Dreamwall - new WIP

[oldgitplayer]

Sitting in my local coffee shop this morning watching life pass by. Opened up the Moleskine to see what I last wrote, and immediately started writing instead.

 

Here's a 1st draft of something that has a circular motion about it.

It probably needs a better title, and it's going to need the best kind of music.

 

Any thoughts on these beginnings?

Does it sound like anything you know?

 

Dreamwall

 

Instrumental Intro (0.15)

 

V1 (0.30)

When the soft sunlight falls A

Across my bedroom wall A

And the fragments of my dreams all melt away B

It’s when new thoughts are born C

And gather in the morn C

To uncover secrets of the day B

 

Instrumental interlude (0.15)

 

V2 (0.30)

When the soft moonlight falls

Across my bedroom wall

And all images of the daytime disappear

It’s when sleep comes to visit me

And I slip forgetfully

To new dreams drawing near

 

Instrumental interlude (0.15)

 

V3 (0.30)

When the soft sunlight falls

Across my bedroom wall

And the fragments of my dreams all melt away

It’s when new thoughts are born

And gather in the morn

To uncover secrets of the day

 

Instrumental Outro (0.30)

[rickidoo]

Lovely, and clever.

 

verse 1 is the guy going to sleep or waking up?

 

Rick

 

 

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

Well - if he was a nightshift worker, he could be going to sleep, but this chap is waking with the sun.

[rickidoo]

The first verse I interpreted it as evening, going to sleep, dreaming, awaking and during that awaking period is when the days consciousness comes into being. The confusing part with that interpretation is that sunlight goes up on a wall when the dusk comes assuming it comes in from a window.

 

Just my interpretation.

[rhino55]

It's nice. With the right instrumentation/arrangement it could probably work as is. It might be stronger if V1 was not repeated as V3.

 

2 ideas: If you wanted to bump V2 to V3, you could start a V2 with "when the daylight stalls, across my office wall..."

 

The other direction would be to give us a third verse or possibly bridge that gives some meat, perhaps some why. It currently does a great job of describing what's happening, but we've got nothing to make us care about the character.

[LCK]

Sitting in my local coffee shop this morning watching life pass by. Opened up the Moleskine to see what I last wrote, and immediately started writing instead.

 

Here's a 1st draft of something that has a circular motion about it.

It probably needs a better title, and it's going to need the best kind of music.

 

Any thoughts on these beginnings?

Does it sound like anything you know?

 

Dreamwall

 

Instrumental Intro (0.15)

 

V1 (0.30)

When the soft sunlight falls A

Across my bedroom wall A

And the fragments of my dreams all melt away B

It’s when new thoughts are born C

And gather in the morn C

To uncover secrets of the day B

 

Instrumental interlude (0.15)

 

V2 (0.30)

When the soft moonlight falls

Across my bedroom wall

And all images of the daytime disappear

It’s when sleep comes to visit me

And I slip forgetfully

To new dreams drawing near

 

Instrumental interlude (0.15)

 

V3 (0.30)

When the soft sunlight falls

Across my bedroom wall

And the fragments of my dreams all melt away

It’s when new thoughts are born

And gather in the morn

To uncover secrets of the day

 

Instrumental Outro (0.30)

 

I'm not a fan of "morn." Maybe you could use morning instead? After all, "and gather in the morn..." is six syllables long but "and I slip forgetfully" is seven. So I think morning would work in a nice, off-hand way.

 

Got music yet?

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

It's nice. With the right instrumentation/arrangement it could probably work as is. It might be stronger if V1 was not repeated as V3.

 

2 ideas: If you wanted to bump V2 to V3, you could start a V2 with "when the daylight stalls, across my office wall..."

 

The other direction would be to give us a third verse or possibly bridge that gives some meat, perhaps some why. It currently does a great job of describing what's happening, but we've got nothing to make us care about the character.

 

Good feedback Rhino. At this point, this is just the coffee shop draft which needs to settle in my mind before exploring where to take it.

 

Option 1: Keep the current format and build the circular pattern of waking / sleeping musically.

 

Option 2: Your suggestion is a good one - extending the sun movement cycle to include the daily routine. At the moment I want to musically pursue the transition times of day and night and keep it somewhat esoteric in its mood. But that might change as it develops.

 

Option 3: I wondered about developing a character narrative while I was writing it, but followed my instinct to keep it non-narrative and focus on musical mood. I'm planning on using 2 melodies - one for the verses and another for the instrumental interludes that musically will serve as instrumental choruses. Yeh - it's a bit ambitious for my limited musical skills but I need to challenge myself a bit here.

 

Anyway - you've got me thinking……..thanks.

[oldgitplayer]

 

I'm not a fan of "morn." Maybe you could use morning instead? After all, "and gather in the morn..." is six syllables long but "and I slip forgetfully" is seven. So I think morning would work in a nice, off-hand way.

 

Got music yet?

 

 

No music yet.

I take your point on born / morn rhyme. I'll try singing it as a born / morn-ing rhyme and see if I arrive somewhere with it.

Thanks for the input.

[nat whilk II]

I'm hearing this set to something hymn-like, maybe acapella for the verses with instrumental interludes between them.

 

I like the simple repetitive structure of the whole thing a lot. Wordsworthian or something.

 

nat whilk ii

 

[oldgitplayer]

 

I like the simple repetitive structure of the whole thing a lot. Wordsworthian or something.

 

nat whilk ii

 

Thanks - that is what I hoped to achieve lyrically. Now the task is to carry it musically in a very English sort of way. That is if I can get Pat Boone out of my head singing 'Love Letters in the Sand'.

When I started humming my lyric in my head, I found the metre was very similar to 'Love Letters'…...

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

I've found my musical direction on this one. Handel has given me a lead in with the appropriate mood.

I've always been a chord based composer, but this time I want to use the baroque method of ground bass + primary melody (vocal) + counterpoint melody (instrument).

I'll be way out of my skill set and comfort zone attempting this, but I think I need the challenge.

[mbfrancis]

I'm late on this but I like this a lot. I definitely hear the music being something moody or atmospheric, could be hymnal, but something that builds. Can't wait to hear the next round.

[oldgitplayer]

I'm late on this but I like this a lot. I definitely hear the music being something moody or atmospheric, could be hymnal, but something that builds. Can't wait to hear the next round.

 

Thanks - glad you like it a lot.

I'm still working on the arrangement. I only wish I was a 'real' musician.