Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 It's got an odd structure as of right now. The verses come in packages of three. I'm not even sure what exactly the story is, except it appears to be about a radio guy, leaving his girlfriend in Idaho for a new gig in Oregon. There's also a dog in the story... "Farewell to Boise and Hannah" 1aHe drove through the rain down on Main Streetin the light of the neon bars.He’d made his farewell to sweet Hannahon a night with no moon and no stars. 1bHe took I-84 to the borderAnd the “Welcome to Oregon” sign.It was farewell to Boise and Hannahhello Idaho/Oregon line. 1cAs he drove across the Snake Riverwith his dog in the passenger seat.He said, “Boy, we’re both gonna miss herand living won’t feel half as sweet.” 2aHe’d sent tapes to Medford and SalemPortland and Ashland and Bend.He was offered a gig in Corvallisweekday evenings from six until ten. ..... ??? Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles KelleyWest Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 You've got me - I want to know what happens to them. I'm presuming that Boise is a town in Idaho. Because the song is filled with proper nouns, I sort of wanted the dog to have a bit more of a title. Is their a single syllable breed? I also feel that 'hello Idaho / Oregon line' could be improved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 "Farewell to Boise and Hannah" 1He’d parked in the rain down on Main Streetin the light of the neon barswhere he made his farewell to sweet Hannahon a night with no moon and no stars.He took I-84 to the borderand the “Welcome to Oregon” sign.It was farewell to Boise and Hannah,“hello Idaho/Oregon line.” ChorusHe drove across the Snake Riverwith his dog in the passenger seat,and said, “Boy, we’re both gonna miss her,without her life won’t feel half as sweet.” (instrumental) 2He’d sent tapes out to Medford and Salem,to Portland and Ashland and Bend.He’d been offered a gig in Corvallisweekday evenings from six until ten.US 20 took him through sagebrushthen mountains and pine trees and streams.It was farewell to Boise and Hannahand goodbye to his satchel of dreams. Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles KelleyWest Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 You've got me - I want to know what happens to them. I'm presuming that Boise is a town in Idaho. Because the song is filled with proper nouns, I sort of wanted the dog to have a bit more of a title. Is their a single syllable breed? I also feel that 'hello Idaho / Oregon line' could be improved. Thanks for the feedback. Yes, Boise is the capital of Idaho. I wanted to give the dog a name. Maybe in a later section. As for "hello Idaho/Oregon line" I think it sounds pretty damn good when sung... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 Sagebrush in Central Oregon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 It's starting to gel a bit, I hope... "Farewell to Boise and Hannah" 1He drove through the rain down on Main Streetin the light of the neon barsHe made his farewell to sweet Hannahon a night without any stars.He took I-84 to the borderand the “Welcome to Oregon” sign.It was farewell to Boise and Hannah,“hello Idaho/Oregon line.” ChorusHe drove across the Snake Riverwith his dog in the passenger seat.He said, “Buddy, we’re both gonna miss her,without her life won’t be as sweet.” (instrumental) 2He’d sent tapes out to Medford and Salem,to Portland and Ashland and Bend.He’d been offered a gig in Corvallisweekday evenings from six until ten.He took US 20 through sagebrushpast mountains and pine trees and streams.It was farewell to Boise and Hannahand hello to his radio dreams. ChorusThen he crossed the Willamette Riverwith his dog in the passenger seat.He said, “Buddy, we’re both gonna miss her,without her life won’t feel half as sweet.” (instrumental) 3Now Hannah was never a dreamerdespite obvious hippie-like ways.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWhen he’d asked if she’d like to come with himshe smiled then she sweetly declined.It was farewell to Boise and Hannah,and all the things left behind. ChorusSometimes late at night, she’ll still call himand ask him to play her a song.But though she’s too far away to hear themhe’s been playing for her all along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 Yes - it's gelling, but I have some structural suggestions: 1. V3 is the 1st shift from the unfolding narrative to commentary, so I think that section should focus on overview and be a distinct Bridge. 2. I like the developing geographic narrative (+ dog) of the chorus and was disappointed when reaching the final chorus to find a complete structural shift. Don't you think it might work better if you retain the chorus format but this time with the dog on a chair and the narrator still saying something about the sweetness of life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 Turning into a fetching story. It's like a good TV series, when you're waiting for the next episode. A suggestion: To distinguish chorus 1 & 2 a little more, perhaps start with the present participle (i.e. 'Driving across the Snake River'/'Crossing the Willamette River'). This way it won't sound like an extension of the verses (especially as V1 starts with 'He drove'). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 Good ideas, OGP and DM. Thanks! I'm not really tied to much of anything yet. I'm just feeling my way along with this one to see where it takes me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 It's starting to take a bit more shape. What do you think? The tune is starting to come together pretty nicely. Maybe I'll get my **************** together and record a version tonight.... "Farewell to Boise and Hannah"(or The Itinerant Disc-Jockey Blues) 1.He’d parked in the rain down on Main Streetin the light of the neon barswhere he'd made his farewell to sweet Hannahon a night without any stars.Hannah was not a free spiritdespite her hippie-like bartending ways.When he asked if she’d like to come with himshe smiled. “Maybe one of these days.” As he drove across the Snake River,his dog Hank in the passenger seat,he said farewell to Boise and Hannah."Life without her, boy, won’t be as sweet.” 2He’d sent tapes out to Medford and Salem,to Portland and Ashland and Bend.He got offered a gig in Corvallis,weekday evenings from six until ten.He and Hank liked the vibe of the city,just a small university town,about 45 miles from the ocean,days off they might drive co-eds down. He and his dog had ridden through sagebrush,past mountains and pine trees and streamswith a farewell to Boise and Hannahand hello to his radio dreams. 3Ah, but AM was losing its listeners,less music, more traffic and news.So down to Ely then Provo then Flagstaff,the itinerant disc jockey blues.Sometimes late at night she might call himand ask him to play her a song.But though she’s too far away to have heard themhe’s played songs for her all along. He and Hank cross the wide Colorado,both a little bit worse for wear.Now it’s farewell to Hannah’s old shadow,and hello to that radio stationperhaps the last radio station,the next radio station somewhere. Words & Music © 2014 by Lee Charles KelleyWest Sixty Ninth Street (ASCAP) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 18, 2014 Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 It's a good yarn - I like it.Well crafted as usual.I only stumbled on the final 2 lines. I know what you are doing, but you are using 'last' to indicate 'final', and it is a word that is just as often used to mean 'previously'. Hence the momentary confusion and need to re-read. But other than that I think it's terrific. Semi-autobiographical I presume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2014 It's a good yarn - I like it. Well crafted as usual. I only stumbled on the final 2 lines. I know what you are doing, but you are using 'last' to indicate 'final', and it is a word that is just as often used to mean 'previously'. Hence the momentary confusion and need to re-read. But other than that I think it's terrific. Semi-autobiographical I presume. Thanks! Very semi. I only worked at three markets during my 15 years in radio. But I knew guys who led a real itinerant lifestyle, always moving from market to market, always just passing through... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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