Members DddDatguy Posted June 3, 2015 Members Share Posted June 3, 2015 ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DddDatguy Posted June 4, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 Anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DddDatguy Posted June 4, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 Edit : sorry double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 4, 2015 Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 I only listened to the track for about a minute or so. I think the basic track and vibe of the song is very good. That said, I found the opening verse to be a bit awkward, lyrically, and perhaps a little gauche (the word nausea isn't something I would ordinarily use in a song lyric). The second verse could also be improved, IMO. The synth nature of the vocal was another problem for me as well. The chorus is very good but the conceit of the song is liable to be compared to this: You obviously have talent and a knack for production, I would just back off on the synthetic vocals, and re-work the lyric a little. Just my 2 cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DddDatguy Posted June 4, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 I only listened to the track for about a minute or so. I think the basic track and vibe of the song is very good. That said, I found the opening verse to be a bit awkward, lyrically, and perhaps a little gauche (the word nausea isn't something I would ordinarily use in a song lyric). The second verse could also be improved, IMO. The synth nature of the vocal was another problem for me as well. The chorus is very good but the conceit of the song is liable to be compared to this: You obviously have talent and a knack for production, I would just back off on the synthetic vocals, and re-work the lyric a little. Just my 2 cents... Thank you, I appreciate it. So you think I could stand a chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 4, 2015 Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 I think you definitely have talent, yes. Whether that will turn into success in the music business is impossible to say. Many people have succeeded with less... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 5, 2015 Members Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hey, cool track. Great big "Fancy" (or "post to be")-style bassline and groove, and I love the lyric. Welcome and thanks for posting. First off, it takes time to critique someone's song, and no one here is getting paid to review your songs. So in general, you'll get a better response if you're actively critiquing other people's songs. Even then it ebbs and flows, I just posted something and only got a couple of responses, sometimes you get a 8-10 and an active conversation. But it helps if you contribute. I think the track is great. Cool lyric idea, cool hook, nice modern groove. * Big things for me is the overuse of autoune, It make it hard for me to get into the track - feels like it should be broken up more with real singing. I'd love to hear it without it, or lose it on the chorus. But it's on all the time. * Also, the "nausea" line is confusing, after you talk about her smell it's like her smell makes you nauseated, which isn't what you're trying to say. Your nausea is figurative. * Finally, it feels like the chorus needs to be bigger, like you need a woman singing high doubling you or something. The melody could be hookier, it's just a couple of notes and doesn't go anywhere. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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