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Genevieve Knows - Lyric in #48, Final mix (I think) in #85!

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  • Genevieve Knows - Lyric in #48, Final mix (I think) in #85!

    [Guys bear with my posting volume - my family is out of town for 5 weeks, so I am trying to be as productive as possible. Like the French, I will likely take all of August off. I'm always amazed that I'm still able to come up with songs.]

    OK, this chorus melody came to me Sunday night. Some of the chorus words are similar to an early 80s hit song, but otherwise - um, did I write this? This is one of those that maybe came *too* easily, if you know what I mean. It's never happened to me where I had to kill the track, so I'm optimistic, but let me know. (I googled 'life's not lived it's waged' and found nothing...did I really think of that? Hard to believe.) [EDIT: Note I am not referring to the opening bassline, which clearly and deliberately lifts from a number of classic pop songs.]

    Assuming I'm good, let me know what you think - does this cohere? Is it clear that I'm mocking her in my quote? Is the chorus too long? It's not meant to cure cancer, but does it hold together as a pop song? Any suggestions for a v2 or bridge direction are welcome. Usually I come to you guys with fully baked ideas, but this is definitely GOS - bring it on!

    http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12857186


    "Genevieve Knows"

    She's like, 'yeah,
    someone oughta follow me
    and write stuff down.'
    I'm like, 'yeah, everytime you speak
    it's like a brand new sound'
    and every night's a blur
    but still I'd go to bat for her

    Chorus:
    Genevieve takes the morning train
    to get to to work by nine and back again
    she says it seems like no one acts their age
    and that it feels like life's not lived it's waged
    and Genevieve knows my love for her grows
    whether she stays or whether she goes insane
    as long as she calls my name
    Last edited by mbfrancis; 09-21-2014, 07:15 PM.

  • #2
    First impression- you've used the music from Grease (Summer Lovin')
    Last edited by bee3; 07-15-2014, 01:16 PM.

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    • #3
      Oohh... that chorus is really sweet.

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      • #4
        So... on my second listen. I do really love that chorus, well... most of it. I think it could flow better in parts. The pause between "no" and "one" in the third line disrupts that nice smooth flow... but I'm sure you'll work stuff like that out as it matures.

        The line "and Genevieve knows my love for her grows" sounds a bit too much like a musical... I don't think that's what you're going for... it's really the way you sing 'grows' that bugs me.

        My first impression on the verse chords remains with me... perhaps too similar to Summer Lovin'... maybe you can alter the hits to disguise it.

        The feel of this one kind of reminds me of this guy Frank Bango who I discovered this year... if you could channel some Frank Bango into this one... YES!

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        • mbfrancis
          mbfrancis commented
          Editing a comment
          Never said anything in this - my only problem with the Frank Bango is that it's deliberately small, happy to be quirky and indie. I'm swinging for the fences, my friend.

      • #5
        Originally posted by bee3 View Post
        First impression- you've used the music from Grease (Summer Lovin')
        Oh yeah, should have said, obviously - also Hang On Sloopy. Easy to change though, just mix up rhythm. Not worried about that.
        Last edited by mbfrancis; 07-15-2014, 06:01 PM.

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        • #6
          Oh, whoops... forgot to even look at the lyrics. Yes, it is clear in the verse that you're mocking her... in fact, I think the first five lines are brilliant:

          She's like, 'yeah,
          someone oughta follow me
          and write stuff down.'
          I'm like, 'yeah, everytime you speak
          it's like a brand new sound' (BWAHAHAHAHA)
          and every night's a blur
          but still I'd go to bat for her


          But I'm not sure about the whole slant of loving her (at least throughout the song) is where I would've taken it... I kind of like the idea of a series of put-downs and almost comical scenarios like you did in the first verse. Maybe a surprise at the end that you've fallen for her? That would be cool.
          Last edited by bee3; 07-15-2014, 01:27 PM.

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          • #7
            Well, part of this was responding to a challenge from a friend to not make every person in my songs f^&ked up and pathological. Or on drugs. So me being in love with her was a way of softening the whole thing. I can certainly mock her the whole time but I'd rather not.

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            • #8
              Are you safe mocking her in the first verse? I sure hope so... because that verse is awesome.

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              • #9
                Other than the "Summer Lovin'" copping being a bit too blatant, I love it. The piano in the second half of the verse is brilliant.

                Is it OK if I hate you?
                Don't listen to Justin.
                LCK - 2/21/2012

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                • #10
                  I wasn't super crazy about the way the last two lines of the verse. Maybe something like this?

                  She's like, 'yeah,
                  someone oughta follow me
                  and write stuff down.'
                  I'm like, 'yeah, everytime you speak
                  it's like a brand new sound'
                  Yet she's in my head
                  From the moment she leaves my bed... and

                  Genevieve takes the morning train
                  to get to to work by nine and back again
                  she says it seems like no one acts their age
                  and that it feels like life's not lived it's waged
                  and Genevieve knows my love for her grows
                  whether she stays or whether she goes insane
                  as long as she calls my name

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    Yeah maybe something like that. I'm not at all wed to blur/her, but those lines have to deftly transition from the mocking verse into the sympathetic chorus.

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      I thought "blur/her" was a creative rhyme. Didn't even need to understand the lines themselves to want to sing along.

                      But I still hate you.
                      Last edited by Oswlek; 07-15-2014, 02:55 PM.
                      Don't listen to Justin.
                      LCK - 2/21/2012

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Nice. I particularly like the back and forth of She's like yeah... I'm like...

                        Clever.
                        __________
                        Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                        Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                        Jesus

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                        • #14
                          Originally posted by Oswlek View Post
                          I thought "blur/her" was a creative rhyme. Didn't even need to understand the lines themselves to want to sing along.

                          But I still hate you.
                          The rhyme was good, but it's a challenge to connect the verse and the chorus, not sure if it does it. Oh, and don't hate the playa...

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                          • #15
                            I like the song, but I really think you need to reconsider that bass line. I think you can maintain the rhythm and phrasing but change it melodically. It is just too recognisable as a lift from a couple of hit songs. Sloopy has been mentioned, but also The Game Of Love.

                            'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
                            CHARLIE PARKER

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