Members bee3 Posted November 11, 2014 Members Share Posted November 11, 2014 Bored at work. Anything here? I stood atop the hillsideSaid quietly to the moonPlease bring me my sunriseI’m free until noon My hands smell like garlicFrom the night beforeJust a lonely kitchen helperWhen I punch-in at the door But out here for six hoursI’m free like a birdI can sing any ol’ sweet songThat may never be heard Don’t you worry about meI’m my own familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadEven the lonely can live happily I don’t dig technologyWell… wireless headphones are coolBecause I can listen untetheredAnd twirl like a fool I’ll take a mid-summer morningAlone in the hillsSinging softly to no oneOver nights out and thrills While the afternoon lingersAnd the sun burns up the skyThis lonely kitchen helperPunches in with a sigh I can get through the eveningWith an eye towards the mornI’m preparing my setlistWhile shucking the corn Don’t you worry about meI’m my own familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadEven the lonely can live happily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 11, 2014 Members Share Posted November 11, 2014 Great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted November 11, 2014 Members Share Posted November 11, 2014 I hear Loudon Wainwright III singing this. Actually, you sing so bloody well, I hear you singing this borrowing a bit of Wainwright's style rather. It'll have to have a killer melody that communicates the magic the lonely yet happy singer feels. Something a bit like Fool On The Hill, but more lilting, more dancearoundable, like Mr Bojangles. Something about "even the lonely can be happy" strikes me as the right message but stated too literally, it flatly states "and the moral of the story is.....". Something like "see the happy, happy, lonely man" or somesuch. Less direct, more visual, let people draw the conclusion themselves. Very nice idea. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 11, 2014 Members Share Posted November 11, 2014 This is a good start - so goferit.I'd drop the technology verse - it feels out of place to me - the song stands alone with the narrator telling us about life in the kitchen and life singing songs.I also agree with Nat about the tagline being an observation rather than a statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Got it. Drop the technology verse which felt kind of weird to me anyway. Change the last line of the chorus. Now I need to come up with a tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 12, 2014 Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Very cool. Isn't there a real name for the lowest guy in the kitchen, not helper? Runner, grunt, something like that (it's in Kitchen Confidential I think, maybe not). I think it would be cool to use more restaurant jargon, would be fun to mix up the vocabulary. This is all flights of fancy, all you in your head - I think you need more reality to set it off for contrast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 12, 2014 Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Very cool. Isn't there a real name for the lowest guy in the kitchen' date=' not helper? Runner, grunt, something like that (it's in Kitchen Confidential I think, maybe not). I think it would be cool to use more restaurant jargon, would be fun to mix up the vocabulary. This is all flights of fancy, all you in your head - I think you need more reality to set it off for contrast.[/quote'] Just a lonely kitchen PORTER When I punch-in at the door At least here in the UK anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 12, 2014 Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Executive Chef - This is the head chef. He is the guy (or girl) who creates the specials, orders the foods, and works as the general manager of the kitchen. He probably does the scheduling, the hiring and the firing of kitchen staff, as well. This position is normally filled by someone with several years cooking experience and restaurant management experience.Sous Chef- The executive chef’s assistant, and next in charge, is a sous chef. It is the job of the sous chef to pick up the slack when the executive chef has a day off or is on vacation. They may need to fill in on the line, or work a particular station on busy nights. Many smaller restaurant don’t keep a sous chef on staff.Expeditor- This is a non-cooking role on the kitchen line. An expediter is the person in charge of organizing orders by table, and garnishing the dishes before the server takes them out to the dining room. An expeditor is only needed when it is really busy. The person who acts as an expeditor should be very familiar with the menu, and know what the dishes should look like before being served to guests.Line Cook- The most common title in the kitchen is that of line cook. Depending on your kitchen set up and your menu, you may have two or thee line cooks or as many as seven or eight, or more. A line cook simply refers to a cook who is charge of a particular station in the kitchen. For example, a line cook can include the following titles: Sauté Chef- This person is in charge of anything cooked in a sauté pan. Usually it is the best cook on staff, behind the executive chef and sous chef.