Members nat whilk II Posted July 23, 2015 Members Share Posted July 23, 2015 Ok, I tossed this out, fresh out of the brainpan, quickly made, needs what?Musically, something simple and ominous-folky like Eve of Destruction but not so melodramatic.. The Howling of the Dog the end of painthey smilingly explainhe'll be at restit's all for the bestonce it was done(they'd brought a gun)I felt like I was falling in fogand only thing I clearly recall at all is thehowling of the dog we all stand byand duly sighso many lostthe heavy costwhat can be doneagainst their reasons and gunsand we reel as we're falling in fogand again the thing that I recall is thehowling of the dog to the onewho has the gunthere's always reasonit's the season for actionso take control,put a stopit's the principle of the thingand a second shot tore through the fogand stopped the howling of the dog nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 23, 2015 Members Share Posted July 23, 2015 Good lyric, but I'm not sure about folky / ominous.Maybe forget Eve of Destruction which is an inyerface protest howl.Think Universal Soldier which is a gentle appeal to reason orThe Green Fields of France (No Man's Land) by Eric Bogle which is pure pathos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 23, 2015 Members Share Posted July 23, 2015 not the subject matter, but the feel and sense of the music: [video=youtube;19MLI6dLq0E] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 26, 2015 Moderators Share Posted July 26, 2015 the end of painthey smilingly explainhe'll be at restit's all for the bestonce it was done(they'd brought a gun)I felt like I was falling in fogand only thing I clearly recall at all is thehowling of the dog Nice. A couple lines feel a tad lacking in conversational tone that the rest enjoys. Strictly concentrating on V1 to make my input clear. they smilingly explain Kind of a clunky word. With an odd smile, he explained? The fog line as well. The 'falling in fog' syntax implies a universal, recognizable sensation, but the image is unique. I love it but it doesn't give me the nad kick you're going for in its present state. I'd make the fog part of the actual scene. felt like I was falling through this "Divisadero/Louisiana/pick-yer-locale" fog Or not. My digs a plenty. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted July 26, 2015 Members Share Posted July 26, 2015 I like songs this one, the ones that force your imagination to complete the story. "Ode To Billy Joe" is like that. Your first shot happens before your song begins, and the song builds up to the second shot. So we have to ask ourselves questions: Who fired the first shot. Why? Was it the dog that got shot or its owner? We create a story in our heads. Even if you sprinkled a clue or two into it, it would still have that effect. "Eve of Destruction" always sounded kind of perky to me, more scolding than grim or dire. You might go for something more slow and ominous. I'd make it swampy, but that's just me. "The Ballad of Hollis Brown" gets there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted July 28, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 28, 2015 Thanks for the input - greatly appreciated >>OGP - I looked up the songs you referenced. Found Buffy Saint-Marie singing The Universal Soldier - nice tune, that. Couldn't find Eric Bogle's Green Fields of France, but found a bunch of other people covering it - even Dropkick Murphys singing it straight up without yelling (!!) and a version with Joss Stone (channeling Gladys Knight) backed up by Jeff Beck (sounding more like Clapton than Beck oddly enough). Will there ever be protest songs again? That are not nostalgic reheats or punk flip-offs meant to simply offend? >>Lee - as the musical side is slowly evolving, I have started repeating the "falling in fog" line, so each time it appears, it gets said twice. I'm thinking the simple repetition will help people form their own image, link their own mood, fill in the blanks. "Smilingly" - my lyrics get sort of literary-sounding at times, people tell me and I already knew it. The word comes out with a bit of a lilt when I sing it, so I'm ok with the sheer sound and singability of it. My worry is that it's just a bit out of use, a bit of Lit Anthology about it. But it's such a good word - it's such a compact way to say "with an insincere, patronizing smile". I have to stick with it. >>Delmont - yes, that's my idea exactly, to hint at a larger story - I make the quick sketch, listeners shade and color it in. The trick is how to evoke with minimal clues ('tho the music itself will set a mood) - there's a W H Auden poem about a secret agent with the line: The bridges were unbuilt and trouble coming. Obviously there's some story behind the situation in the poem, but the details are not the point, you get the unease and grimness right off. I've been tweaking at numerous points - I'll post up a soundclip and the revised lyrics in a day or three - nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 30, 2015 Members Share Posted July 30, 2015 I'll post up a soundclip and the revised lyrics in a day or three - nat whilk ii Can't wait to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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