Members rhino55 Posted July 13, 2015 Members Share Posted July 13, 2015 demo http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=13167251&q=hi Wrote this on the resonator yesterday. I don't know how I feel about the lyric so any input there is welcome. I also thought about adding another verse. Any ideas on where that could go? If you come this wayDo me one favorBring another bottleRed's my favorite flavor I've already got a glassand only one requestseeing as it's emptyit could stand to be refreshed Let your hair downgo ahead and shake it outKick off your shoeswon't you sit a while If you had anywhere else to beyou'd prolly already be thereif that's where the night took youI prolly wouldn't care I like the way it happenedI'm glad you're here with meI could do without the conversationbut I'm thankful for the company Let your hair downgo ahead and shake it outkick off your shoeswon't you sit a while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 13, 2015 Members Share Posted July 13, 2015 So far so good, would love to hear the music. If you add a verse it might be an opportunity to add some depth to something which is pretty straightforward. Add a twist (she's your wife, she's a prostitute, you're kids and she's bringing you kool aid) or something with some weight. You're call, a lot depends on how strong the music is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted July 13, 2015 Members Share Posted July 13, 2015 If you come this wayDo me one favorBring another bottleRed's my favorite flavor That last line stuck me oddly...IDK what to change it to but it sounded forced. Maybe...You're my kind of neighbor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 13, 2015 Members Share Posted July 13, 2015 It has a similar 'feel' to Dylan's 'I'll be your baby tonight'. Kick your shoes off, do not fearBring that bottle over hereI'll be your baby tonight I agree that the 'favourite flavour' line seems odd. I'm not sure if this is any good to you, but it's the way I speak: If you come this wayDo me one favorBring another bottleMy head's in labour If you were going to place another verse somewhere, maybe it could go between Section 4 and 5 and flesh out the transition between time and events. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 demo http://www.soundclick.com/player/sin...=13167251&q=hi Will be back in a few to address the comments. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 So far so good, would love to hear the music. If you add a verse it might be an opportunity to add some depth to something which is pretty straightforward. Add a twist (she's your wife, she's a prostitute, you're kids and she's bringing you kool aid) or something with some weight. You're call, a lot depends on how strong the music is. I agree it could use some depth, and I think the ideas you have there are great. I'm not sure how to do that given where I'm trying to go with this one. This is now the 4th song I have that is in this type of vein; resonator, riff heavy, all sexual in nature. I'd like to do an ep. Reso, 70s ludwig kit with loose heads, bass synth, and super reverby vocals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 If you come this way Do me one favor Bring another bottle Red's my favorite flavor That last line stuck me oddly...IDK what to change it to but it sounded forced. Maybe...You're my kind of neighbor I like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 It has a similar 'feel' to Dylan's 'I'll be your baby tonight'. Kick your shoes off, do not fear Bring that bottle over here I'll be your baby tonight I agree that the 'favourite flavour' line seems odd. I'm not sure if this is any good to you, but it's the way I speak: If you come this way Do me one favor Bring another bottle My head's in labour If you were going to place another verse somewhere, maybe it could go between Section 4 and 5 and flesh out the transition between time and events. Nice pick up. That's definitely the vibe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 Geez... this would be a whoppingly bouncy tune with more instruments (works great 1 + 1, just thinking about the possibilities with drums etc.). Melodic and easy on the ear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 demo http://www.soundclick.com/player/sin...=13167251&q=hi Will be back in a few to address the comments. Thanks "Red's my favorite flavor" is the best line in the song! The whole lyric is good, but that's a real keeper... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks Rick. Eventually I'm going to work it up with some more instruments, but it'll still be pretty sparse. Some fat loose drums and a synth for bass will probably be about it. LCK, I'm glad you like that line. It was one of my favorites, but I was starting to have my doubts. I'm thinking that bringing "red" back again if I add another verse could be nice... lips, a dress, hair. It wouldn't really add any depth, but I think i might like this being that straightforward. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 Synth bass...wow, cool - let me know I'd be happy to take a stab. Like a Moog Taurus thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm not even knowledgeable enough about that sort of thing to be able to say if that's the ticket. That's super cool that you'd be into helping out. I have no idea when I'll get around to recording this properly. As of last night the tracking is done on the current record. It still needs to be mixed and mastered. I have two directions I'm writing in simultaneously for twp EPs, "pretty" piano music and what ever this will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 16, 2015 Members Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks Rick. Eventually I'm going to work it up with some more instruments, but it'll still be pretty sparse. Some fat loose drums and a synth for bass will probably be about it. LCK, I'm glad you like that line. It was one of my favorites, but I was starting to have my doubts. I'm thinking that bringing "red" back again if I add another verse could be nice... lips, a dress, hair. It wouldn't really add any depth, but I think i might like this being that straightforward. Thoughts? Yeah, as long as it's just one mention, it might be cool. Or you could go all out and say "you're my favorite flavor" to the girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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