• Grill Cook- This person takes care of all of the items on the char-grill or flattop grill, such as meats, chicken and fish. • Fry Cook- This entry level position into the kitchen is in charge of anything that needs to be deep fried. French fries, chicken fingers, onion rings, all fall to this individual.Bigger restaurants or those with a very specialized menu may employ these types of chefs as well:• Dessert Chef- The person who is charge of desserts. Many restaurants have servers prepare their own desserts. However, in more upscale or specialty eateries, a dessert chef prepares a bulk of the desserts as they are ordered.• Pastry Chef- This individual is in charge of making all the baked goods, such as breads and desserts. If you are thinking about a restaurant with a bakery, then you may employ a pastry chef. • Salad Chef- If a restaurant goes through a lot of salads, or other cold menu items, they may keep a salad chef on hand. • Caller- Another non-cooking position. The caller calls the incoming orders to the cooks. He (or she) tells the rest of the kitchen staff what they should be working on. Often times the executive chef will act as caller during the dinner rush. A caller needs to be quick witted and organized. They should know exactly how long menu items take to cook (a well-done prime rib takes much longer than a piece of grilled rare tuna steak) so that meals for a certain table all come out at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 I imagine in a big restaurant, then yes... there must be some official name for the kitchen help. But this guy... I don't get the sense that he's working somewhere prestigious. He's just a helper in making less than minimum wage somewhere up in the hills. But Kitchen Porter would probably sing well... maybe I'll give that a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 OK... some refinements below. This is going in a country-ish direction... maybe acoustic guitar, piano, and upright bass. I stood atop the hillsideSaid quietly to the moonPlease bring me my sunriseI’m free until noon My hands smell like garlicFrom the night beforeJust a lonely kitchen porterWhen I punch-in at the door But out here for six hoursI’m free like a birdI can sing any ol’ sweet songThough it might not be heard Don’t you worry about meI’m my own familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadWhen lonely is my company I’ll take mid-summer morningAlone in the hillsSinging softly to no oneOver nights out and cheap thrills While the sun lingersAnd it burns afternoon skiesThis lonely kitchen porterPunches in with a sigh I can get through the eveningWith an eye towards the mornPreparing tomorrow's setlistWhile shucking my corn Don’t you worry about meI’m my own familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadWhen lonely is my company I stood atop the hillsideSaid quietly to the moonThank you for my sunriseAnd listening to my tune Rough demo to come... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Rough phone demo [video=youtube;0OM5Q-nxJxQ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 12, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 12, 2014 Great ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 OK... first real pass. I was thwarted by my daughter being home... so I couldn't record piano. Opted for mandolin instead... I like the idea of the mandolin doing a solo... but I can't hack it... so does anyone play mandolin? http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12967593 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 12, 2014 Members Share Posted November 12, 2014 Classic country - you carry it off well.My only suggestion is to try it 3 or 4 bpm faster. It may or may not be right, but worth a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Great. I liked the demo but all the additions are welcome. Love the mandolin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Wow, this board is so cool - that music was *not* what I was expecting at all. Nice work, so mellow rootsy. Love it. If I was picky I'd say there are a couple of lines that could be tweaked to sing better, but great stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Oh yeah, really nice tune that all hangs together and communicates - good changes you've worked in. I think it could take a high, light B3 part in the background to soften the strumming and lend some lonesome atmosphere. Surely the kind of thing you could do on reflex. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Wow this has come together fast! I'd maybe try it a semi tone or two higher.... its kinda fine here but you low notes feel a little too low and you are so GOOD at those high notes.... maybe a touch faster as suggested. Im loving the mandolin. Some thoughts/ideas. I stood atop the hillsideSinging to the moonPlease bring me my sunriseI’m free until noon My hands are worn and beatenMy feet are tired and soreIm a lonely kitchen porterWhen I punch in at the door But out here for six hoursI’m free AS a birdI can sing any ol’ sweet songThough it might not be heard Don’t you worry about meI’m my own family (this sings like AND MY OLD FAMILY)I’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadWhen lonely is my company Alt idea. Don’t you