Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I started this one a few months ago and never finished it. I tracked a really rough guitar/vocal of the song and yesterday sent it to MBFrancis. He has very kindly riffed some ideas over it and I think it's starting to come together The demo is still rough and levels are all over the place..... Ill be re recording the voice and guitar and sorting the rest out too but any thoughts before I properly commit it to tape? https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/cher...rk-in-progress Cheery Tree. I saw you dancing like a scarecrow on fireMoving around like you're hanging on a wire and...you were dressed in your finest attireFueling all of my desires. I don't know the way you do itBut you got me on my kneesI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. I saw you dancing like a siren at seaCalling to me, pulling me in to......all the placers that I wanted to beLonging to never be free. I don't know the way you do itBut you got me on my kneesI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. And as the seasons change your beauty blinds meYou've got to tell me all the reasons why you live inside me. I don't know the way you do itBut you got me on my kneesI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hey Stick... first, I want to say how wonderful the collab between you and Martin is turning out. The piano sounds perfect. The lyric... I like the imagery... 'dancing like a scarecrow on fire'.. great! But... maybe I'm a little slow on this... I don't really get the cherry tree reference. Maybe I'm thinking too literally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 yeh i suppose it is a little vague - but hopefully in the best possible way. It's just a "thing" a beautiful thing that blossoms and blooms much like a love or whatever. I could totally have been more literal and just said whatever "you're my darling girl" "my only one" whatever. I guess I have gone down the more poetic route. Of course if this is a problem I could rethink it but it's not something that really occured to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Really good so far. The lyric phrasing could be tightened up, but I'm sure you'll address that when you re-record the vocals. The piano part is lovely but there are a couple of places where it feels stiff against the backing track (3: 08). Cherry blossoms are a big deal here.... Jefferson Memorial through cherry blossoms by rsadasiv, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Yeh cool - I think Martin was pretty much riffing over this to give me an idea of what he was thinking.... all production bits will be tightened up and vocals done properly rather than just a one take pass. I like the cherry tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Cool colab "You got me on my knees" feels cliche to me. Could you use blossoms instead of tree? fuel for the fire... I don't know the way you do itReminding me of love forgotten I don't know the way you do itmake a hard heart soften Oh cherry blossoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Cool colab "You got me on my knees" feels cliche to me. Could you use blossoms instead of tree? fuel for the fire... I don't know the way you do it Reminding me of love forgotten I don't know the way you do it make a hard heart soften Oh cherry blossoms. Thanks Rhino - Some good suggestions but there is no way they will fit the melody. I'll have a think about it. "you got me on my knees" IS a little cliche..... hey at least i didnt rhyme it "im begging baby please" haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 'Oh my Cherie'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 if that's you singing Stick-b I really like your vocal. I, with another here..bee3 don`t know where the cherry tree reference comes from, but it does not make one bit of difference to me..I like the song.was that a violin I heard in there? damn I like that, to me that instrument always adds solidity I think, any song could be falling apart add a little violin and its all good....lol but that's me. don`t get me wrong you don`t need a violin in this, I think its all works like it is...hell I wouldn`t re-do a thing. shows you what I know...If I wasn`t such a redneck, country boy. I could give you a much better critique. I can only tell you what works and what falls flat to me..this works! once again Stick b..nice vocal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 The girlfriend may have issues with that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Oh Sammy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 You've nailed it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 if that's you singing Stick-b I really like your vocal. I, with another here..bee3 don`t know where the cherry tree reference comes from, but it does not make one bit of difference to me..I like the song. was that a violin I heard in there? damn I like that, to me that instrument always adds solidity I think, any song could be falling apart add a little violin and its all good....lol but that's me. don`t get me wrong you don`t need a violin in this, I think its all works like it is...hell I wouldn`t re-do a thing. shows you what I know...If I wasn`t such a redneck, country boy. I could give you a much better critique. I can only tell you what works and what falls flat to me..this works! once again Stick b..nice vocal. Thanks my friend It actually never occurred to me that the cherry tree line may be an issue. It's likely I'll stick with it unless something suddenly comes to me. I like some honesty in song writing so just to put a random girls name in there doesn't really sit with me. I kinda like that to me it makes sense but if nobody else gets it then Yeh there could be an issue. It's quite a way off finished. Hopefully the final piece will be a vast improvement. Especially on vocals but thank you for the positive feedback Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I like the track immensely! Nice piano! Great vocal as usual. I think there's a big disconnect, though, between the imagery of the verses and the conceit of the girl being compared to or embodying a cherry tree. It's okay as is, but it seems a little strained to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I like the track immensely! Nice piano! Great vocal as usual. I think there's a big disconnect, though, between the imagery of the verses and the conceit of the girl being compared to or embodying a cherry tree. It's okay as is, but it seems a little strained to me. For instance you have these images of scarecrows moving and dancing, etc. What about weaving that idea into something about branches moving and leaves dancing, and fruit hanging like a bird on a wire, etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 For instance you have these images of scarecrows moving and dancing, etc. What about weaving that idea into something about branches moving and leaves dancing, and fruit hanging like a bird on a wire, etc? Ha that'd kind of why those lines are there. Connected to tree movements but also human movements. She is a human of course and not a beautiful tree but for the purpose of the song she may be. We are either all over thinking this or I may have missed the mark I fear it's looking like the latter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I think you may be able to have reference to the cherry tree and have it represent the girl... but you may need to change some of the more direct lines in reference to an actual girl. If you change it to something abstract, then I think the cherry tree reference would be fine. Maybe I saw you dancing like a scarecrow on fireMoving around like you're hanging on a wire and...I wanna climb your branches much higherTo satisfy my desires I don't know the way you do itBut you got me on my kneesI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I get you But She is not an actual tree And her lies my problem. I don't want to get to literal to tree references. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 ^I'd worry for you if she was a tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 ^I'd worry for you if she was a tree. I'm sure a boy of sticks would be quite happy with a tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 But you're not an actual boy of sticks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 And now the penny drops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 The performance and piano are all good, really good, but the cherry tree thing isn't working for me...in the bridge you have the tree growing/living inside you...IDK Stick, I think I get what your trying to do but it sould either be about a tree or a girl. The love blooming isn't connecting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 I understand that Stick, this is just an idea..if you haven`t thought of it, if it becomes an issue, some have lined their songs with a language like. ... La bella te`the beautiful you ... La bella en te`the beautiful in you know what I mean? some beautiful words nobody knows...lol I think the beatles did it in a song once Michelle maybe. anyway just a thought to tuck away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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