Members mbfrancis Posted March 22, 2015 Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 I wondered if anyone was looking for an assignment, or to collab, like maybe write a lyric to finished piece of music? Here is "Billy Joel," an instrumental I've had for a few years that has a melody and everything. More of a Joe Jackson vibe than Billy Joel, but either way it's sat unused for a number of years. Anyone want to write lyrics? http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13081132 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 22, 2015 Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 It has a good energy - in a similar vein to Joe Jackson's 'Stepping Out'.I've listened to your piece a few times and it has 'spoken' to me. I now have a theme that I think suits the music. So I'd like to have a go at writing a lyric - no obligation on your part - if you don't like the lyric or someone writes something better - it's all good.I still write everything as if it were an exercise or an assignment, and my writing brain needs a bit of a challenge at the moment.I posted a lyric titled 'Promise Man' a few days back that seems to have died a death. And for ggod reason - it's not up to my better standard of work. I still like the title, but the execution is weak and requires a different approach at a later date. So here's an opportunity for me to redeem myself to myself. What would be useful would be a backing track without the synth melody. As an instrumental it has a few too many notes for a vocalist to deal with. I'd still keep the same melody, but in the interest of writing a lyric that's singable - you understand what I mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 Sure, I can post it tomorrow - cool! (I liked Promise Man, I thought it was in a good place.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 Here you go: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13081537 Apologies for the super clunky MIDI piano part, it was just a sketch. Not very inspiring, ha... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 22, 2015 Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks - it's morning over here, so I'm just starting to scribble.At this point I'm just doing a free flow of ideas around a central title theme so I can explore possibilities in direction. I have cut and pasted the clip into Garageband and extended the 2 minutes to 3 minutes. (3 sections)Have you thought about writing a Bridge so the piece would end up at 3.5 mins in AABA format? Anyway, I'll write lyrics for 3 sections. Each section being 1 minute long. Whether we call the minute a verse with a change / lift in the 2nd half, or whether we call it verse + chorus is of no real consequence. It feels more like the former to me, so hence the leaning towards AABA. At the end of the day, you are the composer / producer, so you can make the call.Let's see what I come up with in the first instant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 Yeah it needs a bridge. If you get some lyrics I can write to that, or maybe I can send some music. It will be next weekend though - I'm on the road for work all week. Let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 22, 2015 Members Share Posted March 22, 2015 Good - I'll do a Bridge then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 27, 2015 Members Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm still working the lyric.It's not a 'just tumbled out this morning' job - there's been blood and sweat - just no tears yet………. Watch this space…….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 27, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 27, 2015 No worries, I've been on the East Coast all week for business, flying back to CA right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 31, 2015 Members Share Posted March 31, 2015 I'm not making a great deal of headway here.I had an idea that I like, but haven't been able to realise it. It's all tell and no show and generally unformed.So over to you all for some input if you please………..I might be able to do a re-write with some new stimulus. Backstory – A couple of years ago I posted a lyric entitled 'Washing Out the Blue' on this forum. The lyric was metaphorical with hints and suggestion. If I remember rightly it was Saturn 1 who said he liked it but didn’t really know what it meant, and as it was a Sunday, I replied, ‘I don’t do meaning on Sundays’. His observation was that it was a good title for a song. So when I heard Martin’s music, I thought it might be an opportunity to write this lyric. Read in conjunction with Martin's tune, but note that there is no Bridge in the music yet. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13081132 I Don't do Meaning on Sundays V11 The week’s passed with good intentions2 And now it is Sunday afternoon3 I ask for interpretations4 When she says, “Let’s turn ‘round the moon”5 She offers no explanation6 So I wander around and ‘round the rooma With questions highb And no answers nighc With a narrowed eyed And a quiet reply, she sayse “I don't do meaning on Sundays” Bridge (different number of accents per line)1 …………………2 …………………..3 …………………..4 ………………….. V21 I stand on deserted platforms2 So I can never board a train3 I mull over implications4 And she says, “Yesterday never comes again”5 I grasp the insinuation6 But continue to walk the same terraina With questions highb And no answers nighc With a narrowed eyed And a quiet reply, she sayse “No I just won’tf So I just don'tg I don't do meaning on Sundays” Martin - perhaps we need to update the title of this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 31, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 31, 2015 Some very cool lines here, I love the vibe, love the concept. Thanks for taking a stab! * I wonder if "I don't do meaning on Sundays" is a little precious. It works, but could it be something earthier like "Sunday's not for Making Sense" or "Don't Make Sense On Sunday." I wonder what others think.* Maybe give it some context (beyond the first line), like maybe what happened Saturday night that she would say such a thing (eg she's super hungover).* I really like the 4 rhymed lines in the chorus - the first 2 (high/nigh) could be stronger (what's a high question?). Let me know if this helps - I'm wiped out right now but will have fresh eyes in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 31, 2015 Moderators Share Posted March 31, 2015 Just as an unsolicited opinion... I love the lyric so far and think, Sunday,s Not for Making Sense is the perfect modification. