Members stickboymusic Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thanks for the comments on the other song.... I will be looking into that at the weekend. Here is another one I quickly started last night. I have plenty of ideas for production so not really after comments on that....this is super rough with basic piano and a drum loop. The lyrics on the demo were kind of made up as I went along but I have some more updated lyrics below. Just got to write a bridge and possibly something a little more chorus like even though it sort of has one (the bridge may sort this) What are your thoughts? http://picosong.com/fjyv/ Never againNever again will this foolish heartEver be broke….in twoNever againNever again will this foolish heartEver be broke….by you You tell me that the endings never changeYou tell me that the endings stay the sameI should know betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Never againNever again will this beaten/battered heartEver be black…and blueNever againNever again will this beaten/battered heartEver be bruised….by you You tell me that the endings never changeYou tell me that the endings stay the sameI should know betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 Good stuff, as usual. Lyrically this is very symmetrical with a great natural flow to all the words. Only spot I think might need a second look is 'You tell me that the endings stay the same." It sounds good in context, but the 'change/the same' rhyme is predictable and it's just repeating the same thing... which I guess could be some kind of meta joke, but if it is it went over my head on first read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 22, 2014 Yeah, cool. So... he's saying he'll never be hurt in love again. I love the idea. Very universal for sure. Maybe it's just me but when you then bring it to a single girl, and of course it really needs to, but when you do it feels just a tad premature. Maybe if you put it off just a couple beats to transition to her... I'm never gonna listen to that song, againI'm never gonna trust in the moon and stars, but thenI should know betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 22, 2014 Yeah, cool. So... he's saying he'll never be hurt in love again. I love the idea. Very universal for sure. Maybe it's just me but when you then bring it to a single girl, and of course it really needs to, but when you do it feels just a tad premature. Maybe if you put it off just a couple beats to transition to her... I'm never gonna listen to that song, again I'm never gonna trust in the moon and stars, but then I should know better I don’t know why I let ya break my heart But I did So you did And... But I did So you did That's ^^^ great. It doesn't quite spell out what you're doing and where those bits of dialog fit in with quite the punch it might. It's clear to me you're answering the phrase, I don’t know why I let ya break my heart I think it would be cool to highlight that connection with the above sentence. Some sort of slap upside the head arrangement trick or melodic rhythm that snaps in answer th the sentence. To feed the listener some underlying structure that may not be quite as apparent and fun as it really is. Connecting the dots and leading the listener by the hand just a little more might really work here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 How about You told me that you'd always be with meYou told me all the secrets that you keepI should've known betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 Yep, you might flip the first two lines so the 'should've known better' comes after 'you'd always be with me.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 And for chorus 2 You told me that we'd never be apartYou told me I'm your "candle in the dark"I should've known betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Its a little twee but something a soppy loved one might say? Or is it a bit crap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 I wouldn't be bashful about going full twee. You can pull it off better than most folks I know. In fact, I didn't even know what that word was until I saw you say something about it! That being said, I'm not a big fan of 'candle in the dark.' FWIW, I really liked 'You tell me the endings never change' as a start for a chorus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 22, 2014 I wouldn't be bashful about going full twee. You can pull it off better than most folks I know. In fact, I didn't even know what that word was until I saw you say something about it! That being said, I'm not a big fan of 'candle in the dark.' FWIW, I really liked 'You tell me the endings never change' as a start for a chorus. ^^^ I like the one just prior to the candle version. nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 OK for chorus 2 seeing as I have given the twist away in chorus 1 You told me that the endings never change I guess I'm just the loser in this game Does that work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 quite well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 You tell me that the endings never changeYou tell me that the stories stay the sameI should know betterI don’t know why I let ya break my heartBut I didSo you did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 22, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 Do you know I did toy with that as well Maybe I should go with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 23, 2014 Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 And for chorus 2 You told me that we'd never be apart You told me I'm your "candle in the dark" I should've known better I don’t know why I let ya break my heart But I did So you did Its a little twee but something a soppy loved one might say? Or is it a bit crap? I love that - I don't think 'candle in the dark' is twee because she's saying it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members greennn01 Posted October 23, 2014 Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 I enjoy your link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 Ok so I have finished up the lyric and tracked the basic parts. Im actually quite excited about this one so far. Got quite a few more ideas musically to REALLY drive the song but see how the structure is working for you guys Any REALLY bad lyrics.... of course I will change but it always a little bit of a pain once im happy with a vocal take (especially when it has many harmonies!) NEVER AGAIN http://picosong.com/fmwK/ Never again, never again will this foolish heartEver be broke in twoNever again, never again will this foolish heartEver be broke by you You told me all the secrets that you keep (oh oh)And told me that you'd always be with me (oh oh)You should know better, you should know better than to break my heartBut you don't.... so you did. Never again, never again will this beaten heartEver be black and blueNever again, never again will this beaten heartEver be bruised by you You told me that we'd never be apart (oh oh)You told me I'm your candle in the dark (not so!)I should've known better, I don't know why I let ya break my heartBut i did....so you did You told me that the stories never change (oh oh)You told me that the endings are all the sameI should've known better, once again I let her break my heartYeh I did...Yeh I did. (Refrain) Well I think I'll join a monastery....so love can't get a hold of me no more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted October 23, 2014 Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 of course I will change but it always a little bit of a pain once im happy with a vocal take (especially when it has many harmonies!) . Apologize... haven't had a chance to look or listen yet. But this is ALWAYS the case with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted October 23, 2014 Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 Just listened. It's great... movie soundtrack material right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dendy Jarrett Posted October 23, 2014 Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 Dude this is a great song! Please share it with out thread here: http://www.harmonycentral.com/forum/forum/LivePerformanceCategory/acapella-54/31162277-harmony-central-wants-to-hear-your-music?src=3BNM4KHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 23, 2014 I'll just get it finished first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 24, 2014 Moderators Share Posted October 24, 2014 Fantastic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 24, 2014 Well "hopefully" it's finished!?!? https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/never-again-a-new-song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted October 24, 2014 Members Share Posted October 24, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted October 24, 2014 Members Share Posted October 24, 2014 Really great sound ...I can only say there one bitty little part I don't like that doesn't appear to fit...that little beat/clap part in the first minute. Its hard to crit any of it though because its so good...love the horns at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 24, 2014 You reckon lose the hand claps? I quite like them but willing to lose if others agree Also my friend reckons it's a bit lacking in the top end Sounds ok to me but I've heard it a million times now Maybe just turn the claps down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.