"Boise & Hannah" - rough guitar/vocal

[LCK]

There are some problems still with the lyric. For instance, I think it was a mistake to give Hannah two young daughters; it introduces a dynamic that I can't really develop. And the first mention of Hank isn't quite right, etc.

 

But I thought I would post this so you can get a feel for the tune.

 

All comments are welcome!

 

 

"

Farewell to Boise and Hannah"

 

 

 

He’d parked in the rain down on Main Street

in the light of the neon bars.

He made his farewell to sweet Hannah

on a night without any stars.

When he asked if she’d like to come with him

she sighed. “Maybe one of these days.”

For though Hannah was a free spirit

she'd been left with two daughters to raise.

 

As he drove across the Snake River,

his dog Hank in the passenger seat,

he said farewell to Boise and Hannah.

“Life without her, Hank, won’t be as sweet.”

 

 

He’d sent tapes out to Medford and Salem,

to Portland and Ashland and Bend.

He was offered a gig in Corvallis,

weekday evenings from six until ten.

He and Hank liked the vibe of the city,

a small university town,

just 45 miles from the ocean.

Days off they might take a drive down.

 

He and Hank had traveled through snowstorms,

past mountains and valleys and streams.

Now it’s farewell to Boise and Hannah

and hello to his radio dreams.

 

 

Ah, but AM was losing its listeners,

less music, more traffic and news.

So to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,

the itinerant disc-jockey blues.

Sometimes late at night she might call him

and ask him to play her a song.

And though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,

now both with some grey in their hair.

And it’s farewell to Hannah’s sweet shadow,

and hello to that radio station,

perhaps their last destination,

the next small-town radio station

up ahead somewhere.

Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP)

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

Your singing is good on this one.

My thoughts on the music are that a lot of it is too familiar. It may not be a direct lift, but it sounds like it's out of the Hank Williams era.

The rest is fine. I especially like the tune of the final 4 lines.

 

I'll highlight the lines that I'm finding overly familiar.

 

 

He’d parked in the rain down on Main Street

in the light of the neon bars.

He made his farewell to sweet Hannah

on a night without any stars.

When he asked if she’d like to come with him

she sighed. “Maybe one of these days.”

For though Hannah was a free spirit

she'd been left with two daughters to raise.

 

As he drove across the Snake River,

his dog Hank in the passenger seat,

he said farewell to Boise and Hannah.

“Life without her, Hank, won’t be as sweet.”

 

 

He’d sent tapes out to Medford and Salem,

to Portland and Ashland and Bend.

He was offered a gig in Corvallis,

weekday evenings from six until ten.

He and Hank liked the vibe of the city,

a small university town,

just 45 miles from the ocean.

Days off they might take a drive down.

 

He and Hank had traveled through snowstorms,

past mountains and valleys and streams.

Now it’s farewell to Boise and Hannah

and hello to his radio dreams.

 

 

Ah, but AM was losing its listeners,

less music, more traffic and news.

So to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,

the itinerant disc-jockey blues.

Sometimes late at night she might call him

and ask him to play her a song.

And though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,

now both with some grey in their hair.

And it’s farewell to Hannah’s sweet shadow,

and hello to that radio station,

perhaps their last destination,

the next small-town radio station

up ahead somewhere

 

Edit: I forgot to mention that the old style music doesn't quite support what appears to be a more modern narrative.

[LCK]

Your singing is good on this one.

My thoughts on the music are that a lot of it is too familiar. It may not be a direct lift, but it sounds like it's out of the Hank Williams era.

 

The rest is fine. I especially like the tune of the final 4 lines.

 

Edit: I forgot to mention that the old style music doesn't quite support what appears to be a more modern narrative.[/color]

 

I actually don't know where the music came from. I don't feel it has anything to do with Hank Williams. As I was first starting to find my way with it I felt I was "lifting" things from the Kingston Trio or Gale Garnett's song "We'll Sing in the Sunshine." To me, though, now that's it's almost "finished," it feels like an Irish or Scottish tune.

 

The time frame of the story is probably the mid to late 1980s.

 

I'm not sure I'm getting what feels "over familiar" about some of the lines you've put in bold. I don't recall ever hearing a song like this one. Maybe you're objecting to the emphasis on geographical names?

 

Anyway, thanks for listening.

[LCK]

"We'll Sing in the Sunshine," Gale Garnett.

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

 

I'm not sure I'm getting what feels "over familiar" about some of the lines you've put in bold. I don't recall ever hearing a song like this one. Maybe you're objecting to the emphasis on geographical names?.

 

Methinks I haven't been clear enough.

I really like the lyric - the highlighted lines are NOT about the lyric, they are about the melody of those lines being overly familiar and of an earlier era.

Maybe not Hank Williams - I confess to not knowing the American Songbook that well. But of his era.

 

[LCK]

the highlighted lines are NOT about the lyric, they are about the melody of those lines being overly familiar and of an earlier era.

 

Oh, I see! Well that makes much more sense.

 

Yes, there's definitely a familiar feel to those lines, musically.

