Members Major Major Posted April 26, 2003 Members Share Posted April 26, 2003 Hello Everyone,I've really appreciated the critiques youve given in the past, some humbling and some encouraging. Well here's my newest lyrics and they are for another classic jazz, dixieland type song. It needs its first good revision so spare nothing:) I appreciate any thoughts and critiques! Thank you in advance! The Kiss I Never Knew Copyright 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jordan Posted April 30, 2003 Members Share Posted April 30, 2003 I really like every part of every single verse... i don't like the chorus however... it may just be a matter of opinion or the fact that i can't play it out in my head. It just looks like you wrote 3 great verses (gorgeous) sounding, and forced a chorus in there. May i suggest sitting on it. Listen to third eye blind's "deep inside of you". The song is written exactly the same. Just rework the chorus, in my opinion. Great verses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Major Major Posted May 1, 2003 Author Members Share Posted May 1, 2003 Thanks for the reply:) Here's a newer version! Thoughts, criticisms? The Kiss I Never KnewCopyright 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitar_ace Posted May 5, 2003 Members Share Posted May 5, 2003 Excellent! I like the change to the chorus a lot. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ChiGirl Posted May 5, 2003 Members Share Posted May 5, 2003 I really like the rewrites, too, but see the "Cliche Lyrics" thread regarding your "fire, desire" line. I would suggest rewriting that one. Everything else is really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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