Don't Let Your Dreams Get In the Way [new mix post 34 w Stickboy master!]

[mbfrancis]

EDIT: New mix w female vox.

 

 

One bummer about getting older is that opportunities to collaborate are fewer. This weekend I got to stay with an ex-bandmate and his family, and we cranked out a song in his studio. (The lyric came because he has a baby who was teething.) It's definitely not something I would have written alone, even though it ended up being mostly me, but bouncing ideas off him as I went. I'm very stoked how this turned out, but I'd love thoughts on the lyric, I think it may need a little tweaking. Is the chorus distinct enough? Do the verses make sense? Is it clear what's going on? Does the bridge work? Etc...

 

"Don't Let Your Dreams Get In the Way"

 

And I sprung into action

To duck your reaction

When I thought you should settle

here

And I said, I’m sorry

And you said, you scar me

And never even let the wound heal

Let it heal

 

Chorus

But baby please fall asleep

Don’t let your dreams get in the way

Don’t let your dreams make you go waste a perfect day

Don’t let your dreams get in the way

 

I kiss you and try now

But you should know by now

That we can’t get high now

enough

And I said, I’m sorry

You ended the party

And never even let clean up

Let me clean up

 

Chorus

​But baby please fall asleep

Don’t let your dreams get in the way

Don’t let your dreams make you go waste a perfect day

But baby please fall asleep

Don’t let the ghosts lead you astray

Don’t let the ghosts we made and fed take you away

Don’t let your dreams get in the way

 

Bridge

Hey let’s never us get this far again

Let’s be happy we’ve got time to spare and spend

Time to never betray your closest friend

Hey let’s never think we deserve some more

Let’s be grateful we’ve got stuff to be grateful for

Give it time you won’t dream those dreams no more

 

Chorus

[bee3]

Awesome. Just a first listen... I think the verse and chorus are both quite good, particularly how one flows into the other. I also like the little instrumental piano passages. Love the idea of the strings and how they lead into that second chorus, but do you have any different patches? The one you're using now seems a little to... singular. Would be cool to hear some real movement... I don't know how to adequately describe what I'm thinking, but something like a cello serving up something underneath, and a varied viola/violin coming in over top.

 

The bridge took me by surprise... and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. So I'll give a few more listens... though, I do really dig the way it comes out of it and goes into the instrumental tag.

[bee3]

So, lyrically, is the idea that you've wronged this person, and perhaps they left you... but for some reason have come back. And you're trying to tell them that the two of you should appreciate each other for what you are and forget about the past?

 

Or am I totally off and it's about baby teething?

[LCK]

Wonderful. I have become a huge admirer of your work. This is no exception.

 

That said, the verses and the piano interludes are the gold here. The chorus is really good too, but at just one listen I wasn't as thrilled by the bridge.

 

One lyrical quibble:

 

I kiss you and try now

But you should know by now

That we can’t get high now

enough

 

Those first two lines are sooooooooo good, it's a shame to not let them just sit and be wonderful on their own. Adding that third line -- which doesn't fit the rhyme scheme of the first verse -- creates a kind of sag in the action for me because, seriously, your other rhymes (though not perfect) are so perfect!

 

So my feeling is, let it be a two-rhyme rhyme scheme on that part of the second verse. As is it's like a ratty old house ruining the value of the real estate around it. (Well, not that bad, but kinda...)

[mbfrancis]

Thanks, guys - key to lyric is word 'settle,' the chorus and the bridge. Basically she wants to leave, has big dreams, thinks she can do better, and the song is him deploying every otherwise-healthy argument (live for today, appreciate the here and now, don't betray your friends) to get her to stay with him, like "abandon your dreams you'll never do better than me, I'm safe." Settle...for me,

 

So the verses need to align to that.

 

Justin - we used his protools rig so I was at the mercy of what he had. I'd wanted to do a more quartet vibe with single instruments (great minds!) but his patches sucked. I can redo the string. (But did you hear the French horns at the end??)

 

LCK - so you think by throwing in an unexpected rhyme it cheapens the real estate? That would put a premium on form (and listener expectations) over surprise ear candy....I'd say that's a debate! It might not be a classy addition but it still might raise the property value, ha.

[LCK]

 

LCK - so you think by throwing in an unexpected rhyme it cheapens the real estate?

 

Sometimes, yes.

 

Just enough is always just right, while too much is always too much.

 

[mbfrancis]

Recorded female vocals tonight, parts are in progress, but holy cow the bridge now sounds like a massive party, which was kind of the point - a celebration of settling.

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12870154

[stickboymusic]

Ok firstly its great - I haven't spent enough time with it to comment on lyrics yet but I do want to mention my first thought

 

Its the slight similarity to coldplays trouble - probably not enough to be a problem but a piano riff start going into THAT bassline does bring thoughts of coldplay.

 

Im sure it isnt close enough to bother you but see what you think

 

[video=youtube;kcASPx3-HuI]

[rsadasiv]

Wonderful. I have become a huge admirer of your work. This is no exception.

 

+1

[Oswlek]

I got the same "Trouble" vibe as well. Not too much with the guitar, but definitely when the piano takes lead.

