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Cherry Tree - work in progress (NEW MIX POST #40)


stickboymusic

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I started this one a few months ago and never finished it.

 

I tracked a really rough guitar/vocal of the song and yesterday sent it to MBFrancis. He has very kindly riffed some ideas over it and I think it's starting to come together

 

The demo is still rough and levels are all over the place..... Ill be re recording the voice and guitar and sorting the rest out too but any thoughts before I properly commit it to tape?

 

https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/cher...rk-in-progress

 

Cheery Tree.

 

I saw you dancing like a scarecrow on fire

Moving around like you're hanging on a wire and...

you were dressed in your finest attire

Fueling all of my desires.

 

I don't know the way you do it

But you got me on my knees

I don't know the way you do it

But you do it to me

Oh cherry tree.

 

I saw you dancing like a siren at sea

Calling to me, pulling me in to...

...all the placers that I wanted to be

Longing to never be free.

 

I don't know the way you do it

But you got me on my knees

I don't know the way you do it

But you do it to me

Oh cherry tree.

 

And as the seasons change your beauty blinds me

You've got to tell me all the reasons why you live inside me.

 

I don't know the way you do it

But you got me on my knees

I don't know the way you do it

But you do it to me

Oh cherry tree.

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Hey Stick... first, I want to say how wonderful the collab between you and Martin is turning out. The piano sounds perfect.

 

The lyric... I like the imagery... 'dancing like a scarecrow on fire'.. great! But... maybe I'm a little slow on this... I don't really get the cherry tree reference. smiley-sad Maybe I'm thinking too literally.

 

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yeh i suppose it is a little vague - but hopefully in the best possible way.

 

It's just a "thing" a beautiful thing that blossoms and blooms much like a love or whatever.

 

I could totally have been more literal and just said whatever "you're my darling girl" "my only one" whatever.

 

I guess I have gone down the more poetic route.

 

Of course if this is a problem I could rethink it but it's not something that really occured to me.

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Really good so far. The lyric phrasing could be tightened up, but I'm sure you'll address that when you re-record the vocals. The piano part is lovely but there are a couple of places where it feels stiff against the backing track (3: 08).

 

Cherry blossoms are a big deal here....

 

8653159049_04a8c5c2d4_z.jpgJefferson Memorial through cherry blossoms by rsadasiv, on Flickr

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Cool colab

 

"You got me on my knees" feels cliche to me. Could you use blossoms instead of tree?

 

fuel for the fire...

 

I don't know the way you do it

Reminding me of love forgotten

I don't know the way you do it

make a hard heart soften

Oh cherry blossoms.

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Cool colab

 

"You got me on my knees" feels cliche to me. Could you use blossoms instead of tree?

 

fuel for the fire...

 

I don't know the way you do it

Reminding me of love forgotten

I don't know the way you do it

make a hard heart soften

Oh cherry blossoms.

 

Thanks Rhino - Some good suggestions but there is no way they will fit the melody.

 

I'll have a think about it.

 

"you got me on my knees" IS a little cliche..... hey at least i didnt rhyme it "im begging baby please" haha!

 

 

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if that's you singing Stick-b I really like your vocal. I, with another here..bee3 don`t know where the cherry tree reference comes from, but it does not make one bit of difference to me..I like the song.

was that a violin I heard in there? damn I like that, to me that instrument always adds solidity I think, any song could be falling apart add a little violin and its all good....lol but that's me. don`t get me wrong you don`t need a violin in this, I think its all works like it is...hell I wouldn`t re-do a thing. shows you what I know...If I wasn`t such a redneck, country boy. I could give you a much better critique. I can only tell you what works and what falls flat to me..this works! once again Stick b..nice vocal.

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if that's you singing Stick-b I really like your vocal. I, with another here..bee3 don`t know where the cherry tree reference comes from, but it does not make one bit of difference to me..I like the song.

was that a violin I heard in there? damn I like that, to me that instrument always adds solidity I think, any song could be falling apart add a little violin and its all good....lol but that's me. don`t get me wrong you don`t need a violin in this, I think its all works like it is...hell I wouldn`t re-do a thing. shows you what I know...If I wasn`t such a redneck, country boy. I could give you a much better critique. I can only tell you what works and what falls flat to me..this works! once again Stick b..nice vocal.

 

Thanks my friend

 

It actually never occurred to me that the cherry tree line may be an issue. It's likely I'll stick with it unless something suddenly comes to me.

 

I like some honesty in song writing so just to put a random girls name in there doesn't really sit with me.

 

I kinda like that to me it makes sense but if nobody else gets it then Yeh there could be an issue.

 

It's quite a way off finished. Hopefully the final piece will be a vast improvement. Especially on vocals but thank you for the positive feedback

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I like the track immensely! Nice piano! Great vocal as usual.

 

I think there's a big disconnect, though, between the imagery of the verses and the conceit of the girl being compared to or embodying a cherry tree. It's okay as is, but it seems a little strained to me.

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I like the track immensely! Nice piano! Great vocal as usual.

 

I think there's a big disconnect, though, between the imagery of the verses and the conceit of the girl being compared to or embodying a cherry tree. It's okay as is, but it seems a little strained to me.

 

For instance you have these images of scarecrows moving and dancing, etc. What about weaving that idea into something about branches moving and leaves dancing, and fruit hanging like a bird on a wire, etc?

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For instance you have these images of scarecrows moving and dancing, etc. What about weaving that idea into something about branches moving and leaves dancing, and fruit hanging like a bird on a wire, etc?

 

Ha that'd kind of why those lines are there. Connected to tree movements but also human movements. She is a human of course and not a beautiful tree but for the purpose of the song she may be.

 

We are either all over thinking this or I may have missed the mark

 

I fear it's looking like the latter

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I think you may be able to have reference to the cherry tree and have it represent the girl... but you may need to change some of the more direct lines in reference to an actual girl. If you change it to something abstract, then I think the cherry tree reference would be fine. Maybe

 

I saw you dancing like a scarecrow on fire

Moving around like you're hanging on a wire and...

I wanna climb your branches much higher

To satisfy my desires

 

I don't know the way you do it

But you got me on my knees

I don't know the way you do it

But you do it to me

Oh cherry tree.

 

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The performance and piano are all good, really good, but the cherry tree thing isn't working for me...in the bridge you have the tree growing/living inside you...IDK Stick, I think I get what your trying to do but it sould either be about a tree or a girl. The love blooming isn't connecting.

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I understand that Stick, this is just an idea..if you haven`t thought of it, if it becomes an issue, some have lined their songs with a language like.

 

... La bella te`

the beautiful you

 

 

... La bella en te`

the beautiful in you

 

 

 

 

know what I mean? some beautiful words nobody knows...lol I think the beatles did it in a song once Michelle maybe. anyway just a thought to tuck away.

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