Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 OK, so first off. Never trying to link to something on my phone again, lol. That was a 15 minute disaster I never want to go through again. So, it's been a lonnnggg time since I've posted anything. However, when I think of songwrite help, I think of this forum. I'm working on a song right now. I've pretty much got instrumentals completed at his point. I am in need of a brainstorming session on the vocals. Specifically, I need ideas for the melody/rhythm that the vocals will take form of throughout the song. Here is the structure for all of you brave souls that are willing to give this a go. Verse, pre-chorus, chorus, Verse, pre-chorus, bridge => outro http://soundcloud.com/stfn707/trojan-horse-instrumental Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 It would help if there were lyrics...from the sound it will need a strong vocalist that can belt out rock/prog style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 Here are some lyrics to start you off... ideas for the first verse. The city burns around them,The blood it leaves each tender piece,Bodies underfoot,Love destroys us all,Hubris the thoughts,That surround them,The Trojan horse has come and gone, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 Here are some lyrics to start you off... ideas for the first verse. The city burns around them, The blood it leaves each tender piece, Bodies underfoot, Love destroys us all, Hubris the thoughts, That surround them, The Trojan horse has come and gone, The track is very well put together. Your opening line is very good. So is "love destroys us all." I wouldn't use the word hubris if I were you. I get the reference, but I don't think most people will. Plus it's not a word that can be sung well. Are you going for a story or just a mood? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 LCK, thank you for the feedback. Good point on Hubris. I was more forcing that word in there because of the severity of the tone it set. I will rethink that one. As for the story or mood, I am trying to make it into a story that kind of wavers back and forth between the historical story of Troy and a love story(with the trojan horse being lies and deception, and the burning/destroyed city being love, or the heart). Currently I am struggling with the correct melody/rhythm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 Here is my first shot at it, I removed two lines from the vocals and allowed the song to 'breath' a little more at the beginning. Thoughts? Should I start the vocal line one phrase earlier? How does the melody work for everyone's ears? *****EDIT***** I didn't realize that if I made the track private I had to paste a special link. I've corrected it below. https://soundcloud.com/stfn707/trojan-horse-verse-1-v1/s-TK0Uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 The instrumental track in your 1st post is very nice and moody, and I can already feel the story of the Trojan horse as a metaphor for destructive love. Unfortunately the new link with vocals isn't working. Perhaps you could fix that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 It should be working now... If it still isn't I will change the status from Private to Public and that should, is it still not working? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 Yep - it's working now. I think the vocal melody is sitting vey well with the backing track, so I say keep going with the development of the primary melody.Refining the lyric can follow on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 21, 2014 Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 Yep - it's working now. I think the vocal melody is sitting vey well with the backing track, so I say keep going with the development of the primary melody. Refining the lyric can follow on. Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2014 https://soundcloud.com/stfn707/troja...-outro/s-ov7o9 Ok, here it goes so far... I'm not sure I'm going to keep the spoken word part in the middle... I still need to start the vocals for the outro but if I don't get some chores done my wife is going to kill me... hah. Here are the lyrics so far so that you can critique them. Verse1The city burns around them,The blood it leave each tender piece,Bodies underfoot,Love destroys us all,The Trojan horse has come and gone, ChorusThey really though that thought was the answer,Taken by force it would start a cancer,They didn't know it ended in ruin,Focused inwards no one else mattered, ***Spoken***It's the same story really,A man falls in love with a woman,A woman with a man,You are the apple of my eye he said,A reason to keep on breathing,They lose track of time and place,They are blind to the world around them,They pay no head to the mess they cause,There is a choice they must make, Verse2If we make the hard choice,It could save us all,Salvage what is standing,Save unbroken walls,The Trojan horse has come and gone, ChorusThey really though that thought was the answer,Taken by force it would start a cancer,They didn't know it ended in ruin,Focused inwards no one else mattered, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted December 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 23, 2014 Here is the most complete version, I've mixed it some more and added some to the end, it still needs more. Will continue when I have time. https://soundcloud.com/stfn707/trojan-horse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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