Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2014 Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've started a new one today.Anybody like the idea?Any suggestions? I'm just digesting the idea before proceeding further. A Stand-off with Blue V1Caught in strange situationsI only misconstrueJust add to my frustrationsWith resolutions overdueSo I stare out the windowAnd watch the rainIt's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blue Middle 8…................…................…................…................ V2…................…................…................…................….................….................It's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blueSo I remain stuck in a stand-offStuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted December 22, 2014 Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 The tag line is very much the kind of tag line I like - Stuck in a Standoff with Blue. The tag line has a clear rhythm right there in the line, plus some alliteration, plus the "B" in blue is like the thuddy thump of a kick drum right on the downbeat. This forum does not attract a lot of blues fanatics, to say the least. Do you envision a standard blues feel for this? nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 This forum does not attract a lot of blues fanatics, to say the least. Do you envision a standard blues feel for this? nat whilk ii No - I won't be doing a standard blues with this. Although I love the whole blues tradition, I will never try to write in the genre - because it's all been done - and soooo very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 22, 2014 Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 I like it. The only thing that sticks out for me is this: Caught in strange situationsI only misconstrueJust add to my frustrationsWith resolutions overdueSo I stare out the windowAnd watch the rainIt's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blue You're rhyming due with do. Plus, I'm not sure if resolutions can be overdue. In other words, are you overdue on making them or keeping them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 ^^^ Ha - that great dividing stretch of water between pronunciations. If I was writing for an American singer then you would be correct, but for a UK singer the American pronunciation would change the meaning when sung as 'overdo'. I have written it to be pronounced 'overdyew'. In my life and this lyric, resolutions can be overdue………….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted December 22, 2014 Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 So should we should be hearing "stuck" as rhyming with "rook"? If you had to place your accent geographically, is it Kentish proper, or a Liverpudlian mumble, or a Yorkshire almost-brogue? I'm sure anyone who's heard my voice hears my moderate Texas-style southern accent. I did live in the Midwest for six years as a kid, so I can turn off the Texas and dial in the midwest thing, but it's getting harder to do as the decades flake and fall away. Question - are UK-ers aware that a huge swath of Americans consider themselves to have no accent at all of any kind whatsoever? Does that not say something about the rather provincial attitude that is just part of the deal over here? nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2014 So should we should be hearing "stuck" as rhyming with "rook"? If you had to place your accent geographically, is it Kentish proper, or a Liverpudlian mumble, or a Yorkshire almost-brogue? Question - are UK-ers aware that a huge swath of Americans consider themselves to have no accent at all of any kind whatsoever? Does that not say something about the rather provincial attitude that is just part of the deal over here? nat whilk ii Nobody in the English speaking world is without an accent of some kind or another. Rhyming "stuck' with "rook" would work in the north of England - especially Yorkshire and Lancashire, but generally elsewhere it wouldn't happen. A broad northern accent extends the vowels in 'rook' and 'book'. You would hear "buke' like 'fluke'. Geographically I'm from the Midlands and my parents were from London and the South Coast, so my own accent doesn't have the northern sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 23, 2014 I've tried completing this song, but I'm not feeling it.This is where I've got to, but I think I need to to just keep the tag line and build the song from a different angle. Any thoughts? Stand-off with Blue………..Burton 2014 © V1Caught in strange situationsI only misconstrueJust add to my frustrationsWith resolutions overdueSo I stare out the windowAnd watch the rainIt's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blue Middle 8Colours in my gardenColours in my roomThe wall, the floor, the window frameThe borders all in bloomI see the reds, the greens, the greysAll within my viewBut colours bleed inside of meAnd turn an opaque blue V2Caught by vague emotionsI try to subdue Contemplating fake notionsPretending it's all trueSo I lie in the moonlightAnd watch the cloudsIt's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blueSo I remain in a stand-offStuck in a stand-offStuck / in a stand-off / with blue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 23, 2014 Members Share Posted December 23, 2014 Very nice. My only thought would be to maybe change the greys to browns. I know he's talking about the colors outside the window and in his room, but it just felt a tiny bit off to see greys listed as part of the palette. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 23, 2014 ^^^^ I'm glad you approve, but I don't know why I haven't bonded with it. Maybe the post-natal depression is around the corner…… I see your point about using 'brown' but at the moment I'm hanging my hat on the sing ability of 'gre' and gra'. I make a habit of copying all comments across into the song file, so that as I move it forward now, later or much later, I can reflect on the possibilities available for use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted December 25, 2014 Members Share Posted December 25, 2014 As far as filling out lyrics goes, if you've already said what you have to say, either just say anything (e.g. Mick Jagger: "Fate has been broken, tears must be cried, let's do some living after we've died) or don't say anything, and call it done (e.g. Willie Nelson's "Crazy"). Advice for this particular song: Be very careful and deliberate about NOT letting it sound like "Tangled Up In Blue"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 25, 2014 Members Share Posted December 25, 2014 I'm so vain, I had to make sure this song wasn't about me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 25, 2014 ^^^^ .png.197c47f720636f02390cc2b0a33804da.png' alt='smiley-veryhappy'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 25, 2014 Members Share Posted December 25, 2014 But last time I tried to keep one eye on the mirror while I was trying to gavotte, I knocked over the harpsichord and two fiddlers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 25, 2014 That's why we place musicians on a stage nowadays. You crazy French Alpine dancers have always been a menace……….