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 31, 2015 Members Share Posted March 31, 2015 I like it. I'm thinking a stronger pay off/title would be preferable. The only one I can come up with would mean a whole re write of your verses but i'll say it anyway I don't like RAIN on a SUNday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 1, 2015 Members Share Posted April 1, 2015 I hear what you are all saying, but I'm fixed on 'I don't do meaning on Sundays'.It has a quirkiness that I really like and can relate to. I just get exhausted when people look for meaning in everything and there either is none, or doesn't need to be any, or sometimes it's simple a case of, "Ask somebody who cares". So I don't think I can write to the revised proposals.I think the lyric itself needs further development, but the tag line is already etched in my heart. My original intention was to rattle off a string of frequently encountered topics that people look for meaning in, and then shift to the lift and the tag line.Even if Martin doesn't want to use this, I might pursue this approach again.I guess that makes me a crappy collaborator, but what the hell………. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 1, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 1, 2015 You don't have to use my ideas - finish the track, it's a cool idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 1, 2015 Members Share Posted April 1, 2015 Lyrically, I think the idea is really good one. I'm partial to "I don't do meaning on Sundays." Some of the words feel like they are there for the rhyme. Nigh and terrain come to mind. 'Questions high' doesn't really make sense, but then again maybe that's the point. Reading Martin's comments, I see we are on the same page. I especially like the idea of of giving it more context. I'd say to put it more in the moment. It doesn't have to be a hangover from Saturday. But some set up for what differentiates a Sunday by describing the rest of the week would make the title line really hit home. An idea for the bridge would be to do a play on the word sense (cents). The rest of the week is for making dollars etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 1, 2015 Members Share Posted April 1, 2015 I especially like the idea of of giving it more context. I'd say to put it more in the moment. It doesn't have to be a hangover from Saturday. But some set up for what differentiates a Sunday by describing the rest of the week would make the title line really hit home. The structure I 1st set up and wrote to was AABA In V1 I placed the events in one line on Monday and Tuesday. In V2 in Wednesday and Thursday In V3 in Friday and Saturday This set up the timeframe for 'I don't do meaning on Sundays'. This made the song 3.50 long so I went back to 2 verses What do you think of the idea? I scrapped it because it felt a bit obvious, but from what you are saying, maybe it's the setup it needs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 1, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 1, 2015 To pull this off, I think you need to communicate two things: 1) what is she responding to that she would say "I don't do meaning" and 2) why Sunday is significant. There are a few ways to do this, but if I'm being picky currently you're only partly doing #1 and not really doing #2. On #1 you drop us into the middle of a conversation w/ no context - "I ask for interpretations"...of what? Why? Her response doesn't make sense, but then, neither did the question to the listener. Not sure if this helps...might be over-thinking it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 2, 2015 Members Share Posted April 2, 2015 To pull this off' date=' I think you need to communicate two things: 1) what is she responding to that she would say "I don't do meaning" and 2) why Sunday is significant. There are a few ways to do this, but if I'm being picky currently you're only partly doing #1 and not really doing #2. On #1 you drop us into the middle of a conversation w/ no context - "I ask for interpretations"...of what? Why? Her response doesn't make sense, but then, neither did the question to the listener. Not sure if this helps...might be over-thinking it. You are right on both points. My earlier discarded drafts included those points, but the overall result was unsatisfactory. Hence I tried other approaches. I need to return to my original intentions and get them to work………I've never had to work this hard at a song before……..png.197c47f720636f02390cc2b0a33804da.png' alt='smiley-veryhappy'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 2, 2015 Members Share Posted April 2, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with an obvious lyric. Stormy Monday comes to mind. That's a great lyric and it follows the days of the week. I'm not suggesting you should or shouldn't rehash that. From what I gather I don't think that's your style anyway. As far as 3:50 goes, why not? Unless you are trying to write something that needs to fit into a radio formula, I don't see the point in limiting yourself one way or the other. Long or short the song needs to be the length the song needs to be. That's always going to be subjective. I think a good way to approach it with two verses is the first about what happened last week and the second about what you have to look forward to next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 2, 2015 Members Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks for the input Ryan. It's a case of all that I set out to achieve was probably the right direction - I just didn't get there.So - time to try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 29, 2015 Hey OGP, any progress on this? I ask because this back and forth inspired me a bit, here's a verse: She’s always high on the weekendI’m always bracing for the crashShe always dives in the deep endI’m hugging the wall, (I’m) ducking the splash“and I don’t do meaning on Sundays,”She says as she blows on by … CHORUS Anything there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 30, 2015 Members Share Posted April 30, 2015 No progress on paper, but after tactically forgetting about it for a while, it came back and knocked on the mental door with the suggestion:Why not give it a more positive treatment? The music is lively and upbeat after all. So either in the 1st or 3rd person and present tense:For the 1st 4 lines describe the banal stuff she does during the week that is supposed to be meaningful.Then describe the (possibly crazy) stuff she loves to do for the next 6 lines, culminating with "I don't do meaning on Sundays".It's a sort of list song like 'You're Moving Out Today'. V1 & V2 would follow a similar format but with different content. The Bridge would stand back and question 'meaning' as a tongue-in-cheek overview. What you have written is fine, but in a similar vein to where we've come thus far. I'm feeling for turning a corner now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 30, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 30, 2015 I'm not totally following, I would have to see an example, but...I'd consider putting the title where I put it (penultimate line of the verse) - it scans perfectly there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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