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July Song Challenge: Abandoned


rickidoo

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I don't know how many dogs and cats are abandoned each year by their owners, some because they are less than caring, others because they can't provide food and shelter for their own family, but in either case it's tragic.

 

I might expand on this depending on the reaction.

 

 

Abandoned

©Rick Dieffenbach 2015

 

There was a time.... in my life

when you were by my side

 

Then one day, you were gone

I guess you had to move on

 

CHORUS:

Abandoned, Abandoned

Why did you have to go?

 

Abandoned, Abandoned

No one to call my own

and no place… to call my home

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Thanks all - this challenge has been good for me. I have been in the songwriting doldrums for a while.

 

Git - I am not hearing a melody issue on "Abandoned"????? Is there a particular note that sounds off? I wanted it to sound a little painful... but not painful to the ear!

 

And thanks LCK, Stick, Alamo and bee3.

 

Stick hope all is well.

 

Thanks!

 

Rick

 

 

 

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Git - I am not hearing a melody issue on "Abandoned"????? Is there a particular note that sounds off? I wanted it to sound a little painful... but not painful to the ear!

 

 

Rick - I'm not suggesting that you are singing any dud notes - I just thought you might give consideration to the melody of the 'Abandoned, abandoned' line, not having found its best resolution yet.

 

When I listen up to that point, I hear you singing a nice melody that sounds original.

The 'Abandoned, abandoned melody sounds stock standard to me. It also doesn't convey the emotion of abandonment to me.

So I was just suggesting that you explore a little further - maybe try some alternate chords under the phrase.

 

 

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Nicely done. I think you could go up on the second abandoned. The guitar, which is really nice BTW, is descending through the chords. When the vocal melody follows suit, it misses an opportunity for some drama that would probably work pretty well.

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