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What do y'all think of these lyrics?


leepmeister

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Here's something I wrote, and actually recorded with some friends. If we had a better singer it would help (I'm the bassist). Anyhow, tell me what you think of these lyrics. I tried to not make them too poppy:

 

You didn't seem that special, you were just another friend.

I never thought that I'd see what I saw in the end.

I should have told you sooner the way you made me smile.

Instead I took for granted that you'd be here for a while.

(Chorus)

If only I had known

What you meant to me.

If only I had known

What I'd finally see (in you.)

 

You left one winter morning when the earth was standing still.

I watched the rain drops falling, on my rusted windowsill.

It took me quite a long time to realize what I'd lost.

The emptiness inside me, chilled like winter frost.

 

(Chorus)

If only I had known

What you meant to me.

If only I had known

What I'd finally see.

If Only I had known (x4)

 

(Bridge)

I would have brought you closer,

Or maybe set you free.

I would have let you choose and hoped you'd end up choosing me.

 

(solo)

 

You didn't seem that special, you were just another friend.

I never thought that I'd see what I saw in the end.

I should have told you sooner the way you made me smile.

Instead I took for granted that you'd be there for a while.

 

(Chorus)

If only I had known

What you meant to me.

If only I had known

What I'd finally see.

If Only I had known (x4)

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I like them. Can I be picky ?

 

Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....

 

I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".

 

I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.

 

Otherwise, they're good.

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Originally posted by Kingnome

I like them. Can I be picky ?


Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....


I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".


I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.


Otherwise, they're good.

 

That was the suggestion I had too. Otherwise they look good. :)

 

Good Luck.

 

Alwayz MisBhavin

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Originally posted by Kingnome

I like them. Can I be picky ?


Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....


I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".


I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.


Otherwise, they're good.

 

I give my vote for bitter..

 

Otherwise.. I really like that song! :)

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