Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 I take part every year in the FAWM or 50-90 songwriting challenge. On the site, there’s a titular tool that throws up zany lines; ‘welcome at the shady saviour’ leapt onto my keyboard. Got me thinking about a little pub I often pass when I walk into town. The door is usually open, revealing the dark interior, the men, the women, the rituals. Before handing this over to my collaborator, I thought I’d run it past you. Anything major that warrants re-thinking? WELCOME AT THE 'SHADY SAVIOUR' V1Holy is the straining laughterHoly are the searching eyesHoly is the prize they're afterHoly are the hopeful lies ChorusEveryone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'A bar on the far edge of townIt's a shifting shape of a roomAn underworld of the lonelyWhere unsung, restless flowersCome to bloom V2Blesséd are the hands that touch youBlesséd is the wine you sipBlesséd are the words you utterBlesséd are the stranger's lips ChorusEveryone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'A bar on the far edge of townIt's a shifting shape of a roomAn underworld of the lonelyWhere unsung, restless flowersCome to bloom BridgeThe longings are simpleThey burn with clarityA little faith, a little hopeA little charity ChorusEveryone's welcome at the 'Shady Saviour'A bar on the far edge of townIt's a shifting shape of a roomAn underworld of the lonelyWhere unsung, restless flowersCome to bloom © 2013-2014 Donna Devine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 Very nice - there are some wonderful images that stretch the imagination. I think the music might be a challenge for someone. It will need e very definite mood for the 'holy' and 'blessed' direction. I think Paul Simon could handle it well………. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 17, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 17, 2014 Thank you, OGP. I'm curious too as to how my muso guy will handle those directions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 18, 2014 Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 Very nicely done, indeed. My only two bits of advice would be to ditch the word bar for joint or dive or something. I would also come up with something with a bit more clarity and precision than "a shifting shape of a room..." There's something good there, but that's not it, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 Thanks, LCK. Suggestions duly noted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted December 18, 2014 Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 Everyone's welcome at the 'Shady Savior'A dive on the far edge of townMuch more than a poorly lit roomAn underworld of the lonelyWhere unsung, restless flowersCome to bloom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 And yours noted as well, Ryan. Thanks for looking in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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