Members rickidoo Posted July 20, 2015 Members Share Posted July 20, 2015 I don't know how many dogs and cats are abandoned each year by their owners, some because they are less than caring, others because they can't provide food and shelter for their own family, but in either case it's tragic. I might expand on this depending on the reaction. Abandoned©Rick Dieffenbach 2015 There was a time.... in my lifewhen you were by my side Then one day, you were goneI guess you had to move on CHORUS:Abandoned, AbandonedWhy did you have to go? Abandoned, AbandonedNo one to call my ownand no place… to call my home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 20, 2015 Members Share Posted July 20, 2015 You know what? I love it. At first glance of the lyric, I was thinking... this is going to be way too short. But it works... nice, wistful, to the point. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 20, 2015 Members Share Posted July 20, 2015 Rick - this is nice. Music and lyric feel very right together.The only aspect that didn't sound right to me was the vocal melody behind, 'Abandoned, abandoned'.And maybe it's just the melody behind the 2nd 'abandoned'. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 21, 2015 Members Share Posted July 21, 2015 Yeah, do a proper polish on it and send it to the ASPCA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted July 21, 2015 Members Share Posted July 21, 2015 Very nice. You could get this on a commercial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlamoJoe Posted July 22, 2015 Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 I agree with Stickboy...Thing is..those ASPCA commercial tear my heart out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thanks all - this challenge has been good for me. I have been in the songwriting doldrums for a while. Git - I am not hearing a melody issue on "Abandoned"????? Is there a particular note that sounds off? I wanted it to sound a little painful... but not painful to the ear! And thanks LCK, Stick, Alamo and bee3. Stick hope all is well. Thanks! Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 22, 2015 Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 Git - I am not hearing a melody issue on "Abandoned"????? Is there a particular note that sounds off? I wanted it to sound a little painful... but not painful to the ear! Rick - I'm not suggesting that you are singing any dud notes - I just thought you might give consideration to the melody of the 'Abandoned, abandoned' line, not having found its best resolution yet. When I listen up to that point, I hear you singing a nice melody that sounds original. The 'Abandoned, abandoned melody sounds stock standard to me. It also doesn't convey the emotion of abandonment to me. So I was just suggesting that you explore a little further - maybe try some alternate chords under the phrase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 23, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2015 oh, ok... let me look at that. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 23, 2015 Members Share Posted July 23, 2015 Nicely done. I think you could go up on the second abandoned. The guitar, which is really nice BTW, is descending through the chords. When the vocal melody follows suit, it misses an opportunity for some drama that would probably work pretty well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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