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Go Home - new old song


mbfrancis

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Hey hope everyone is well.

 

Here’s a track I just finished. If the music sounds super early 90s, that’s because that’s when it was originally written for my first band, and I only just finally finished the words the other week on the plane home from DC.

 

So…now that it’s finished, what do you think, does it hold up? The arrangement’s not 100% done (needs some more noodle-y melody stuff), but how is it for you as a song? Are the chorus lines too odd…too many “far”/”bar” rhymes? Do you get that I’m singing to myself (in the mirror, get it?)? Let me know!

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13136898

 

“Go Home”

 

Aren’t you sick and tired of waiting -

late night up-staying -

for someone new to steer you wrong

and who kind of likes you

and makes your head spin stop

but then when the night’s through

they’re always gone?

 

Listen…I never thought you’d go this far

you claim your corner of the bar

checking and re-checking your new phone

Isn’t it though

a little funny how it seems

that you never quite know what it means

each time you feel, so alone, so alone?

 

Chorus

So cmon, pour out your soul to the mirror -

there you always make the same decisions, no?

I should leave here, I shouldn’t be here all… all…alone

It’s not too late to go home

 

Listen

I never thought you’d go this far

your head in hands upon the bar.

But with you it all feels so contrived.

But did you though

ever wonder in your dreams

you’d fall apart now at the seams

just trying to feel so alive, so alive?

 

Chorus

So cmon, pour out your soul to the mirror

There you always make the same decisions, no?

I should leave here, I shouldn’t be here all…all

 

And in your head the DJ set’s forever

somehow, but you and me are stuck together now

and I should leave here, I shouldn’t be here all…all…alone

It’s not too late to go home

It’s not too late to go home

Go home

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I like it!

 

One thing that kinda stuck out lyrically is "I never thought you'd go this far..."

 

I usually associate that phrase with success not the lack thereof.

 

Maybe "I never thought you'd sink this far...?"

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I like it!

 

One thing that kinda stuck out lyrically is "I never thought you'd go this far..."

 

I usually associate that phrase with success not the lack thereof.

 

Maybe "I never thought you'd sink this far...?"

 

This might be too literal a reading...I meant it more like "I can't believe you're pushing this so far"...it works better on the second verse than the first. But even if it's read as you see it, then it works ironically, no?

 

 

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I like it as well....very strong chorus production.

 

The "...go too far" lyric says the right thing to me.

 

Definitely sounds 90's but that did not bother me. Is the "new phone" lyric new?

 

I do think you could fill it in a bit with some instrumentation if you were so inspired.

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I like it as well....very strong chorus production.

 

The "...go too far" lyric says the right thing to me.

 

Definitely sounds 90's but that did not bother me. Is the "new phone" lyric new?

 

I do think you could fill it in a bit with some instrumentation if you were so inspired.

 

Cool, thanks Leonard. Almost all the lyrics - other than the first few lines of v1 and the last 2 lines of the chorus are new. I always just mumbled the words. (No one I knew *had* a phone in 1993.) Yeah, it needs more *stuff* in the verses...stay tuned!

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This might be too literal a reading...I meant it more like "I can't believe you're pushing this so far"...it works better on the second verse than the first. But even if it's read as you see it, then it works ironically, no?

 

 

I thought ironically is what you were going for with "I never thought you'd go so far."

 

I think it be nice to do some more of that at the end of that verse and save the "alone" for the chorus.

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I thought ironically is what you were going for with "I never thought you'd go so far."

 

I think it be nice to do some more of that at the end of that verse and save the "alone" for the chorus.

 

Yeah, great catch - I noticed that too...leaning into "alone" at the end of v1 takes away from impact on "all alone" chorus - for me the tradeoff was that it sets up "so alone" / "so alive" going into each chorus. I'll reconsider though...

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I can't see anything that obviously doesn't work.

Your line 'But with you it all feels so contrived' seems to contain the essence of the song.

There's something 'flimsy' about the two characters and their much ado about nothing.

I somehow know that any day now they'll move on and go through it all again with someone else in a 90's sorta way.

 

Anyway - that's my take on the song. I don't think it needs work on the lyric.

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The chorus is really high energy, pops out extremely well from the verses - speaking musically. After chorus #1 I was eager for chorus 2.

 

I know you are rerecording this. The one thing about the verse music is that it was pretty much constant (in terms of mix/orchestration) all the way though, and because of that it began to be repetitive after a while. When you rerecord it, maybe let it build a bit more, adding instruments etc so that it is constantly evolving and changing over the length of the song.

 

But that chorus - man oh man I really liked the energy and the music. It's so strong, that I might have considered breaking the rules a little and putting the chorus up front before the first verse if it were my song. Food for thought anyways.

 

Best,

 

Rick

 

 

 

 

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@rick thanks for chiming in. The verses are totally WIP musically, what's there is really just the bedrock, so stay tuned. I never really thought the chorus was great, more a way to set up the last line, but it's come out ok, especially the last one. When you say "after chorus #1 I was eager for chorus 2" do you mean it made v2 better because you knew another chorus was coming? If so that's great. Thanks again!

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