Members kevysc Posted October 21, 2014 Members Share Posted October 21, 2014 There's a short story called "Up The Bare Stairs" by an Irish writer called Frank O'Connor, which is about a guy from a poor background who struggles "up the bare stairs" to become very successful and who is now looking back at his life wondering if it was all worthwhile. This was sort of inspired by that story. (I've treated the vocals to try create a sound that is "futuristic nostalgia.) Would love feedback .... http://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/20838994-never-had-much Never Had Much With hope in your heartLooked long in the distanceYou never had much to sayYou never had muchYou never had much So sure of yourselfSo sure of the pathwayYou never put much at riskYou never had muchYou never had much Chorus: So tell me nowDid you have it all your own way?Tell me nowDid you ever make a choice? You made it throughTraveled long distanceYou never had any complaintsYou never had muchYou never had much So sure of yourselfYou stuck to the High RoadYou never put much at riskYou never did muchYou never did much Chorus Did all your dreams come through?Did everything you wanted happenDid all your dreams come through?And did you have enough? Look into your heartLook back through the distanceDo you have anything to say?You never said muchYou never said much So sure of yourselfSo sure of the right wayYou never put much at riskYou never had much You never had much Chorus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted October 21, 2014 Members Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hey there... don't think I've seen you around the forum before. Welcome! What you have here is a great start... cool vibe musically. The Andrew Eldritch type of singing is cool. I have a few concerns though: The percussion is cool, but overly repetitive. You could really stand to make the song go somewhere... and switching up the percussion somehow may help. Maybe try dropping the percussion and some instrumentation on some of your "You never had much" lines... experiment with some cool reverbs/delays on the vocal.Lyrically, I'm not sure you're saying much (no pun intended). I get what you're going for... just looking for something to really command my attention. Maybe some well-placed imagery without resorting to cliches like 'dreams' or 'back through the distance'I think you could cut out the last two verses entirely and go from the bridge back into the chorus. Really nice start... and I hope you stick around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kevysc Posted October 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 21, 2014 Very constructive feedback, many thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 21, 2014 Members Share Posted October 21, 2014 Yeah, welcome to the board! My feedback is similar - a lot of good stuff here, love the vibe. For me there wasn't enough to distinguish one section from another, so it all ran together and got a bit boring ultimately. Some of this is the repetitive drums, some of it the arrangement (no real big changes between sections), some of it melody and lyrics. I agree that the 'chorus' doesn't feel like a chorus - needs more memorable lyrics and maybe a hookier melody, dunno. Hope this helps - thanks for posting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted October 22, 2014 Members Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hey there... don't think I've seen you around the forum before. Welcome! What you have here is a great start... cool vibe musically. The Andrew Eldritch type of singing is cool. I have a few concerns though: [*]The percussion is cool, but overly repetitive. You could really stand to make the song go somewhere... and switching up the percussion somehow may help. +1. Dig the "futuristic nostalgia" vocals and the piano/guitar/strings arrangement. The percussion needs some variation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted October 26, 2014 Members Share Posted October 26, 2014 To start off I will say this is really good...you have very good skills...now for the crit....the chorus let it down a bit...the words are fine but when there is a pause after the 3rd line it flattens out instead of soaring....it needs energy right at that moment so we can sing along with you. Good vocal by the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 27, 2014 Members Share Posted October 27, 2014 Nice song, nice vocal. I agree with most of the suggestions. I do like the chorus, though, except for the last line. The lead in has a nice emotional build, then it falls flat, musically, on the last line. Is the drum part a loop? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members arteg Posted October 29, 2014 Members Share Posted October 29, 2014 I like your song and your singing and I like lyrics, too. It reminds me of something from David Bowie's songs. But the dynamic range would be different for verse and chorus. (Maybe 1st verse would be without that strings, only acoustic guitar and percussion, for example) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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