worry about meI don't need no familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadYes music.....is my company I’ll take mid-summer morningAlone in the hillsSinging softly to no oneOver nights out and cheap thrills (feels rushed again maybe "parties and cheap thrills) While the sun lingersAnd it burns afternoon skiesThis lonely kitchen porterPunches in with a sigh I can get through the eveningWith an eye towards the mornPreparing tomorrow's setlistWhile shucking my corn Don’t you worry about meI’m my own familyI’ve got songs in my headThat I’ll sing ‘til I’m deadWhen lonely is my company I stood atop the hillsideSaid quietly to the moonThank you for my sunriseAnd listening to my tune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Great feedback... Stick, I'll definitely take some of those suggestions. I'm thinking of keeping the garlic line though because it offers some real imagery... Regarding the suggestions to try it a few BPM faster... and maybe in a higher key... I have to ask, is it really too low for my voice? I wrote it in C and actually capo'ed it up to D because of that. I know I can sing it higher, but was kind of going for something different for my voice. I find that most of my songs rely on high singing... and I wanted to try and do something in a lower register. And, well, I'd have to re-do everything and I'm generally a lazy person. I'll definitely take a pass in the key of E and a few BPM faster to see how it feels... but before I go full re-do, want to make sure that you all feel it is slam-dunk warranted. I also think if I move it up to E I won't be able to do the mandolin part over because it relies on open string hammer-ons... Probably a moot point because I'd really like to get someone who can really play do that part anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Great feedback... Stick, I'll definitely take some of those suggestions. I'm thinking of keeping the garlic line though because it offers some real imagery... Regarding the suggestions to try it a few BPM faster... and maybe in a higher key... I have to ask, is it really too low for my voice? I wrote it in C and actually capo'ed it up to D because of that. I know I can sing it higher, but was kind of going for something different for my voice. I find that most of my songs rely on high singing... and I wanted to try and do something in a lower register. And, well, I'd have to re-do everything and I'm generally a lazy person. I'll definitely take a pass in the key of E and a few BPM faster to see how it feels... but before I go full re-do, want to make sure that you all feel it is slam-dunk warranted. I also think if I move it up to E I won't be able to do the mandolin part over because it relies on open string hammer-ons... Probably a moot point because I'd really like to get someone who can really play do that part anyway. I know the "garlic" is imagery but for some reason it just felt out of place....like TOO specific when nothing else is. You are singing just fine in this key... just a few notes that seem a little too low but go with your gut. Instead of re-recording maybe just play it in a different key yourself (or do a live vid of the first 30 secs) see how it sounds/feels. Really you could still play the mando in the same key and just pitch it up an octave (although this MIGHT add some undesired artifacts) Also you COULD capo it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Yes, that's my plan tonight... to do a quick run-through in a different key and post it up here. I'll also play to a click a few BPM faster. Can you capo a mandolin? The action is so tight already... I wonder if the capo will press down on the strings hard enough. (By the way, my finger tips are ready to fall off they are so sore from playing that thing yesterday.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 I know the "garlic" is imagery but for some reason it just felt out of place....like TOO specific when nothing else is. That's actually my favorite line in the song - but I always go for the too specific. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Yes, that's my plan tonight... to do a quick run-through in a different key and post it up here. I'll also play to a click a few BPM faster. Can you capo a mandolin? The action is so tight already... I wonder if the capo will press down on the strings hard enough. (By the way, my finger tips are ready to fall off they are so sore from playing that thing yesterday.) Only one way to find out ha! Ive capoed a banjo and its been fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted November 13, 2014 Members Share Posted November 13, 2014 Colin Farrell called - he wants his eyebrows back. Just thought I'd let you know. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 14, 2014 Hi - a very quick pass one step higher (key of E) and 3 BPM faster. Would appreciate quick feedback as I have the morning free and then I'm away all weekend. I'm somewhat motivated right now, so would be good to know if it is worth it to re-do everything from scratch or if the current key and tempo is ok. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12969000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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