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Ravenhurst Road. Phase 1


Lee Knight

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I must admit to being very moved by Phil's/OGP's lyric. This is his. I am a catholic school boy myself... and I suspect a bit more pissed off than Phil. But I don't know that. I only know his lyric. But me? I'm pissed off! This may be reflected in the music. If not? I plan it to be. I hear my good friend Jeff Moore channeling Lennon being pissed off trying to do the Taxman solo "better" than Paul as if he were John pissed off! Nonsensical rage in a solo. I hear my good friend Mark DeCerbo doing his best choir boy Brian Wilson harmonies. Ideas? Squashes? Hurrahs? Whatever... Let's hear it! I'm sick with flu and feeling honest!

 

Too much for a pop song? Perhaps. But this is what you hear so far...

 

https://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-le...trdwork1editl2

 

Intro

Turn off the village high street

Down Ravenhurst Road

 

V1

Past bright and friendly houses

Kept with love and care

To a small, red brick Victorian

No-one noticed the children there

The classrooms dark and catholic

Stacked with silent load

Facts were taught with the stick

Down on Ravenhurst Road

 

C1

Leaning on the desktop

Dreaming in the class

A boy holds on to what he’s got

And grows up fast

In seas of possibility

Ready to explode

And this boy swam the waters

On Ravenhurst Road

 

V2

The Fathers and the Brothers

All with Irish names

Thought that boys were born in sin

So plied their Jesus game

With Holy Ghost and Mary

Standing in the line

We mumbled meaning with their words

And we served our time.

 

C2

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argh.... so frustrating. My work computer doesn't get along with soundcloud... 80% of the time. It seems that soundcloud only works when the link is embedded in a post. When I go to the soundcloud site, it just spins and spins... no sound. :(

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The anger definitely comes through, though it could be more. I like the vocal as is and maybe the arrangement will bring out the darker edges, but I feel like there could be more fury underneath.

 

I love the banjos, that works great. Strong lift in the chorus with some excellent call response. I don't know if you are limiting yourself to the usual 3:30 pop duration, but I would have stuck around if the bit at the end took its time. Maybe another 20 seconds of layering before hitting the change at 3:02.

 

Good stuff, looking forward to seeing it grow. :)

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Listening again, the first line isn't coming out cleanly to my ear. I think it might sound better without the pick-up note (word) at the beginning of the line. Hit the first downbeat with the first word, something like:

 

Past the friendly houses

 

or

 

Pass the friendly houses

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Still listening... are the toms during the post C1 break necessary? On my third pass and that is still distracting me.

 

One more thing.... I really want a fresh chord to come in at 2:01 on the "Holy Ghost and Mary" line. Something to punctuate the importance of that line and the second half of the verse. I'm not sure you'd need to adjust the bass or anything else, find a chord that is in the key but pushes against the tonic a little. I think that would sound awesome.

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OK... being the genius that I am, I figured out I could just simply listen on my phone. I may have outdone myself and even crawled on the floor to unplug my computer speakers so I could use them with my phone.

 

Wow. What a cool motif. Really dig the groove... the sparse arrangement with that bass bubbling beneath the surface. Peter Gabriel-esque. That last line of the chorus "on Ravenhurst Road" is begging for multiple unison voices.

 

The first few lines of the second chorus could use some... embellishing. Think Trent Reznor. Something that kind of snarls... quietly.

 

I'm not a fan of the spoken bit... but I generally turn up a snobby nose to things like that.

 

That's all I got for now.

 

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More cool ideas ^^. Yeah, the spoken bit at the top is there because I said I would. :) I read the intro and really didn't know how to make that work sung. So... I'm trying the friendly English lady intro. :) But I can very easily remove. I'd love more reaction to that from others later hopefully. As it stands now... the idea is to try and re-introduce her speaking the last line of the bridge as well...

 

...sometime... open doors

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Hey Lee' date=' just wanted to point out that I made a few extra posts (and edits) that might have passed by above. I went on a little flurry there. :)[/quote']

 

 

Yes! I did see it all and love every idea. I will be trying all this.

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The anger definitely comes through, though it could be more. I like the vocal as is and maybe the arrangement will bring out the darker edges, but I feel like there could be more fury underneath.

 

I love the banjos, that works great. Strong lift in the chorus with some excellent call response. I don't know if you are limiting yourself to the usual 3:30 pop duration, but I would have stuck around if the bit at the end took its time. Maybe another 20 seconds of layering before hitting the change at 3:02.

 

Good stuff, looking forward to seeing it grow. :)

 

I want a guitar solo somewhere in there. I'll probably put it right about where you're talking about. Maybe on the Chorus chords with the intro melody overlaid. Then John kicking Pauls Taxman ass, then into a bridge and then a chorus out. And with electrics and more vocals and keys, the idea is to keep it sparse but have some build opportunities as well...

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This music is really wonderful, love all the parts.

 

I need to listen to this a few times - for me it's tough because it's *so* American/Americana and I've already conceived this lyric in an Anglo context. Right now it jars for me - need to separate myself from it and come back.

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This music is really wonderful, love all the parts.

 

I need to listen to this a few times - for me it's tough because it's *so* American/Americana and I've already conceived this lyric in an Anglo context. Right now it jars for me - need to separate myself from it and come back.

That did cross mymind at first... and was going to comment on it... then I thought of bands like Mumford and Sons who have kind of crossed over with banjos and such and thought... F it... it's a really cool tune. Who cares?

 

 

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