Members rhino55 Posted July 23, 2014 Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 I enjoyed the discussion about theory (theery for Bee) in the talk about whatever thread. I went to make a demo of the chords I was playing to add to the discussion, and before you know it, I had slowed it down, changed the count a bit, and took to songwriting. So as to not clutter that thread with with something off topic, I thought I'd make a new one. Lyrically this is just kind of what came out. I've been sitting on the term Drowned Cicadas for a minute, I thought it'd make an awesome band name, but I think it'll work in a song. My question for you jokers is does it need a chorus or bridge type thing or will it work as a riff and verse with the drowned cicadas bit being repeated a couple times (not as quickly as on the demo). If it does need another part, where does it go chordally? I tried a few things, and as Os mentioned in one of the comments, it shifted the key towards G and then it didn't feel right coming back to the other part. http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12864746&q=hi lyrics coming once I write some out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted July 23, 2014 Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 My question for you jokers is does it need a chorus or bridge type thing or will it work as a riff and verse with the drowned cicadas bit being repeated a couple times (not as quickly as on the demo). Like it the way your doing it without a chorus....works for me...I like it so far Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 23, 2014 Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 Cool. The fact that you only really sing over the Am-C-F gives it a totally different feel than it appeared in print. (Still sounds like G mix to me, though. ) Did you drop the Bb? I like it as is - a nice short ditty - but if you want to extend it it probably could use a fresh movement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 Thanks I didn't know I was going to be singing over that part, that's just what felt right. There is a quick Bb after the F. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 First pass at lyrics Drowned cicadasNever knew they were gonna dieCaught up singingDown by the creek side No way to knowThe water would be this highShouldn’t have followedThose bastard horse flies Already shed their golden skinThe time had come to flyDrowned cicadasNever knew they were gonna die Another possible angle I could take, would be that they knew they were about to die since cicadas typically have a pretty short life cycle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 and after playing around with the lyric a bit Drowned cicadasNever knew they were gonna dieAlready shed their golden skinThe time had come to fly Set up and started singingDown by the creek sideNo way to knowThe water would be this high Shouldn’t have followedThose bastard horse fliesDrowned cicadasNever knew they were gonna die Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 23, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 23, 2014 How cool, Rhino! Personally, I like the first version. "Caught up singing" right away puts a different, fantastical reason for them getting distracted. Very different but feels so right... in a song... where you're all caught up singing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted July 23, 2014 Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm thinking instead of "shouldn't have followed", now all that's left are these Can you work a bridge in somehow??Or instead maybe 4 ms instrumental intro with a riff of some sortthat gets repeated with some variations before/after each verse... Not to water it down, but to fill it out. Of course a slide electric is mandatory in this sort of situation, but you knew that. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 24, 2014 Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 Definitely agree that a Bridge would benefit the song. Suggested Bridge content: The US cicadas down the eastern seaboard remain dormant for 17 years.They come out and call for a mate, they mate, and then it's good night Irene.So it's not surprising that they drown from being inattentive. Cicadas up and down the treesSinging for a mateGot something on their mindPlease understand their fate17 years without a girlAnd one night for to findDrowned cicadas everywhereHad something on their mind Or something along these lines…….maybe…….maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 24, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 24, 2014 Ha! Good idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 Did another demo with an added bridge. Didn't see everybody's comments but will address them momentarily. Here is how it sits as of last night. http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12865608&q=hi Drowned cicadasBy the creek sideGot caught up singingJust waiting around to die Already shed their golden skinIt was time to flyNo way to knowThe water was gonna get this high Probably shouldn’t have followedThese bastard horse fliesDrowned cicadasSing until they die Ooooo oooo ooooSing until they die A couple of questions I have. Does the bridge work? Would 'sang until they died' work better? The grammar is kind of bugging me on that, but I think it sang well as is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 How cool' date=' Rhino! Personally, I like the first version. "Caught up singing" right away puts a different, fantastical reason for them getting distracted. Very different but feels so right... in a song... where you're all caught up singing.[/quote'] Glad you dig. Yours was the last comment I saw before I made the demo. Do you think the rearrangement of the first verse works as is? Also has a nod to Townes, which I thought was sort of clever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 I'm thinking instead of "shouldn't have followed", now all that's left are these Can you work a bridge in somehow?? Or instead maybe 4 ms instrumental intro with a riff of some sort that gets repeated with some variations before/after each verse... Not to water it down, but to fill it out. Of course a slide electric is mandatory in this sort of situation, but you knew that. nat whilk ii 'Now all that's left' yep, that's getting used. Thanks. Got a bridge now. Not sure if it adds enough variance. Good call with the slide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 Definitely agree that a Bridge would benefit the song. Suggested Bridge content: The US cicadas down the eastern seaboard remain dormant for 17 years. They come out and call for a mate, they mate, and then it's good night Irene. So it's not surprising that they drown from being inattentive. Cicadas up and down the trees Singing for a mate Got something on their mind Please understand their fate 17 years without a girl And one night for to find Drowned cicadas everywhere Had something on their mind Or something along these lines…….maybe…….maybe not. That's really good. Really good. I wonder if exchanging the ooo ooo ooo in the current bridge with something like 'they sang for love' would get some of that across. It obviously wouldn't go into much detail. hmmmm.... that's good food for thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 24, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 24, 2014 This is cool! The main riff could really be done likeLittle Feat if you wanted to. I hear an octave Bill Payne piano playing along with your riff. Then that Richie Hayward take on a New Orleans funk. Anyway you work it up, it's gonna be good. I like the bridge fine. It doesn't offer a lift as much as a respite, which is cool. The very first line at the top of the singing at V1 is a bit too "Wild Horses". But the other lyrics in the same place don't sound like it. You may want to move the initial phrase to the same melody as the others. Cool tune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 This is cool! The main riff could really be done likeLittle Feat if you wanted to. I hear an octave Bill Payne piano playing along with your riff. Then that Richie Hayward take on a New Orleans funk. Anyway you work it up, it's gonna be good. I like the bridge fine. It doesn't offer a lift as much as a respite, which is cool. The very first line at the top of the singing at V1 is a bit too "Wild Horses". But the other lyrics in the same place don't sound like it. You may want to move the initial phrase to the same melody as the others. Cool tune Oh man, that would be cool. Good catch with the "wild horses" I didn't start singing right away on that Am chord so there are a few extra strums before, which I think is what threw it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 24, 2014 Members Share Posted July 24, 2014 I listened to the new one and the old one, and I much prefer your first link. To me, that low energy vibe is the key to the song and the more emphatic delivery of version 2 disturbs that. Those high notes are what create the "Wild Horses" issue, so going back fixes that as well. It might also be worth not ending the bridge in the same F-Bb manner because it takes away some of the momentum created by the new chord. Maybe replace it the first time around and use it the second time as a way to transition back to another verse (if you are going to do that). Or, another idea is moving the bridge up to between the 2nd and 3rd stanzas and making it more of an AABA structure. All you'd need to do is replace the "sing until they die" line since that hasn't arrived yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members zilgirl Posted July 30, 2014 Members Share Posted July 30, 2014 Really like this...glad it came out of your brain! Nice getting to know you people here at HC. Really nice song.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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