 

It's funny because the original melody (if there was one, it was in nascent form) sounded too much like Kingston Trio era stuff. So I kind of carved it into what I would call a more Gaelic-ish tune.

 

And I kinda like that familiar feeling.

 

Unless you think it's an unconscious rip-off of a specific song?

[oldgitplayer]

 

Unless you think it's an unconscious rip-off of a specific song?

 

No - I don't know a specific song, but there still might be one.

 

[LCK]

Lyrical update. New stuff is in bold.

 

I'm not sure about the "FM and satellite shows" line. A placeholder for now, I guess.

 

Other than that, I think it's mostly there lyrically.

 

 

Farewell to Boise and Hannah

 

 

 

He parked in the rain down on Main Street

in the light of the neon bars.

He said his goodbyes to sweet Hannah

on a night without any stars.

Now Hannah was not a free spirit

despite her hippie-like bartending ways.

When he asked if she’d like to come with him

she said,“Maybe one of these days.”

 

He took I-84 to the border

with his dog in the passenger seat

and said farewell to Boise and Hannah.

“Without her, boy, life won’t be as sweet.”

 

He sent tapes to Missoula and Pasco,

to Spokane and Portland and Bend.

He was offered a gig in Corvallis,

weekday evenings from six until ten.

He and Hank liked the vibe of the city—

a small university town,

just 45 miles from the ocean.

Days off, they might take a drive down

 

They traveled high desert and sagebrush,

and mountains and valleys and streams.

Now it’s farewell to Boise and Hannah

and hello to his radio dreams.

 

Ah, but AM was losing its listeners

to FM and satellite shows.

So to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,

the itinerant disc-jockey goes.

Sometimes late at night she might call him

and ask him to play her a song.

Though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,

now each with some grey in his hair.

And it’s farewell to Hannah’s sweet shadow,

and hello to that radio station,

perhaps their last destination,

the next small-town radio station

up ahead somewhere.

 

Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP)

 

 

 

[LCK]

I played this on the piano last night. (I don't have a piano, but I found myself with access to one.) And it felt like a cross between gospel and Stephen Foster, with maybe a little Tom Waits (in his Stephen Foster mode) thrown in.

 

Thoughts?

[nat whilk II]

Yeah, "We'll Sing in the Sunshine", and to my ear, some Steve Goodman in there, too.

 

Personally, on the penultimate line of the verses - "free spirit", "the ocean", "heard them", where you go up from the 3rd to the root note of the chord, I'd just go down a third to the root instead. That "lilt" interval up just sounds a bit sentimental or cowboyish to me, distracts from the lonesome feeling. But then I've never been much of a Stephen Foster fan, either.

 

I've always loved "travelin' on the lonesome highway" songs ever since I heard By The Time I Get to Phoenix approx one billion years ago, and I like this one, too. Needs a mandolin I'm thinking.

 

nat whilk ii

 

[LCK]

Yeah, "We'll Sing in the Sunshine", and to my ear, some Steve Goodman in there, too.

 

Personally, on the penultimate line of the verses - "free spirit", "the ocean", "heard them", where you go up from the 3rd to the root note of the chord, I'd just go down a third to the root instead. That "lilt" interval up just sounds a bit sentimental or cowboyish to me, distracts from the lonesome feeling. But then I've never been much of a Stephen Foster fan, either.

 

I've always loved "travelin' on the lonesome highway" songs ever since I heard By The Time I Get to Phoenix approx one billion years ago, and I like this one, too. Needs a mandolin I'm thinking.

 

nat whilk ii

 

Thanks. I especially appreciate the Steve Goodman comment.

 

On the part of the melody line you mentioned, that melodic phrase sits on top of a G chord, and on the version I have now it goes up to the G. In other iterations of that phrase, earlier in each verse, the melody goes to an E (the 6th of the G chord). If I get what you're saying, you'd like the melody to go down to the B instead of up to the G on that last iteration.

 

I just tried that and it actually sounds pretty good, so I may keep it.

[oldgitplayer]

It's interesting - the moment you mentioned playing it on the piano, I began to hear it rendered in the mood of a Billy Joel ballad.

[LCK]

It's interesting - the moment you mentioned playing it on the piano, I began to hear it rendered in the mood of a Billy Joel ballad.

 

That is interesting.

[stickboymusic]

Wow this is great. Piano may elevate it What the hell are them spammy comments on your song link page???!

[LCK]

Wow this is great. Piano may elevate it What the hell are them spammy comments on your song link page???!

 

Thanks!

 

As for the spam, you got me. I think all the comments are from the same person. I must have pissed him or her off somewhere along the way, and this is the result.

[mbfrancis]

I almost don't want to comment on this, as it's pretty great as is, and it's nice, small song - not trying to change the world, just paint a unique picture of a unique guy. But here goes.

 

For me the pacing/weight/flow is a little off. You a whole verse in Corvallis, and include all these necessary details (the beach, university town), when it doesn't matter, what's important is that 1) he's itinerant, and so had to leave his love, and 2) he's not very successful, so basically goes from small market to small market, wherever he can find work. Everything else is fat I think. Why not add another place in to illustrate his plight. (Not sure what Hank adds to this, too, but I'm not a dog guy.)

