"Things I Shouldn't Love But Do" - new 3rd verse

[LCK]

I wrote this back in 2013 (can you believe it?), and I'm really proud of it. But something about the last verse didn't quite grab me the way I wanted it to. So earlier tonight I sat down with the rhyming dictionary, and found no new rhymes of any value until a word I had skipped over jumped out at me while I wasn't thinking about the lyric, just strumming the guitar.

 

Anyway, this is the original demo, sung with the original lyric.

 

There are two new lines, in the last verse. They're in bold, and replace:

 

"where apartment 7-L

still holds the smell of cigarettes..."

 

That's it. There's only that one change for now. Feedback appreciated...

 

 

"

Things I Shouldn't Love But Do"

 

 

 

.........A∆7 .........D-6

I’m a fan of solitude,

.........A∆7 ...........D-6

tiny dogs with attitude,

...C#-7 .....................F#7 .......B- ......B-/Bb

Sunday brunch at grungy luncheonettes—

.................D- ........... E7(b9) .............A∆7

these are things I shouldn’t love, but do.

 

Beat-up cars that run just fine,

The kind of bars that don’t serve wine,

I’m fond of hanging on to past regrets—

...D- ......................E7 ....................A∆7

I know I shouldn’t love them but I do.

 

........D∆7 ....................C#-7

You tried to teach the finer things.

........C∆7 ...........B-7

Too bad it didn’t take.

............Bb∆7 ...................A-7

And it’s sad to think the minor things,

........F7#5............... E7

only left us in their wake.

 

New York City in the rain,

riding home late on the train

where the softly ticking clocks

and a box of old cassettes

still remind me of my time with you,

and things I shouldn’t love but do.

 

Words & Music © 2013 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street Music (ASCAP)

 

 

 

[mbfrancis]

Love this.

The only thing I see is that I don't think you can afford to change the title line in the 2nd verse, feels like for this form you need to restate it exactly each time. I could be wrong.

Really nice.

 

[LCK]

Love this.

The only thing I see is that I don't think you can afford to change the title line in the 2nd verse, feels like for this form you need to restate it exactly each time. I could be wrong.

Really nice.

 

Thanks, MB.

 

I had the same thought as you about a dozen times, but in the course of singing it numerous times this is the way the cards eventually got stacked up.

 

So I guess you have no problem with the new line?

[mbfrancis]

They're cool. Unless you need the internal box / clocks rhyme, I'd maybe use one clock? Also box of cassettes works but implies a very long relationship if you you still have cassettes you shared.

 

Re-listening verse 2 still bothers me a bit for two reasons: 1) the non-repeat of the title as mentioned and 2) you don't set up the rhyme anywhere in either of the ways you do in 1 or 3. But if you're good with it, thats great.

[rhino55]

I think what you changed works fine, but I think "still holds the smell of cigarettes" is much stronger. Pun intended.