Living Water - Demo

[DunedinDragon]

I play in a rather unorthodox church band called "The Posse Band" at a biker church. Here's a demo of a song I recently wrote and recorded as a demo for the rest of the band to be able to learn it. Bear in mind, I'm not a singer in the band, just a guitar player. The lead vocalist I developed this song for is a blues and harp player. We have two female vocalists that would be doing the echo portions of the song. This was developed as a demo so it was multi-tracked and I wasn't too concerned about multiple takes so instrumentally it's not the final product. I auto-generated the drums and the harp solo just to give everyone in the band an idea of what goes where.

 

There are a couple of areas I'm interested in as far as feedback. I intentionally "broke the rules" as far as having a common chorus that's repetitive. It just seemed to flow better to me to customize each chorus to the verse. What I was going for here was something of a bluesy feel similar to JJ Cale. How'd I do in that regard. Appreciate any and all insight.

 

 

 

LIVING WATER

 

My eyes are blurry, my throat is dry

I struggle daily barely gettin' by

Maybe it's time to try some of that living water.

[echo] living water

No end in sight for my misery

My burden's gonna be the end of me.

The only peace that I can see is that living water.

[echo] living water

 

I tried living by my own rules [my own rules]

Acting big, being a fool [such a fool]

I'm haunted by all that I've done and been

Just one drink and I won't thirst again. [bREAK]

Wine or whiskey might ease the pain [ease the pain]

The very next day my life'll be the same [be the same]

But I'll never ever thirst again with that living water.

[living water]

[GUITAR LEAD OVER SINGLE VERSE TURNAROUND]

 

 

Life's complicated more than it appears

Without a map you won't get there from here.

Everything's much more clear with that living water

[living water]

There's so much promise when your starting out

You reach the end with regrets and doubt

You'll only know what life's about with that living water.

[living water]

[CHORUS 2]

Someday you're gonna reach the finish line [finish line]

And all you learned was just a waste of time [waste of time]

It doesn't matter all that you've been through

It only matters what becomes of you.[bREAK]

There no prize for finishing first. [finish first]

For some it only goes from bad to worst [bad to worst]

Unless you quench your thirst with that living water. [living water]

[HARP LEAD OVER SINGLE VERSE TURNAROUND]

[REPEAT CHORUS 2]

You gotta quench your thirst with that living water.

[short ending with sustain]

[oldgitplayer]

I have no quarrel with the choruses being customised to their associated verses. Identical choruses are essential in some genres, but not this one in IMO, unless you want to use the song for sing-alongs.

 

I know JJ Cale's catalogue well, and although he did a bit of gospel blues, it wasn't his signature.

So I would say that your piece is generically gospel blues, rather than being JJ Cale-ish.

 

I'm not a Christian, so I don't identify with the lyric, but I like the restrained metaphor that you are using. It has a bit of preachiness about it, but not in your face stuff.

 

I read the lyric of the other song you posted about 'God's Children' and that is 100% in-your-face preachy, so I won't comment on that thread.

But I realise that these songs are for your church audience, so I guess they will be well received.

[LCK]

Nicely done.

 

The verses sound more like Steve Miller than J.J. Cale to me, but the chorus is very much in the Cale vein.

 

I like the lyric a lot too. Like OGP said, it's not too preachy. It's quite a nice song.

[DunedinDragon]

I appreciate the feedback. I guess I wasn't thinking so much about the subject matter being similar to JJ Cale as much as the feel of the piece. I'm kind of surprised at the association with Steve Miller, but then I guess I shouldn't. He was somewhat the same as JJ Cale in terms of being a minimalist (less is more) kind of song structure.

 

It's funny, I didn't associate God's Children with "preachiness" since the song was directed toward Christians with a "holier-than-thou" attitude, but I guess that's pretty preachy as well

 

[tbry]

I didn't even think of this as a praise or church song...Living Water didn't make it seem like something religious until I read the comments. JJ Cale is close, I don't recall his having a dirty guitar sound but I would have to go back and listen closer.

 

I would not have the echo/response happen so soon in the first verse...coming in at the second section lets it build a little.

 

Good recording and playing and singing...

[smross]

Sounds great, good feel, nice groove. Just ignoring the lyrics and listening to the song as a whole it has good feel. You might re-do some of the solo guitar parts. feels like it is played a little 'too' behind the beet at times. But the big piece on that track is that I believe one of you strings is out of tune which is very apparent when you play the final note of the song on it. The middle midi harmonica part needs to settle into the groove more. I would re-program that solo to let it 'breath' a little more. It is really squished in the middle there and this a super laid back song, so it doesn't really fit. Almost would be better without it, at this point.

 

So overall, sounds amazing. Re-do that one guitar track and modify/remove the solo and it would add a bunch.

[DunedinDragon]

Sounds great, good feel, nice groove. Just ignoring the lyrics and listening to the song as a whole it has good feel. You might re-do some of the solo guitar parts. feels like it is played a little 'too' behind the beet at times. But the big piece on that track is that I believe one of you strings is out of tune which is very apparent when you play the final note of the song on it. The middle midi harmonica part needs to settle into the groove more. I would re-program that solo to let it 'breath' a little more. It is really squished in the middle there and this a super laid back song, so it doesn't really fit. Almost would be better without it, at this point.

 

So overall, sounds amazing. Re-do that one guitar track and modify/remove the solo and it would add a bunch.

 

Yeah, that's why I specified it as a demo. I have no intention of improving the recording as it's only a means to an end as I mentioned in my original post. This was all one-take stuff, just enough to give everyone in the band a feel for the song and their individual parts. Eventually we'll record it as a band and I'll be more fussy.