 

I also think the whole "radio market is dying" is similarly unnecessary, UNLESS it drives him back to Boise and Hannah, which is what I thought you were going to do at the end (and change the words in the chorus). Otherwise why mention it?

 

That said I love these lines:

 

Sometimes late at night she might call him

and ask him to play her a song.

Though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

Hope this helps.

[LCK]

I almost don't want to comment on this, as it's pretty great as is, and it's nice, small song - not trying to change the world, just paint a unique picture of a unique guy. But here goes.

 

For me the pacing/weight/flow is a little off. You a whole verse in Corvallis, and include all these necessary details (the beach, university town), when it doesn't matter, what's important is that 1) he's itinerant, and so had to leave his love, and 2) he's not very successful, so basically goes from small market to small market, wherever he can find work. Everything else is fat I think. Why not add another place in to illustrate his plight. (Not sure what Hank adds to this, too, but I'm not a dog guy.)

 

I also think the whole "radio market is dying" is similarly unnecessary, UNLESS it drives him back to Boise and Hannah, which is what I thought you were going to do at the end (and change the words in the chorus). Otherwise why mention it?

 

That said I love these lines:

 

Sometimes late at night she might call him

and ask him to play her a song.

Though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Yes, you bring up some interesting points for me to mull over.

[mbfrancis]

Wow I typed too fast...to be clear:

 

For me the pacing/weight/flow is a little off. You have a whole verse in Corvallis, and then include all these unnecessary details (the beach, university town), when it doesn't matter, what's important is that 1) he's itinerant, and so had to leave his love, and 2) he's not very successful, so basically goes from small market to small market, wherever he can find work.

 

[LCK]

Wow I typed too fast...to be clear:

 

You have a whole verse in Corvallis, and then include all these unnecessary details

 

Yeah, I got that. You're right, some of the 2nd verse is filler.

 

Here's a new draft.

 

I'm just worried I might've added too much back story to the song.

 

"Farewell to Boise and Hannah"

 

Well, he parked in the rain down on Main Street.

He left his dog Hank in the car.

Then he said his goodbyes to sweet Hannah

while she took a quick break from the bar.

Although Hannah had quite a free spirit,

she’d been left with two young girls to raise.

When he asked if she’d like to come with him

she said, “Maybe one of these days.”

 

When he crossed over the Oregon border,

he'd been sober for nearly a year.

It was farewell to Boise and Hannah,

one more chance at a broadcast career.

 

He’d sent airchecks to Portland and Pasco,

to Spokane and Medford and Bend.

He got offered a gig in Corvallis,

weekday evenings from six until ten.

He and Hank liked the vibe of the city

—just a small university town,

Maybe Hannah might come for a visit.

Some day they might all settle down.

 

He still sends tapes to stations in Boise.

Once a month; once a month, no reply.

So it’s farewell to Boise and Hannah,

sweet Hannah farewell and goodbye.

 

Ah, but AM was losing its listeners,

less music, more topical shows.

So to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,

the itinerant disc-jockey goes.

Sometimes late at night she’ll still call him

and ask him to play her a song.

Though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,

now each with some grey in their hair.

And it’s farewell to Hannah’s sweet shadow,

and hello to that radio station,

perhaps their last destination,

the next small-town radio station

up ahead somewhere.

Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP)

 

[oldgitplayer]

I like the new draft, and I don't think there's too much backstory.

 

Here are a couple of observations to mull over:

 

He parked in the rain down on Main Street………..I didn't like starting the song with 'Well'

And left his dog Hank in the car.

Then he said his goodbyes to sweet Hannah

while she took a quick break from the bar.

Although Hannah had quite a free spirit,

she’d been left with two young girls to raise.

When he asked if she’d like to come with him

she said, “Maybe one of these days.”

 

When he crossed over the Oregon border,

he'd been sober for nearly a year.

It was farewell to Boise and Hannah,

“Life without her, Hank, won’t be as sweet.”……….I think this original line has more charm

 

He’d sent tapes to Portland and Pasco, ………'airchecks' may be too technical - you use tapes in the next section

to Spokane and Medford and Bend.

He got offered a gig in Corvallis,

weekday evenings from six until ten.

He and Hank liked the vibe of the city

—just a small university town,

Maybe Hannah might come for a visit.

Some day they might all settle down.

 

He still sends tapes to stations in Boise.

Once a month; once a month, no reply.

So it’s farewell to Boise and Hannah,

sweet Hannah farewell and goodbye.

 

But AM was losing its listeners,………..might just ditch the 'Ah' as well

less music, more topical shows.

So to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,

the itinerant disc-jockey goes.

Sometimes late at night she’ll still call him

and ask him to play her a song.

Though she’s too far away to have heard them

he’s played songs for her all along.

 

He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,

now each with some grey in their hair.

And it’s farewell to Hannah’s sweet shadow,

and hello to that radio station,

perhaps their last destination,

the next small-town radio station

up ahead somewhere.