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Under a Wave..working on this


Lane1777

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guess I can explain this a little..had a friend, She thought it was more, I didn`t by the time I found out, She passed.

 

forgive the singing its me, and its just to let you see what I was doing with this,

give you a better feel for the song..any thoughts on this are welcome. it all helps me.

thank you all that helped me with the last lyric, I think its working much better..

 

 

 

 

verse1

 

The memories

have not always been kind.

The time for crying...

the time I walked away.

 

verse2

 

There was a softness,

We held the night.

There was never a promise,

and We said good-bye.

 

chorus:

 

It was just like thunder

just like the rain.

the heart without love

ship without sail.

It's all like thunder,

and so hard to explain.

Just like falling,

and going under a wave.

 

verse3

 

Time is a desperate thing,

hearts can survive.

You remember the fragile things,

and the tears people cry.

 

verse4

 

Look at Me wishing,

on every star above.

Look at Me praying,

She was here to love.

 

bridge:

 

Here I am

among the polished stones,

leaving notes in the bitter cold.

Here I am,

saying good-bye again.

 

 

chorus:

 

 

and It's just like thunder,

just like the rain.

the heart without love,

ship without sail.

 

 

It`s all like thunder,

and so hard to explain

It is just like falling,

and going under a wave.

 

 

tag:

 

it is just like falling

and going under a wave...

 

© Copyright 2015 Vincent. All Rights Reserved.

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Lyrically this is great, like really f*cking great.

 

This is totally nit picky, but the only thing that I thought didn't sit exactly right for me was "and I said goodbye." Given the back story it makes sense but in the context of the lyric it felt like it should have been "and we said goodbye." Another possible fix would be to change the the last line of V1 to "the time I walked away."

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Hey Lane--

This is cool, thanks for posting. I'll be quick (@work):

* For the most part I *love* the chorus, so good. Feels like line 2 should perfect rhyme with 'sail.'

* Other problem with chorus is I don’t see any connection between what you *say* the song is about and the actual lyric. No lines about how you had your chance and lost it, etc.

* Feels like the title is "Just like Thunder." If you want it to be Under a Wave then that lines needs to be strengthened I think.

* "Just like falling" could be better, what do you do that lands you under a wave?..."like capsizing"?

* In the verses, I'd love some more vivid nouns, some actual things. Right now you have memories, time, time, softness, night, promise, time, thing, hearts, things, tears, people. Maybe this is where you tell the story that you refer to above - give it some more teeth to set up the more philosophical, analytical chorus?

Good stuff - hope this helps.

 

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ok Mb, I think I can do that, the title."just like thunder" will work just as well, let me ask you this, if I change the word

just like falling...it says AND going under a wave...if I change the little word to OR going under a wave would that change the effect? ok, let me think on the other parts you came up with..thank you Mb for taking time to listen and add your thoughts on this. LANE

 

I`ll work on that 2. line to go with "the heart without love

ship without sail." see what I can come up with.

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Really love this - love the kind of wonky recordings too that sound like you are using a an old tape machine (what actually is that!?) Your voice is also perfect for this so stop being so hard on yourself.

 

Ive been thinking about the chorus a lot and have a few ideas.... they may be waaaaaay off what you were thinking but feel free to adapt and use if you see fit.

 

YOU WERE just thunder

I WAS just like rain.

WE ALWAYS WENT HAND IN HAND

BUT NEVER QUITE THE SAME

LOVES AN ENDLESS OCEAN

and so hard to explain.

BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST SINKING

and going under a wave.

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hey STM, let me explain these songs so you know what I`m doing. I write lyric out "rough get a melody out, and run a few tracks of what I want done, I have a friend with a studio and He does the music good enough for a demo. sends it back...I load it on a program on a laptop and sing along...lol..ok music and meter are finished..then I come here and put it on and scream help with the lyric! once finished and I`m only looking for a passible write, something that makes sense...have a real singer do it for me. I have a finished demo. presentable. ok..saying all that let me tell you my madness..looking in my past my great grandfathers did some things.and records are there..i`m not trying to be anything and I don`t pitch or push the music. It goes in a case and on the shelf..and maybe years from now, they will find their great grandfather..that is silly I know, but its me... I`m basically a writer I don`t want to sing, I do play guitar and enjoy that. lol if you want to hear something I consider finished let me know and I`ll load a song in the video board here. this is way more than you wanted to know I`ll bet..thank you for stopping here and your ideas on this, I copy everything, Lane

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I've listened to the 3 songs you have posted. I like the vibe of them all - easy to listen to.

Country - yes, but they have other seasoning in them that makes them interesting to the ear.

 

On this one, I agree that 'Just Like Thunder' would be a better title.

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thank you so much ogp for taking the time to listen, the first two songs ...just quick songs so I`ll stay on the track as the singer, but others I like to get a better singer for them, I googled just like thunder, and under a wave either will work ...I`m going to change it to "just like thunder. and one other change in the song and I`m finished. thanks again OGP for listening and taking time to comment..Lane

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