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted December 27, 2014 Members Share Posted December 27, 2014 I've tried completing this song, but I'm not feeling it. This is where I've got to, but I think I need to to just keep the tag line and build the song from a different angle. Any thoughts? V1 Caught in strange situations I only misconstrue Just add to my frustrations With resolutions overdue So I stare out the window And watch the rain It's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-off Stuck / in a stand-off / with blue Middle 8 Colours in my garden Colours in my room The wall, the floor, the window frame The borders all in bloom I see the reds, the greens, the greys All within my view But colours bleed inside of me And turn an opaque blue V2 Caught by vague emotions I try to subdue Contemplating fake notions Pretending it's all true So I lie in the moonlight And watch the clouds It's just another thing I do When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-off Stuck / in a stand-off / with blue So I remain in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-off Stuck / in a stand-off / with blue This is a great idea, and a great title, but you're right the verses don't set it up as well as they could. A lot of telling vs. showing (e.g., situations, emotions). If the title is "Stuck in a Standoff with Blue," then the verses should be all about stuff you're doing to fight depression, an obvious cause of which is lost love. So then list all the things you do to forget her. Or if not about a girl, then all the things you do to fight sadness: drink, exercise, casual sex, food, whatever. But give it some teeth. I would avoid the word 'misconstrue' if you can. Ditto 'emotions.' And I think the bridge is stronger if you don't actually use the word "blue" at the end, you don't need to, just let us know they all look the same now, we'll figure it out. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 28, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 28, 2014 ^^^ I agree that it would be preferable not to use the word 'blue' in the Middle 8. I thought that when I 1st wrote it, but haven't moved forward on that change yet. However, I'm staying with the word 'misconstrue' - it sings in an interesting way (in my head).'Emotions' may disappear. I'm going to disagree with you on the 'show' vs 'tell' comment though. I know that you often comment on this topic, but my writing is usually a mix of both 'show' and 'tell'. It's just the way I write. Sometimes I do a straight down the line 'show' narrative, but I really don't think a writer should limit himself in this way. Your own writing is very good, so I know that you make it work. The concept of this song is universal and everybody has their own kind of stand-off with blue. For that reason I have consciously avoided concrete events like fighting depression, lost love etc. I want the listener to join their own dots. I'd be interested to hear if other people think I'm wrong about this - I know that I'm still very much a novice at this songwriting game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted December 29, 2014 Members Share Posted December 29, 2014 The concept of this song is universal and everybody has their own kind of stand-off with blue. . Fair enough, but trying to write a universal anthem is tough - the more universal it is, the more generic it is, the more blah it risks being. So you lose me at "strange situations I misconstrue." I immediately think "like what?" Could just be me. In general you want your lyric specific enough that it grabs people with the detail, but not so specific they can't relate. There's a tension. You're already talking about looking out at the rain, I'm just saying make your examples more pungent and interesting. Obviously if your music is monstrous none of this matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 31, 2014 Fair enough, but trying to write a universal anthem is tough - the more universal it is, the more generic it is, the more blah it risks being. So you lose me at "strange situations I misconstrue." I immediately think "like what?" Could just be me. In general you want your lyric specific enough that it grabs people with the detail, but not so specific they can't relate. There's a tension. You're already talking about looking out at the rain, I'm just saying make your examples more pungent and interesting. Obviously if your music is monstrous none of this matters. Firstly - this song is in no way an attempt at a 'universal anthem' as you have put it. It's just a song that people may identify with the tag line - 'Stuck in a stand-off with blue'. Secondly, the music will not achieve 'monstrous' status as music is my weaker side of songwriting. Let me show you the intended structure of each verse just in case you have missed it: V1 (first) - being in a non-specific mental and emotional mess Caught in strange situations I only misconstrue Just add to my frustrations With resolutions overdue V1 (mid) - concrete reaction to being a mental and emotional mess So I stare out the window And watch the rain It's just another thing I do V1 (last) - conclusive statement of emotional situation When I'm stuck in a stand-off Stuck in a stand-off Stuck / in a stand-off / with blue You seem to insist that everything needs to be fully explained, and I keep saying, "No it doesn't". So we seem to be stuck in a stand-off of songwriting opinion here. I'm not suggesting for a moment that there is a right and wrong in this matter. Just that both approaches to a song are valid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted January 2, 2015 Members Share Posted January 2, 2015 You seem to insist that everything needs to be fully explained' date=' and I keep saying, [i']"No it doesn't".[/i] So we seem to be stuck in a stand-off of songwriting opinion here. I'm not suggesting for a moment that there is a right and wrong in this matter. Just that both approaches to a song are valid. Well I agree that we're in a standoff, and that's OK, but just so we're clear, my point is not that things need to be 'fully explained,' but rather that I'd prefer here if you make your point in a slightly more specific way vs. generically. But like I said, there's always a tension (i.e. universal vs specific), so you're right, there's no right answer. Also I'm certainly not 'insisting' on anything, just giving a POV....you're free to disregard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted January 3, 2015 Author Members Share Posted January 3, 2015 I don't disregard any point of view - I'm here to hear them.Healthy debate is the lifeblood of this forum - I think we benefit whether we are at the centre of it or on the periphery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.