Lyrics in Progress: These old Roads

[Cosmic Closet]

Hi All,

 

I am new to these boards; I am glad to see songwriting on a dedicated board all its own.

 

"These old Roads" is about a breakup. Any and all comments are welome and appreciated.

 

Best,

 

CC

 

 

 

V.1: Friendly houses watch me

Each time I walk on by

The cattle in the meadow know me well

But the wind is slowly turning

I think of all that's gone

The gravel now has one more tale to tell.

 

Chorus: We should have walked these old roads together

With seagulls listening in the sky

With the sun, the fields and the heather

These old roads would have helped us say goodbye.

 

V.2.: Out of new beginnings

Or maybe out of heart

Too weary to get up for one more try

A million miles between us

If one thing could be changed

This is where we should have let it die.

 

Chorus: We should have walked these old roads together

With seagulls listening in the sky

With the sun, the fields and the heather

These old roads would have helped us say goodbye.

 

Bridge: I think of how we started

And how this came to pass

Sorrow cuts my mind like broken glass

 

Chorus,

Diff key: We should have walked these old roads together

With seagulls listening in the sky

With the sun, the fields and the heather

These old roads would have helped us say goodbye.

 

Repeat: These old roads would have helped us say.....

Goodbye.

 

 

End.

 

 

 

@2005. C. Harding.

[BryanMichael]

First let me say that I like the idea of this song very much and I think it has some great points / lines, but IMO it is a bit unfocused and sentimental or something...but I am intrigued. Let me work up a full critique and get back to you...

 

 

 

B

[BryanMichael]

V.1: Friendly houses watch me

Each time I walk on by

The cattle in the meadow know me well

But the wind is slowly turning

I think of all that's gone

The gravel now has one more tale to tell.

 

OK- I like the

[Cosmic Closet]

BM,

 

Thanks so much for your detailed critique. I can see from your suggestions that I have done something I have done before in my writing: get too lyrical and vague at the expense of the story being told. I especially like the 'this gravel road' suggestion.

 

It's funny that although I am describing the countryside here correctly, it is confusing people as to the location. It is in fact Denmark, and we have both heather, cattle and seagulls close together (rural towns, fields, inlets.) Soooo....maybe something has to go.

 

The bridge will be changed. I started disliking it soon after I wrote it, and you are not the only one to suggest changing it.

 

Let's see what version 2 brings.....

 

Thanks again,

 

Best,

 

CC.

[BryanMichael]

Originally posted by Cosmic Closet BM, Thanks so much for your detailed critique. I can see from your suggestions that I have done something I have done before in my writing: get too lyrical and vague at the expense of the story being told. I especially like the 'this gravel road' suggestion. It's funny that although I am describing the countryside here correctly, it is confusing people as to the location. It is in fact Denmark, and we have both heather, cattle and seagulls close together (rural towns, fields, inlets.) Soooo....maybe something has to go. The bridge will be changed. I started disliking it soon after I wrote it, and you are not the only one to suggest changing it. Let's see what version 2 brings..... Thanks again, Best, CC.

 

 

Hey, I'm sorry if I did more of a "re-write" than a true critique, but I really liked the idea so I just went with it!

 

I also kind of figured that the countryside was probably an accurate description, since you were being specific- it was just hard for me to picture being here in the U.S. in the midwest, there was nothing "wrong" with the description, I was just trying to make it all fit into my mental picture...

 

I'm glad you took this as it was intended, I hope I wasn't stepping on your toes.

 

It's a nice lyric, I'd like to see a revision when you get around to it.

 

Peace,

Br