Members mbfrancis Posted October 30, 2014 Members Share Posted October 30, 2014 Here’s an old song that I dusted off for the boy/girl pop project and I think it works really well musically. I’m still tweaking the arrangement, and will add real drums and some more parts and true gang vocals at the end, but this is a good representation. So...I like it a lot, but the lyric is pretty quirky, and will have limited appeal...I wonder if the melody deserves something more universal. Or should I just bank it and move on? (Or something in between, minor tweaks...any lines just rub you wrong?) Thanks! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12956146 “Girl from Galway” A night’s bar crawl awayon an Irish pub floor I'll layGirl from Galway cameon a tourist visaand decided to stay.She was new so fresh so foreignand me, so tired, right-wing, and boringWith her I found myself ignoringmy self-control. Now ‘Guinness is Good for You’posters litter the walls of our 'loo'Girl from Galway cameto know me betterthat I could ever do.Six months in – ‘I'm not sure I'm staying,’she says, but now I find myself sayingnew words, like ‘naff’ and ‘craic’ and ‘wanker.’Why I never took the time to thank herI'll never knowI'll never know. But I could turn you inso easily and nobody would know.And you could never come back,it would be so easy.Not so easy is forgetting youor letting you go. I told her love was flawedand how we could haveshared a Catholic god.But Girl from Galway came and wentFaster than my junior year abroad.Six months on I don't feel much betterThough somewhat sobered up and whetherShe moves back home or across the streetShe still moving on, moving on away from me A night’s bar crawl awayon an Irish pub floor I'll layGirl from Galway cameon a tourist visaand decided to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 30, 2014 Members Share Posted October 30, 2014 Yeh - I like it - a nice little narrative that is easy to relate to. You ask whether there are any lines that rub the wrong way: new words, like ‘naff’ and ‘craic’ and ‘wanker.’'craic' is as Irish as leprechauns, but 'naff' and 'wanker' are both very Brit. They could well have had their origins in England so they don't sound right here. 'Naff' is also used by the upper classes. I can hear Princess Anne using it. You have great prosody in all your songs, so when it's off, it jumps out at you.on a tourist visaYou may need to change the line or maybe you can keep it and sing it with different emphasis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 30, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thanks, OGP!! Yeah, I realize the second two are Brit, but they *are* used by Irish people (or were) and to an insular American the source is unimportant, they're just new. (My wife used to say naff, although her father was from Liverpool.) Happy to use any replacements, just couldn't think of any. Disagree on scansion, though: both TOURist VIsa scan. Or am I missing something? (You could argue that for an American 'visa' should have an ess sound - not a zee - but it sings better/smoother.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 31, 2014 Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 I listened again and you are right with regard to the scansion.What I'm hearing are 3 x 2 syllable words that suddenly feel different from the preceding and following lines.onna tourist visa Maybe it would work if you sang them Onnnn a tourist visa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 31, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2014 I like this. It seems like you could do something a bit quirky here with the main acoustic guitar part motif though. I like what you have but you are a quirky guy and I'd embrace that a bit. For instance... Instead of the standard diatonic descending bass note run you have which is fine, why not do something a bit off-the-wall? |: C, Bb, C... C C# C Bb:| or not... But it does seem like you could do something a bit different here to spice up the whole feel of the track. Maybe not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 @OGP do you mean if I just enunciate better, or hold 'on' a little longer? @Lee yeah it's very same-y although I could barely play that part, ha. It's definitely not done and it definitley needs some weirdness. I have some simple string parts in mind, like a quartet. But some weirdness would be good. Stay tuned, but please keep sending ideas, this is all very much your area. Honestly the more I listen the more I feel the whole lyric weirdness sells the song short, dunno. (I just don't want to get in the habit of unearthing everything.) Thanks both! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 31, 2014 Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 @OGP do you mean hold 'on' a little longer? Yes - avoid 'onna' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 31, 2014 Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 I like Lee's idea of some quirky, off-the-wall playing - reminded me of an old Australian group in the 60's - a hit for them with some unexpected riffing. [video=youtube;NSowZcvoqr4] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yeah, that's quirky and very cool. How about quirky atonal stuff over a solid bed like this: [video=youtube;kJ6v4xQh5Qo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ6v4xQh5Qo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 31, 2014 Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 I have difficulties with the atonal stuff - but not surprising - I'm a self-confessed structure-junkie in some things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 31, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yeah... For me, structure really seems to fit here. Take where you feel, that's always best. But to my ears for better or worse, a simple, slightly askew but appealing riff is in order. Maybe. or not. I suppose. Perhaps... To allude to the unique encounter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yeah... For me' date=' structure really seems to fit here. Take where you feel, that's always best. But to my ears for better or worse, a simple, slightly askew but appealing riff is in order. Maybe. or not. I suppose. Perhaps... To allude to the unique encounter[/quote'] I'll either do that or add the quirk in other stuff...stay tuned. Thanks for feedback. Lee any big thoughts on lyrics...worth tweaking