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I'd appreciate a critique of "The Kiss I Never Knew"

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  • I'd appreciate a critique of "The Kiss I Never Knew"

    Hello Everyone,
    I've really appreciated the critiques youve given in the past, some humbling and some encouraging. Well here's my newest lyrics and they are for another classic jazz, dixieland type song. It needs its first good revision so spare nothing I appreciate any thoughts and critiques! Thank you in advance!

    The Kiss I Never Knew
    Copyright 2003

  • #2
    I really like every part of every single verse... i don't like the chorus however... it may just be a matter of opinion or the fact that i can't play it out in my head. It just looks like you wrote 3 great verses (gorgeous) sounding, and forced a chorus in there.

    May i suggest sitting on it. Listen to third eye blind's "deep inside of you". The song is written exactly the same. Just rework the chorus, in my opinion.

    Great verses.

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    • #3
      Thanks for the reply Here's a newer version! Thoughts, criticisms?

      The Kiss I Never Knew
      Copyright 2003

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      • #4
        Excellent! I like the change to the chorus a lot. .
        A. C. Earle Photography (I R *NOT* a musician anymore, I done QUIT!)

        http://www.cafepress.com/enigmaphoto

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        • #5
          I really like the rewrites, too, but see the "Cliche Lyrics" thread regarding your "fire, desire" line. I would suggest rewriting that one. Everything else is really good.

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