Members tbry Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 I didn't want you guys to think I never do anything, though very little when it comes to recording...it takes so much time and work and admire you guys that have that talent and ability. This is something I have meant to capture and not forget that I wrote a while back...I just used a cell phone...there is some crackling at the start and IDK if that is clipping or not but it doesn't happen later. Still, this is very lo-fi...just wanted to share. When the ahhs aahhhs come in I want to add more harmony layers...if I ever get an interface ,then maybe.... In the land of Fantasy In the land of fantasyLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in a fantasy When the night comesHe is at home aloneLike you...and meAll living in a fantasy Surly he knowsReality it showsThe face in the mirrorIs afraid to be nearSomeone who can touch his very soul Ahhh ah ahhh In the land of fantasyLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in a fantasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 I think this is a good start of something.The prosody is off in places which is a distraction. It needs some thought as to where the emphasis should fall. Given that the verses are so short, I find the duplication of the word 'fantasy' a bit much.I think the song would benefit from a re-write of either the 1st or 4th line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 Love the guitar, love the chords. Love the concept. Hate the word "fantasy." The contrast between "fantasy" and "reality" in pop is so played out one could argue those words should be banned, ha. The only way I think you could lean so hard into "fantasy" is if there was a twist or joke each time, dunno. Sorry, hope this helps. Can you find a more unique way to say fantasy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 I think this is a good start of something. The prosody is off in places which is a distraction. It needs some thought as to where the emphasis should fall. Given that the verses are so short, I find the duplication of the word 'fantasy' a bit much. I think the song would benefit from a re-write of either the 1st or 4th line. Yeah, Thanks..it has prosody issues because of my delivery, but I will try to tidy it up. Short little piece, maybe you have a point with too many fantasy's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 Love the guitar, love the chords. Love the concept. Hate the word "fantasy." The contrast between "fantasy" and "reality" in pop is so played out one could argue those words should be banned, ha. The only way I think you could lean so hard into "fantasy" is if there was a twist or joke each time, dunno. Sorry, hope this helps. Can you find a more unique way to say fantasy? Thanks for the compliments on the guitar...I felt I missed a lot of notes and the recording is terrible. To much fantasy in a short piece is understandable... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 It probably doesn't solve the whole "these words should be banned" thing but maybe you could say In the land of make believeLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in a fantasy It isn't the full answer but at least it loses one of the "fantasy" mentions I guess if you ever got to record it , you could make it a little psychedelic.... flanger on the voice ect and place it back in the sixties where these sorts of lyrics were pretty common. Its a good start though and good to see you post something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 Maybe to go even more OUT THERE In the land beyond the treesLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in a fantasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 It probably doesn't solve the whole "these words should be banned" thing but maybe you could say In the land of make believe Lives a man That looks a lot like you... and me All living in a fantasy It isn't the full answer but at least it loses one of the "fantasy" mentions I guess if you ever got to record it , you could make it a little psychedelic.... flanger on the voice ect and place it back in the sixties where these sorts of lyrics were pretty common. Its a good start though and good to see you post something Thanks Stick, I like that idea....that fits real well. It wouldn't be the same song without fantasy but losing one of them makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 25, 2014 Members Share Posted November 25, 2014 It probably doesn't solve the whole "these words should be banned" thing but maybe you could say In the land of make believe Lives a man That looks a lot like you... and me All living in a fantasy It isn't the full answer but at least it loses one of the "fantasy" mentions I guess if you ever got to record it , you could make it a little psychedelic.... flanger on the voice ect and place it back in the sixties where these sorts of lyrics were pretty common. Its a good start though and good to see you post something I agree with Stick. I think this is the start of something quite good. I really like the "ahs..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Thanks Lee CK...I agree. In my mind if I had the recording ability the ahhs could sound really farout man...60's psych.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashley1! Posted November 26, 2014 Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Nice Discussion,.