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Do What You Like (Updated post 25)


bee3

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This is one I wrote a few years ago, but never properly recorded. Today, on a whim, I decided to put it down. Thoughts?

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12915281

 

Do what you'd like

It's all right

I don't mind not knowing where I'm going

 

A perfect life

Is what you'd like

I don't see a reason for not leaving

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather wistfully

As long as I can spend my time with someone who'll see things through

 

I'll change my name

If that's your game

You'd settle for my simple conversation

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather peacefully

We'll spend our time in paradise, umbrella drinks and glassy eyes

Hoping for the sunny skies but patchy clouds are ok too

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It's lovely. The only potential issue I have is that:

 

I don't mind not knowin'... where I'm going

 

The melody is extremely familiar. Like it comes from an iconic song that I should recognize immediately (but am drawing a blank on for some reason).

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I like it. It does sound "familiar" but I don't think it's a rip off of anything specific.

 

I love the instrumental break! It's fantastic!

 

Lyrically it could use a little more variation, I think, though I love the last chorus.

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Musically its perfect - love when you put flute in your songs and yeh the flute break is awesome

 

The ending threw me a bit - its just seems to end.... I guess it would work on an album if it banged straight into another track but in isolation it felt a little too quick to end.

 

I also felt like it needed a rhyme on the end of V2

 

Do what you'd like

It's all right

I don't mind not knowing where I'm going

 

A perfect life

Is what you'd like

I don't see a reason for not leaving

 

Either rhyming with "going" from V1 OR a sentence rhyme like the V1 knowing/going ..... i know you have a semi rhyme there already but the one in V1 is a perfect rhyme - it's probably fine how it is.

 

I think you could possibly think of something stronger on these lines

 

We'll spend our time in paradise, umbrella drinks and glassy eyes

Hoping for the sunny skies but patchy clouds are ok too

 

Its the final line that I think could be stronger - especially as its repeated and forms the end of the song.

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Thanks for the feedback. I'll work on those lyrics... and I have an ending (I think) that will hopefully resolve the issue there. I'm not a fan of vs 3 either... I like the idea of wanting her to "settle for my simple conversation..." just need to finesse it better. Some ideas for vs 2:

 

A perfect life

Is what you'd like

I don't need perfection, just your affection

As long as we're together, the storm we'll weather

A different situation is your temptation

A different situation, a new sensation

Let me help discover your inner lover

A seed, it needs some sowing before its growing

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Changes in italics below? Thoughts?

 

Do what you'd like

It's all right

I don't mind not knowing where I'm going

 

A perfect life

Is what you'd like

Sometimes a seed needs sowing before growing

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather wistfully

As long as I can spend my time with someone who'll see things through

 

You had my heart

Right from the start

When you settled for my simple conversation

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather peacefully

We'll spend our time in paradise, umbrella drinks and glassy eyes

Hoping for the sunny skies but patchy clouds are ok too

 

Wake up, it's a dream

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I like the changes.

 

I'm not sure if I like "settled." For me that particular word has some other connotations. I guess you'll do. Sort of a meh alright kind of thing. Maybe that's what you want it to say, but the way I'm reading it, the narrator is saying simple conversation is enough.

 

 

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Whoops, didn't see your comment there LCK.

 

New version here with the above lyrics, minus the final line. I've decided to omit that in favor of an instrumental fadeout. Is it working?

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12918447

 

Do what you'd like

It's all right

I don't mind not knowing where I'm going

 

A perfect life

Is what you'd like

Sometimes a seed needs sowing before growing

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather wistfully

As long as I can spend my time with someone who'll see things through

 

You had my heart

Right from the start

When you settled for my simple conversation

 

I'll follow silently

If I've got someone watching over me

Rather peacefully

We'll spend our time in paradise, umbrella drinks and glassy eyes

Hoping for the sunny skies but patchy clouds are ok too

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