Members Lane1777 Posted May 4, 2015 Members Share Posted May 4, 2015 this is really just a work track, still hammering on it. this is what I call the "Pot throw it all in and give it a stir. thought I`d see what people thought of it before I go on. I wanted to write something in this genre but I didn`t want to preach, or have it to dark.. so I kept this kinda in the center of the road [so to speak] I don`t know if this even qualifies as gospel. again the melody and voice is me, thats a warning I thought maybe a small musical bridge in this would work. :22 heard of a man head bent and bleeding heard of a man.. seen all there is ever going to be. heard of a man forgive all others I have heard of a man that could set you free. Chorus: He said ..I don`t have very much time brothers watch for me. I don`t have very much time my Father is calling me. 1:25 heard of a man changed up the water heard of a man that could walk on the sea. heard of a man says you have to believe. heard of a man..and He has heard of me. Chorus: He said ..I don`t have very much time brothers watch for me. I do not have much time my Father is calling me. music bridge.. Chorus: 2:46 ..I don`t have very much time brothers watch for me. I don`t have very much time they are going to crucify me. tag: 37 heard of a man.... © Copyright 2015 Vincent. All Rights Reserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Nice guitar work, nice groove. The lyric has some nice touches, but it's not a grabber. For instance, this... heard of a manhead bent and bleedingheard of a man..seen all there is ever going to be.heard of a manforgive all othersI have heard of a manthat could set you free. ...Is okay. If I were to play around with it a bit, I might do something like: heard of a manhead bent, hands bleedingheard of a man..walked the shores of Galileeheard of a manhe taught forgivenessI have heard of a manand he could set you free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 damn LCK your so good at that, makes mine look so plain. thanks for taking a look at this, I`m just starting on this write so there will be changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah, LCK's advice is 100+. Watch for those old phrases that have been used a zillion times, see if you can come up with some sort of twist on them. Just a small changeup can be enough like "walk on the sea" can be "have you ever seen a man walk on the sea" or "walk on the rolling (or something unusual like "deadly" or "hungry" sea. You are right about needing a bridge...a breather sort of 4-8 bars would go a long way. Your voice is fine - just sing with confidence (fake confidence is perfectly acceptable - bring your voice up in the mix a bit, too. Nice start - good groove, nice licks, too. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 This is a good start………. Something to consider……..an existing well known line 'And the way things are goingThey're going to crucify me' Ballad of John & Yokocirca 1973 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Good stuff. I'd think the chorus might benefit from not have two lines that end in me. I'd change the first one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 thank you guys, looks like I have some work to do on this write. your all to kind, and thank you fo rtaking time to comment. ok, itys back to work...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Haven't heard the music yet but this is great. One thing I'd love is a bridge which changes the perspective / camera angle a bit, and relates it to you somehow. Heard of a man, heard of a man, heard of a man....so what. Tie it all to you or something. My $.02. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 hi mb, I`ve been gone for some time, so I`m getting back into the songwriting. thank you for the kind comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 22, 2015 Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 Oh boy. I am so bad at this I could not even find the song on sound click. Could someone see if they see it and help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 sorry Rick I shuffle these songs around. here is the link" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 22, 2015 Members Share Posted July 22, 2015 You know I turned this up with the intent to listen to the music more than the lyrics. I mean normally if I suggest a lyrical change you should do the opposite. But I was thinking 'heard of a man" is used so much, that a very subtle twist might be using "there was a man" in the middle verse. Not necessarily the entire verse. Could be one line tossed in. Might provide a nugget of extra interest. Again, normally this means don't consider it! I listened several times to the music. I know this is a WIP. But I like the vibe of this song right out of the gate. The small guitar licks are excellent. Because the vibe/feel/rhythm of the song is very consistent throughout the 3+ minute song, I do think it could benefit from the right bridge. And maybe not just in one spot either. But that depends. Love the musicianship! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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