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 26, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'm not sure broken dream is any less of an issue but here's my twist. In the land of promiseLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in a broken dream When the night comesHe is at home aloneLike you...and meAll living in a broken dream Surly he knowsReality showsThe face in the mirrorIs afraid to be nearSomeone who can touch his highest highsThen his lowest lows Ahhh ah ahhh In the land of promiseLives a manThat looks a lot like you... and meAll living in the in-betweenAll living in the sight-unseenAll living just a mile downstreamJust out of step with the color scheme... All living in a broken dream Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Lee, IDK...the fantasy idea is completely gone then, though the idea you present would work, the ahhhs kind of lose the fantasy feel. Question, there seems an aversion to the word fantasy, understandable I guess, but I can't remember any overuse of the word in recent memory...Traffic, Dear Mr. Fantasy over 40 years ago is all I recall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted November 26, 2014 Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 I don't have a problem with fantasy but since you asked about fantasy over use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 26, 2014 Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Over 200 pages for your viewing pleasure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 26, 2014 Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 I have a weakness for that Aldo Novo song - one of my earliest music video memories, MTV played that nonstop. I have a song in progress that totally rips that off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Foose1...good examples. Hey, I stand corrected but still those examples are over 30 years ago. I know its no big deal to me or anyone really, just a song with fantasy in it. I like that so many of you gave my idea a look...Thanks....Now I will try to re-record it with Sticks idea of make believe.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 26, 2014 Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Foose1...good examples. Hey, I stand corrected but still those examples are over 30 years ago. I know its no big deal to me or anyone really, just a song with fantasy in it. I like that so many of you gave my idea a look...Thanks....Now I will try to re-record it with Sticks idea of make believe.... Hey tbry - it's totally you're prerogative to tell us all to take a hike and stick with your "double fantasy" concept. Your job now is to filter all the commentary, which taken collectively is often contradictory and thus impossible to execute. Good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 26, 2014 Hey tbry - it's totally you're prerogative to tell us all to take a hike and stick with your "double fantasy" concept. Your job now is to filter all the commentary, which taken collectively is often contradictory and thus impossible to execute. Good stuff. I would never do that...although I enjoy hiking, so we could all get together and take a hike...that would be cool. I looked up songs with Fantasy in it and everyone is correct...(forgot about Double Fantasy)...there are a bunch....I am in good company! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 26, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 26, 2014 I would never do that...although I enjoy hiking, so we could all get together and take a hike...that would be cool. I looked up songs with Fantasy in it and everyone is correct...(forgot about Double Fantasy)...there are a bunch....I am in good company! Of course you're in good company! If you feel strongly about the fantasy concept, by all means do it. I think everyone agrees with that. Personally, I don't see enough of a slant on this to make it new or unique though. That's not to say I know what I'm talking about either. So all I can do or anyone else for that matter, is to give their personal instincts a voice. So, if you are really tied to the concept of the fantasy and maybe flesh that out a bit more to give it an angle. To give it some meat. What is the fantasy you were talking about? Maybe going to that a bit. Or not. For sure, it is all up to you. No one hears disagreeing with that for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted November 27, 2014 Members Share Posted November 27, 2014 Hi, tbry. I like the song's simplicity, and the overall theme. Easy to relate to. I hope it's OK to add a couple of thoughts. There are a few options, but one might be to set the lyric up in a standard AABA format, with section 3 as the bridge, with the refrain in line 4 of each verse. Maybe also consider changing line 3 in V3 so that the story is pulled ahead a step further (V1, looking like; V2, marking time; V3, almost gone). (The changes below are rough examples just to illustrate what I mean.) Re V3, if you opt for the standard AABA format, you might want to change lines 1 & 2 to something new. (Rough example shown.) Would you consider 'dwells' in line 2, V1? It avoids the near repetition in line 4 ('living'), and also has a linguistic nuance that resonates with the fairy-tale notion of make-believe. I hope the above is useful in some way. Keep or sweep. Donna Living in a Fantasy V1 In a land of make-believe Dwells a man That looks a lot like you... and me All living in a fantasy V2 When the night comes, he'll be found Home alone Just marking time, like you...and me All living in a fantasy Bridge Surely he knows Reality shows The face in the mirror Is afraid to be near Anyone that tries to touch his soul Ahhh ah ahhh V3 Waiting for his ship of dreams Long unsailed He's almost gone, like you... and me All living in a fantasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 27, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 27, 2014 ^^^ that does add the context. Just the un sailed ship image or something else, gives a little more info to invest attention, I think your input is on the right track Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 27, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 27, 2014 Sorry, Donna! Not Mary... Donna. I blame my mobile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 27, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 27, 2014 Thanks Donna, good ideas... Lee, has a new title for a song.... I couldn't fix a thingThings got a little scaryKept waiting for my trainOn the right track Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 27, 2014 Members Share Posted November 27, 2014 Lots of good input - this is developing nicely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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