 

I LOVE the chord change when the chorus comes in, but I keep getting turned off by the melody on "fall asleep." It feels to me like you are singing what should be the low harmony and the lead vocal should jump on "fall." Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that "fall asleep" bugs me. Otherwise I'm sold.

[mbfrancis]

Ok firstly its great - I haven't spent enough time with it to comment on lyrics yet but I do want to mention my first thought

 

Its the slight similarity to coldplays trouble - probably not enough to be a problem but a piano riff start going into THAT bassline does bring thoughts of coldplay.

 

Im sure it isnt close enough to bother you but see what you think

 

[video=youtube;kcASPx3-HuI]

 

I hadn't heard that song in >10 years so I was scared to click the link...but you're right, it's not close enough to stress. I knew this had a coldplay vibe, that's ok, not a fatal association, ha.

 

Would love thoughts on the lyrics - do they make sense? I am considering a re-write that makes this more 'marketable song' and less 'quirky malcontented art piece.' The message would be more straight and earnest - 'seize the day, 'live for the moment,' etc., and the bridge would be less musically jarring. Just a really nice piano ballad. That said, I think this achieves what I set out to do, I just think the verses might need to be tightened a little. So I'd love thoughts.

[mbfrancis]

I got the same "Trouble" vibe as well. Not too much with the guitar, but definitely when the piano takes lead.

 

I LOVE the chord change when the chorus comes in, but I keep getting turned off by the melody on "fall asleep." It feels to me like you are singing what should be the low harmony and the lead vocal should jump on "fall." Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that "fall asleep" bugs me. Otherwise I'm sold.

Hey Justin, I'm wondering if the melody has grown on you at all. This track has grown on some other people, including the guy I wrote it with! Doesn't mean it's good...

[rsadasiv]

I think it's good....

[LCK]

 

LCK - so you think by throwing in an unexpected rhyme it cheapens the real estate?

 

It wasn't that it wasn't expected but that it wasn't as good as the others. It sounded forced while the others seemed to flow a whole lot better.

 

Anyway, it stuck out at me as needing a revision.

 

[mbfrancis]

This is almost done: mix with real drums, real organ, real piano: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13099320

[bee3]

Said it on the other site and will say it again... THIS IS AWESOME.

[stickboymusic]

Yeh this is also fantastic - lyrically im not as commited to it as the other one you posted. I don't think there are any real issues just not as interesting to me as the others.

 

I still hear the coldplay thing by the way..... its the pretty much identical bassline on the intro (which is quite a distinct part of the coldplay song)

[LCK]

Yeh this is also fantastic - lyrically im not as commited to it as the other one you posted. I don't think there are any real issues just not as interesting to me as the others.

 

I agree on both points.

 

 

[mbfrancis]

Thanks, all!! I'm not really swinging for the fences with this one, so I can live with the imperfections/quirkiness. If I re-wrote it I would totally change the message to make a more 'carpe diem' thing, and make the bridge more conventional, too. Saw this as the last song on the EP.

 

I still hear the coldplay thing by the way..... its the pretty much identical bassline on the intro (which is quite a distinct part of the coldplay song)

 

I never understood what you meant by the same bass line, because I heard my chords in context (I - vi - iii) different from his (IV - ii - vi), but I get what you're saying now. (What's funny is that my friend wrote that part - he played it for me on a uke, strummed and faster.) So basically the bass is the same and it's got a similar piano vibe. Usually I hate openly lifting like that but do you think I can live with it here? I have no problem saying "oh that's my Coldplay song."

[rhino55]

Sounds great!

 

Coldplay has been sued a couple of times for plagiarism. If you can live with it, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[thehundredthone]

I don't really think it's all that Coldplay-y. Every other Coldplay song is a piano followed by a bassline.

 

It's a really cool song, mbfrancis, and like LCK said, the verse and piano are really where it's at with this song. Lyrically I'm guessing you're done with the song so I didn't look at them too closely. The chorus works, although it isn't all that the verse is. I think you could lead into the change from verse to chorus better by using a different note for the word "way". Only one major issue with the song, I think you need to redo the line "never even let the wound heal" because it sounds out of tune to me.

[mbfrancis]

Yeah, I just got Melodyne and I ran the vocal through it - I will need to 'help' it a bit on the next mix, ha.

[Lane1777]

what a change-up in the bridge, its all good to me, but I`m a rookie, I`ll learn a little more and be a little more positive with comments.

when I do

[mbfrancis]

what a change-up in the bridge, its all good to me, but I`m a rookie, I`ll learn a little more and be a little more positive with comments.

when I do

 

Hey Lane, thanks, and no worries, don't care if your comments are positive or negative, just honest! Glad you're here!

[mbfrancis]

Hey guys, finishing this arrangement, need a quick opinion which you like better on v2:

 

Piano: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13109945

Vibes/Gtr: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13109946

 

I have some other ideas (tremelo strings!), but I'd like to wrap this up. I like the piano I think simply because then I'm not introducing any new instruments, but the vibes are cool (the patch is actually called "Fiona Brion" lol).

 

Gracias!