or leave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 1, 2014 Members Share Posted November 1, 2014 It's fabulous. I wouldn't change a thing lyrically or musically. It's a wonderful, wonderful song!! I love the way you sort of float those inserted lines and rhymes in and out of the rhythm of the tune, like this: I told her love was flawedand how we could haveshared a Catholic god.But Girl from Galway came and wentFaster than my junior year abroad. Fantastic work! This is one of the best song's you've posted so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted November 1, 2014 Members Share Posted November 1, 2014 Nice, though I don't know the Brit terms, the way they are presented fit for a gal from Galway. Nice playing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted November 1, 2014 Members Share Posted November 1, 2014 Excellent. I love the way you make the lyrics flow... not just on this song, but all of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 1, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 1, 2014 I'll either do that or add the quirk in other stuff...stay tuned. Thanks for feedback. Lee any big thoughts on lyrics...worth tweaking or leave? The lyrics are fabulous! I could nitpick with the Brit expressions. Personally I'm not really fond of their usage but that is a purely personal taste issue. Actually... Let me try to explain that. Your voice by your own admission has a brit pop sound to it. You don't particularly sound like the American character you're portraying in the song. So the wit and nuance of their usage is nullified by the confusion of your innate accent. I totally dig your vocal delivery and there's no reason to change that one iota. But because of it, what works on paper and works in delivery, aren't quite the same thing. This is a purely personal perspective however. Take that with a grain of salt. However, if I were your producer I would be sitting down with you and making this very point. Perhaps you could go with an overtly American vocal sound, probably not a great idea, or just try to curb some of those mannerisms from that particular genre and continent. Finally I'll add, if what I said above has any resonance for you you might toy with the idea of using those references in a different way. You are a bright, literate, witty guy/writer. I do think there is something in you somewhere that could put a cool twist on those expressions. But more importantly, I don't see anyone else here being bothered by that. And that may very well be the truth of it. I don't like getting people off track from their initial spark. And that does feel like an initial spark of creativity from you. Perhaps, as Lee suggests, the best thing to do is not touch a word. It really is phenomenal writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 1, 2014 Author Members Share Posted November 1, 2014 Thanks, all, much appreciated. My gut is to not change anything, although the vocal certainly could be better (a lot of pitch clean up here). LeeK, can you play if for your wife? When you say "I'm not fond of their usage," do you mean you don't like those words in the song or you don't think those are attractive words in general usage? On delivery, I hear what you're saying - what's funny is I actually *tried* to make the delivery American. It's *supposed* to be about the typical insular American meeting a European for the first time, so if the delivery fights that I should take another stab. (Also want to another try with the AT4050 at lower gain.) Happy to hear I am on the right track here, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 1, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 1, 2014 Great idea playing it for my wife. I'll do that and get her input. And by the way I could really tell you were doing an American you. And I think that helps a lot maybe you can just take what you were doing a bit further so your point gets driven home a little clearer. And no I didn't mean that the words bother me per se. Really it was just hearing in English accent was blurring your intent. That's all I meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted November 2, 2014 Members Share Posted November 2, 2014 I like this tune a whole lot. Vocals sounded fine to me, but then I am an unabashed fan of leaving the character in. The hand claps caught my ear in a bothersome way. love the "Ba ba dah's" *wave* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 6, 2015 OK this is getting close to done I think. I sent this out for drums, still not sure of the arrangement. Added electric, piano, (fake) B3, harmonium, gang vocals. Feels messy as hell. Let me know what you guys think. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13161580 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 I really love the verse and chorus music and presentation - melody, mixing, vocals. the bridge.. not as much. It doesn't quite fit - kinda fish out of water. Just so much intensity going on during the bridge. The fore and aft are so melodic and beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 14, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah, I tend to get bored by the bridge and want to change things up. That and the bridge is usually a chance to break down the fourth wall, or look at things from a different perspective, means I usually go to far... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 5, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 5, 2015 OK I think this done, let me know what you guys think. Added some guitar, all real piano. Hard to mix (for me): http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13246790 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 5, 2015 Members Share Posted November 5, 2015 OK I think this done, let me know what you guys think. Added some guitar, all real piano. Hard to mix (for me): http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13246790 I love it! Especially the Dylan-esque piano and organ and the Beatles-ish guitars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 7, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 I love it! Especially the Dylan-esque piano and organ and the Beatles-ish guitars. Sweet, thanks! - I think final mix: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13248068 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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