It's Just As Well (old demo)

[mbfrancis]

I haven't been able to finish anything in the last couple of weeks, so I figured I'd post an old one. Just a guitar/vocal demo (dig the pops from the cassette master!). The lyric is a little incoherent, and occasionally super pretentious - I wonder how much surgery it needs to be good. I like the interplay between bass and melody though, it would be nice to keep somehow. Let me know what you think.

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12997407

 

"It’s just as well

 

Though I know I will

I shouldn’t speak to you

And that’s probably overkill

But it’s all I can do

And I stopped the other day

And wondered why I call

And say what I shouldn’t say

I don’t seem to mind at all

 

CHORUS

But I don’t need this - any more than you do

I don’t deserve this - did I deserve you?

I don’t need to curse and doubt you

Live without you now

It’s hard to tell

I suppose it’s just as well

 

Though I know we’ve talked

And I’ll admit we’ve kissed

That still won’t explain

Why I am writing this

And I should probably say

Goodbye once and for all

And I suppose I have

If I correctly recall

 

CHORUS

 

But I’ve never felt so violated

Incapacitated, infuriated

And though this comes a bit belated

I won’t apologize

Like you have so many times

I won’t romanticize

Our still-born demise

I never felt so let down

I’ve never felt so happy (3x)

 

Call this hyperbole

And you’re probably right

But see what you mean to me

I could go on all night

 

CHORUS

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

I agree that the melody and the guitar work with bass runs all work very nicely together.

I wasn't able however to either identify with the content or care about the protagonist. I very quickly tired of the wordiness of it all.

 

Brutal critique? - I guess so - but those were my 1st impressions.

So this an old piece - would you consider keeping the music but having a fresh run at the lyric?

Either pare it down or write another lyric?

[LCK]

I like the chorus, musically and lyrically.

[mbfrancis]

So this an old piece - would you consider keeping the music but having a fresh run at the lyric?

Either pare it down or write another lyric?

Absolutely - that's exactly why I posted it...trying to figure out what to keep. Agree the wordiness is what grates the most.

[tbry]

I like the playing and singing and if we weren't on a critique board probably be just fine...the only section I thought that could be nixed was at about 2 min to 2:25 (approx)....just maybe, an added instrument or just the git playing the verse melody and I would call it good to go.

[nat whilk II]

Tempo - for an acoustic song it seems too fast, the lyrics go by too fast to make the mood stick.

 

But as a full band electric guitar song, all tricked out with harmonies, the tempo seems right at least in my head....sort of New Pornographers vibe but not quite as pushy and relentless as their mixes tend to be.

 

The modified call and response thing with the verse melody is nice - I would probably try to peg the two "voices" further apart scalewise.

 

On "I don't seem to mind at all" I wouldn't just repeat the melody used earlier in the verse, but make it a melodic run up right to the first note of the chorus melody. That would add some drama, and also it would break up the repetitious feel of the melody which is hindering the overall effect of the song quite a bit.

 

However it can be done, I would want to make the tag line "I suppose it's just as well" sound very unconvincing. Maybe just in your vocal phrasing, maybe in the melody itself? That is, the guy really doesn't think it would be just as well, he knows it and we know it in spite of him saying it.

 

Cause the whole idea is the guy's mind going back and forth between positives and negatives, apologies and self-defenses, etc - clearly on a very uncomfortable fulcrum.

 

Maybe the chord structure or little instrumental motifs could communicate the unsettled feeling, make it sort of swim around more restlessly. Right now it's sort of "left hand/right hand" over and over - that gets a little old done so directly.

 

You know, this reminds me of that show tune you posted up a while back. This has a Broadway feel to it at the same time it sounds very alt-rock. That's pretty unique - nice!

 

This tune I think could be worked up into something really satisfying.

 

nat whilk ii

 

[LCK]

This has a Broadway feel to it at the same time it sounds very alt-rock.

 

nat whilk ii

 

Yes. It's a bit cluttered, lyrically, but there's something there worth keeping.

[mbfrancis]

Nat, thanks for the extensive write-up, a lot to go on.

 

Alt-Broadway....I like it. Pretty close to where I'm coming from. (Love New Pornographers.)

 

You seem to like the ambiguous "fulcrum" (nice word choice), but I'm not sure. Part of me thinks it should be a lot more clear where the protagonist stands. Basically it's about being with someone you shouldn't, but it just feels *so good*. She's apologetic because her psycho ex-boyfriend took a baseball bat to your car when he saw you together, so there's that. But that convolutes the whole thing. Seems like the bridge needs the most lyric updating for clarity. Maybe just simplify it and make it all good.

 

I really love the first two lines, want to keep those. Not sure I care about anything else lyrically. Maybe the end of the bridge - "never been so happy." Dunno.

 

Thanks again, all.