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10 Years Too Late [DONE!! Full Piano Demo #69]


mbfrancis

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EDIT#3 (9/23): Updated piano demo w female vocal here: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12923347

 

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EDIT: Sorry guys, apparently when you edit the post title on mobile IT DELETES THE ENTIRE POST.

 

Here's the original audio file: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12899491

 

Here;s the original lyric:

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

glad you grabbed the phone

glad you're doing fine

kids scream in stereo

from each end of the line

no, no reason - just thinking about times

mostly thinking 'bout when you were mine

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who am I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

I'm 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

 

 

Wow, it's a good thing very few internet users on are on mobile devices these days (or Chrome).

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The piano melody being what it is made it hard for me to get into it. That being said, thematically, lyrically, and melodically I think you have a great start of something. I like where it went musically on "line." If that's what you mean by weirdness, yes more of that please. "So I'm calling" with the stretched out calling felt weak. I don't know if that's something that could have more impact with the right type of production.

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Agree with Rhino on the cool little chord on 'line'... Honestly, I don't know if I'm hearing a melody rip-off... I'm sure if you told me what it is, I'd have an 'a-ha' moment, but other than a vague resemblance to some kind of Ben Folds Five thing... it didn't jump out at me.

 

Melodically, maybe on verse 2, you could take that last line "when you were mine" and walk up the scale... "when you were mineeeeeeee"... trail of reverb or delay into a really chill piano solo.

 

Oh, I love the "kids scream in stereo" line. That's great.

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The piano melody being what it is made it hard for me to get into it..

 

Oh' date=' I love the "kids scream in stereo" line. That's great.[/quote']

 

+2

 

I've tried to write this song a couple of times and it has never worked out - probably because writing the song was too obviously a way for me to explore unresolved issues - YMMV but ask yourself why you want to write this, and more importantly, why the singer would want to sing this. The mood of gauzy nostalgia is there for a reason.

 

A couple of other notes - I've had this conversation several times IRL, but never over the phone - Facebook seems to be the preferred vehicle for long gone exes to reach out and test the waters. And I think Lydia Loveless does a good a job with the booty call scenario from the woman's point of view:

 

[video=youtube;ssNTvgU0N3w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssNTvgU0N3w

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This is really nice! The melody works that lyric sentiment very, very well in my mind. What the hell is that piano melody?!?!? Satie? I'm drawing a blank yet it totally familiar. Satie??!?

 

Anyway, personally for me it works fine as a nod to a familiar tune like you're doing here. Not sure how the publisher would feel though... but I do like the way it works. OK, on to my input.

 

I think the verse works beautifully. I think the chorus... works beautifully. I think the transition between the two... could work much, much better with some small changes. The issue, or issues rather, 2 of them, for me are...

 

1. There is no room to breath after that;

 

Mostly thinking 'bout, when you were mine...

 

Where's the "moment"? I'm picturing that great old video of Whitney Houston. I Will Always Love You. Where the camera pans and it zooms and the snow and the fur and... and... and there's a slight hiccup and.... And I...ee...I! Will always... That’s a bit of overkill for your "moment". But right now you're missing the chance to actually have a moment. You breeze by it. I get the hipness of it. But it's missing a chance to let the audience feel her. And identify through remembering a similar moment of their own.

______________

 

2. The chorus' first line is where you can benefit from some of that "weird melody" as you say.

On "calling", the first note you hit is the minor 3rd on the relative minor chord. That's a great opportunity to do the Beatles’ trick of not hitting a chord tone on the 1. Delaying that slightly. Hit the 2nd on the 1. How about making the syllable "Ca-" 2 notes? The first being a half step lower. So I'm Ca-(2nd (1,2...)) -aal-(minor 3rd (3)) ...ling (1,2,3)

 

Those 2 little tweaks would be one way to bring a little moment to that transition. Without making your audience feel her, you just relaying facts. But twisting and enhancing the meaning of those words with cinematic-like tricks, it can really highlight what it is your character is FEELING.

 

Or not

 

 

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Wow, thanks for all great feedback. Dashing this off at work.

The piano melody being what it is made it hard for me to get into it.

 

Yeah, I remembered that piece a little differently - it's way too close, you're right. I forgot the chords were the same at the start. That's ok, easy to tweak.

 

Seems like the consensus is:

 

* Yes it could use a little more weirdness. (I really really struggled with the chords, trying to keep it indie and not turn into a Billy Joel song.)

