Jump to content

Welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'.


DonnaMarilyn

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I take part every year in the FAWM or 50-90 songwriting challenge. On the site, there’s a titular tool that throws up zany lines; ‘welcome at the shady saviour’ leapt onto my keyboard. Got me thinking about a little pub I often pass when I walk into town. The door is usually open, revealing the dark interior, the men, the women, the rituals.

 

Before handing this over to my collaborator, I thought I’d run it past you. Anything major that warrants re-thinking?

 

WELCOME AT THE 'SHADY SAVIOUR'

 

V1

Holy is the straining laughter

Holy are the searching eyes

Holy is the prize they're after

Holy are the hopeful lies

 

Chorus

Everyone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'

A bar on the far edge of town

It's a shifting shape of a room

An underworld of the lonely

Where unsung, restless flowers

Come to bloom

 

V2

Blesséd are the hands that touch you

Blesséd is the wine you sip

Blesséd are the words you utter

Blesséd are the stranger's lips

 

Chorus

Everyone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'

A bar on the far edge of town

It's a shifting shape of a room

An underworld of the lonely

Where unsung, restless flowers

Come to bloom

 

Bridge

The longings are simple

They burn with clarity

A little faith, a little hope

A little charity

 

Chorus

Everyone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'

A bar on the far edge of town

It's a shifting shape of a room

An underworld of the lonely

Where unsung, restless flowers

Come to bloom

 

© 2013-2014 Donna Devine

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Very nicely done, indeed.

 

My only two bits of advice would be to ditch the word bar for joint or dive or something. I would also come up with something with a bit more clarity and precision than "a shifting shape of a room..."

 

There's something good there, but that's not it, IMO.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...