "These ropes" not "Those (theoretical) ropes" at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 16, 2016 Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 Fair. But I'm not so sure how I feel about that. In a way, in music, the lyrics should be experienced as performed. It's not the same thing at all, to read them. If I were you I'd want someone good It's true I would If you were me You'd want to stay for good It's true You would So, now you're gonna give me up You're reaching for that golden cup I'm sure we'll both be happy, but for now I'd say, this sucks If I were you I would see right through My lies I know its true If you were me Could you let you go Could you cut These ropes So, I'm not big on strict rhythmic pentameter or rhyming. And, these lyrics are meant to describe a sense of loss and longing with a dark undertone. Like the specific reference to "These ropes" not "Those (theoretical) ropes" at the end. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted July 16, 2016 Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 . . . In a way' date=' in music, the lyrics should be experienced as performed. . . .[/quote'] Yup. I never realized just how true that is until George Harrison died. My boss asked me to find a good Harrison quote for our newsletter, and what I discovered (and my boss completely agreed when I showed her a bunch of his lyrics) was that without the music, his lyrics are nothing. "I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping"? That's not at all a criticism of his lyrics. George was writing songs, not poetry or chamber music. He wrote music and words that fit together to create something more than the sum of the parts. . . . I'm not big on strict rhythmic pentameter or rhyming . . . . Right again. I remember writing out the words to "Heat Wave" and realizing that as long as the music has enough beats in it, you can drop the words wherever you want. The goal is to sound good, not to fit a syllable grid. Your song is solid. Good words, good singing, good chords, good fill and solos, good arrangement. The only weak point for me (and this might be just a matter of taste - if you're happy, that's what matters) is that the drums don't rise to the occasion. Not as soulful as the rest of the tune. They're loud enough and steady, but they're marching mechanically outside the song instead of clicking in with everything else. Pre-recorded? Synthetic? A beat track? If it's not a live drummer, that 's worth considering at some point - if not for this song, then maybe for the next. If it's you or your buddy playing drums, you might want to look around for a third co-conspirator who groks your style. But that's minor, and it's just one very non-professional opinion. You have a good tune there. Thanks for posting it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tullsterx Posted July 16, 2016 Author Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 Yeah, I agree with the drums. They add too much to the plodding rhythm. It's already plodding enough. I'll take another look. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 16, 2016 Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 You have a good tune there. Thanks for posting it! I agree. It's very good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tullsterx Posted July 18, 2016 Author Members Share Posted July 18, 2016 FYI, here's and updated link with new drums. And the original link is updated as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lubeck Posted July 20, 2016 Members Share Posted July 20, 2016 Really like it ! It reminds of a McCartney solo tune but I can't remember which one. Prefer the drums on the second link. This is good job :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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