* Chorus opening is weak: "cal-LING." Noted. Might be "so I called YOU." (Lee, like the idea of of some melodic flutter, although I'm about as anti-melisma as you can imagine.)

 

Ram, great points about how this would be conducted today - I had some ideas about how it escalated from FB to texting, and how even though nothing *wrong* happened, it wasn't right, etc., I just wanted this to be timeless and thought that kind of detail would be distracting. FWIW this isn't my story, so trying to keep it real....let me know if it feels fake.

 

Lee's specific, actionable input is always appreciated.

 

We have guests until Tuesday so not sure how much I can do before then, but this is all wonderful stuff - you guys rule. Stay tuned!

 

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The lyric and melody on "ten years too late to start in again..." is gold. Songwriting doesn't get much better than that.

 

You've disguised the Satie-ness of the chords later in the piece, so I would imagine it wouldn't be too hard to do some of that from the beginning.

 

In a way it also sounds a little Sondheim-ish, so beware of near rhymes!

 

Since you're still developing the lyric, I'd vote for remembered moments via clear pictures of things they did together, etc.

 

Anyway, it's a lovely start. Really nice work.

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Ram' date=' great points about how this would be conducted today - I had some ideas about how it escalated from FB to texting, and how even though nothing *wrong* happened, it wasn't right, etc., I just wanted this to be timeless and thought that kind of detail would be distracting. [/quote']

 

My take on that is that the use of a phone does kind of make the whole thing timeless. If you tried to write this in terms of FB or texting I don't think it would work as well.

 

I love the whole thing.

 

*wave*

 

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The lyric and melody on "ten years too late to start in again..." is gold. Songwriting doesn't get much better than that.

Wow thanks!

 

Lee (Knight) - can you please maybe just play your melody idea? I'm having trouble understanding what you mean.

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They're both terrific. Very enjoyable.

 

This song has the effect of pulling you (the listener) into the story immediately, and keeping you there. It also has the feeling of a good musical theater song (as opposed to the Andrew Lloyd Weber style and all its current derivatives).

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They're both terrific. Very enjoyable.

 

This song has the effect of pulling you (the listener) into the story immediately, and keeping you there. It also has the feeling of a good musical theater song (as opposed to the Andrew Lloyd Weber style and all its current derivatives).

 

Thanks, Lee - honestly this song has been a real struggle finding chords for the melody, and usually that stuff comes quickly. There are some super obvious chords that would make it either Billy Joel or some old standard (some great diminished chords), but I wanted it modern and kind of edgy (i.e. on the edge, unstable). Hopefully these work. At the same time, part of me thinks the melody - which is currently 100% diatonic/in-key - needs something chromatic somewhere...I'm worried it gets boring. Seems like you think no? The bridge will pick up a bit I think.

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Who am I...........to expect you to wait

 

 

I really love this tune. It works as is but I'm going to throw this out there. The line above echoes the 1st line with a variation. But it is a close echo. That certainly works here. But it also tends to reduce that emotion to a small little incidental thing. A little emotion kept in a little box all these years. That works in a sort of self deprecating way. I like the effect. But I wonder if you were to really hold the "I" Who am I.............

 

That really breaks from the first line, sort of calls attention to you the singer. Who am I?!?!?!? to expect you to wait. So, the next line would be the same but with only the pickup word "to" added before. I think the line "who am I?" works on a couple of levels that you might be able to milk a bit more. Just who do you think you are? And... hello, who's this?

 

I realize you're following line has the "I" stretched out but not to the point I'm suggesting. And I think they would play together nicely. Or not. Because it really is wonderful as it is.

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Yeah one concern I have about the melody is that it's rhythmically boring, so you're dead on. It's a great idea, Lee - you nail my concern that it would detract from the following line, though. We'll see.

 

We're recording this next Friday, rehearsing Sunday and next Wednesday, so I need to finish this ideally by Friday night so she can learn it and we can work out the kinks. (Here's an initial run-through.) I set the bar for myself a bit high for this, struggling to execute within tight restrictions. I'm also in love with it, so a little paralyzed, don't want to eff it up. I have a feeling to actually finish this will require living with some rough edges and imperfect executions...I will actively post progress, though - absolutely need you guys to keep me in check. :)

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Yeah one concern I have about the melody is that it's rhythmically boring...

 

I don't think it's "rhythmically boring" at all. I do think it needs variation in the spot I suggested. Not necessarily what I suggested... but that spot? Yes. Right now you have melodic variation but to my ear it begs for rhythmic variation. Or not.

 

 

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