 

As far as the guitar part, my intention is to refine that quite a bit. The lead singer/harp player and I both like the little licks and fills idea, but I think I'll be a bit more selective about where, as well as incorporate more of a Mark Knopfler vibe to the solo.

 

Thanks for the input

[DunedinDragon]

I didn't even think of this as a praise or church song...Living Water didn't make it seem like something religious until I read the comments. JJ Cale is close, I don't recall his having a dirty guitar sound but I would have to go back and listen closer.

 

I would not have the echo/response happen so soon in the first verse...coming in at the second section lets it build a little.

 

Good recording and playing and singing...

 

Ahhh!! Great idea on the echo/response! I agree. That will also help build the movement in the song a bit more. Thanks a bunch!!

[nat whilk II]

Yeah, I hear the JJ Cale pretty clearly, like LCK said, in the verses particularly, in the vocal phrasing a whole lot.

 

Lyrics-wise - the first verse has the comparison of living water to booze, which makes obvious sense. In the second verse, "living water" (which itself is a Biblical metaphor) is somehow associated with a map for living, which doesn't link up or compare metaphorically. I'd just keep working with images that relate to the water image, of which there is a seemingly endless supply -

 

water, springs, flowing, refreshing, health, rivers, cleanness, swimming, washing, green growing things, etc etc (and all the opposites for contrast)

 

And the sentiment expressed by -

 

It doesn't matter all that you've been through

It only matters what becomes of you.

 

has a logical problem if read a certain way - if it didn't matter what happens in the past, why should it follow that it matters what happens in the future?

 

Now if you mean "you need to look forward and forget the painful past that holds you back" that would make more sense, but you might tweak the wording to make that more clear.

 

Oh yeah, if you're open to comments on the music side - I'd dial back/thin out the electric guitar licks during the vocals. They'd have more impact if the licks took turns with the vocal rather than playing lots of notes at the same time as the vocals. And the rhythm guitar on the right I'd play a cleaner tone - that would also make the electric lead stand out more.

 

nat whilk ii

[DunedinDragon]

Thanks for the response nat. As I mentioned before, this is a demo so I'm not too worried about the technical aspects of the recording. It was all a single-pass effort to give the band something to work from. As I mentioned previously in my response to smross I have some ideas about how I'll approach the song once we develop it in the band.

 

As far as the second verse/chorus I think I'll have to respectfully disagree. In the first verse and chorus I leave the reference fairly superficial, but the idea in the second verse/chorus is go a bit deeper (thus the NEED for a second verse) and use it as a more theologically accurate and complete metaphor. I don't want to get into it too much as this isn't really the right place, but to explain, historically water has held a significant meaning both in Jewish and Christian traditions. The "living" water metaphor varies from the Jewish traditional repetitive water cleansing ritual to become a more permanent one time and complete change in a person's nature...thus the "born again" and baptismal aspect in Christian tradition. That's why you see the change in reference in the second verse/chorus to better reflect the life changing paradigm.

[nat whilk II]

As far as the second verse/chorus I think I'll have to respectfully disagree. In the first verse and chorus I leave the reference fairly superficial, but the idea in the second verse/chorus is go a bit deeper (thus the NEED for a second verse) and use it as a more theologically accurate and complete metaphor. I don't want to get into it too much as this isn't really the right place, but to explain, historically water has held a significant meaning both in Jewish and Christian traditions. The "living" water metaphor varies from the Jewish traditional repetitive water cleansing ritual to become a more permanent one time and complete change in a person's nature...thus the "born again" and baptismal aspect in Christian tradition. That's why you see the change in reference in the second verse/chorus to better reflect the life changing paradigm.

 

Granting all your explanation, this is still simply a song that, to be a tightly constructed thing in itself. There may be a theological connection behind the scenes as it were between living water and having a map for life, but in the song, there is simply a jumble of illogical connections -

 

I have living water so things are clearer and it solves my problem of not having a map. That's....jibberish.

 

Now if you said something like "the water clears my mind and my eyes and I can see my way home now" that would make simple sense and carries the metaphor through without illogical jumps.

 

 

nat whilk ii

[oldgitplayer]

Nat ^^^^ To a secular audience, I agree the meaning of the lyric is not tight, but to those people who embrace the dogmas of the church, it will probably all make immediate sense. And I think this is the writer's intended audience.

[nat whilk II]

Nat ^^^^ To a secular audience, I agree the meaning of the lyric is not tight, but to those people who embrace the dogmas of the church, it will probably all make immediate sense. And I think this is the writer's intended audience.

 

 

If you mean the intended audience can fill in the blanks and overlook or not even notice the inconsistent use of language, sure. Any "family" audience will do that, religious or secular. But the ancient tradition of hymns in the church stands against that sort of thing when it comes to musicians critiquing other musicians.

 

But I take DunedinDragon's submission of his song to a non-religious workshop at face value - that he wants to improve his craft, and that he wants his songs to pass muster on ordinary song-writing criteria.

 

If he, or anyone from any background, resists criticism of their art because their art gets a free pass being "the truth" - that's a problem. But that's not typical of church music at all, quite the contrary actually...and I don't pick up that vibe from DD, either. DD's first submissions are pretty good...and we're here to let him know the parts that aren't!

 

nat whilk ii

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

Fair comment Nat - I see your point about the difference between a "family" audience and a song-writing workshop.

[mbfrancis]

I think this is great, very refreshing. I couldn't write this. This would be fantastic for a Christian Blues artist, assuming those things exist.

 

The only thing I don;t like is the t "life's complicated" line, feels too "tell" vs "show." Might be a bit long, too, but that's just me.

 

Good stuff.