Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 I must admit to being very moved by Phil's/OGP's lyric. This is his. I am a catholic school boy myself... and I suspect a bit more pissed off than Phil. But I don't know that. I only know his lyric. But me? I'm pissed off! This may be reflected in the music. If not? I plan it to be. I hear my good friend Jeff Moore channeling Lennon being pissed off trying to do the Taxman solo "better" than Paul as if he were John pissed off! Nonsensical rage in a solo. I hear my good friend Mark DeCerbo doing his best choir boy Brian Wilson harmonies. Ideas? Squashes? Hurrahs? Whatever... Let's hear it! I'm sick with flu and feeling honest! Too much for a pop song? Perhaps. But this is what you hear so far... https://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-le...trdwork1editl2 IntroTurn off the village high streetDown Ravenhurst Road V1Past bright and friendly housesKept with love and careTo a small, red brick VictorianNo-one noticed the children thereThe classrooms dark and catholicStacked with silent loadFacts were taught with the stickDown on Ravenhurst Road C1Leaning on the desktopDreaming in the classA boy holds on to what he’s gotAnd grows up fastIn seas of possibilityReady to explodeAnd this boy swam the watersOn Ravenhurst Road V2The Fathers and the BrothersAll with Irish namesThought that boys were born in sinSo plied their Jesus gameWith Holy Ghost and MaryStanding in the lineWe mumbled meaning with their wordsAnd we served our time. C2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 Oh... and that bit at the end is the bridge. Now the school has goneIts ghost haunts me no moreThe scars that build our character Sometime open doors (Spoken by the intro voice over chick) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 argh.... so frustrating. My work computer doesn't get along with soundcloud... 80% of the time. It seems that soundcloud only works when the link is embedded in a post. When I go to the soundcloud site, it just spins and spins... no sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 That's a shame, Bee. it really is in its infant stage anyway. Just a very bare bones initial sketch to get the ball rolling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Can you update the original post with the lyrics again, Lee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 The anger definitely comes through, though it could be more. I like the vocal as is and maybe the arrangement will bring out the darker edges, but I feel like there could be more fury underneath. I love the banjos, that works great. Strong lift in the chorus with some excellent call response. I don't know if you are limiting yourself to the usual 3:30 pop duration, but I would have stuck around if the bit at the end took its time. Maybe another 20 seconds of layering before hitting the change at 3:02. Good stuff, looking forward to seeing it grow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 done ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Listening again, the first line isn't coming out cleanly to my ear. I think it might sound better without the pick-up note (word) at the beginning of the line. Hit the first downbeat with the first word, something like: Past the friendly houses or Pass the friendly houses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Still listening... are the toms during the post C1 break necessary? On my third pass and that is still distracting me. One more thing.... I really want a fresh chord to come in at 2:01 on the "Holy Ghost and Mary" line. Something to punctuate the importance of that line and the second half of the verse. I'm not sure you'd need to adjust the bass or anything else, find a chord that is in the key but pushes against the tonic a little. I think that would sound awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 I like that ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 OK... being the genius that I am, I figured out I could just simply listen on my phone. I may have outdone myself and even crawled on the floor to unplug my computer speakers so I could use them with my phone. Wow. What a cool motif. Really dig the groove... the sparse arrangement with that bass bubbling beneath the surface. Peter Gabriel-esque. That last line of the chorus "on Ravenhurst Road" is begging for multiple unison voices. The first few lines of the second chorus could use some... embellishing. Think Trent Reznor. Something that kind of snarls... quietly. I'm not a fan of the spoken bit... but I generally turn up a snobby nose to things like that. That's all I got for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 More cool ideas ^^. Yeah, the spoken bit at the top is there because I said I would. I read the intro and really didn't know how to make that work sung. So... I'm trying the friendly English lady intro. But I can very easily remove. I'd love more reaction to that from others later hopefully. As it stands now... the idea is to try and re-introduce her speaking the last line of the bridge as well... ...sometime... open doors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Hey Lee, just wanted to point out that I made a few extra posts (and edits) that might have passed by above. I went on a little flurry there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 Still listening... are the toms during the post C1 break necessary? On my third pass and that is still distracting me. . So... do you hear that banjo/mando motif there still sans toms or just right into the V2? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Keep the banjo for sure. I'm just not sure about the perc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 Hey Lee' date=' just wanted to point out that I made a few extra posts (and edits) that might have passed by above. I went on a little flurry there. [/quote'] Yes! I did see it all and love every idea. I will be trying all this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 The anger definitely comes through, though it could be more. I like the vocal as is and maybe the arrangement will bring out the darker edges, but I feel like there could be more fury underneath. I love the banjos, that works great. Strong lift in the chorus with some excellent call response. I don't know if you are limiting yourself to the usual 3:30 pop duration, but I would have stuck around if the bit at the end took its time. Maybe another 20 seconds of layering before hitting the change at 3:02. Good stuff, looking forward to seeing it grow. I want a guitar solo somewhere in there. I'll probably put it right about where you're talking about. Maybe on the Chorus chords with the intro melody overlaid. Then John kicking Pauls Taxman ass, then into a bridge and then a chorus out. And with electrics and more vocals and keys, the idea is to keep it sparse but have some build opportunities as well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 Keep the banjo for sure. I'm just not sure about the perc. Got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 I dug the percussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 I dug the percussion. The toms in the the tag after the chorus? Or just overall do you mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 Finally had the chance to give this a listen. Loved it. Was the intro suppose to be the GPS voice? If so, nice! Dang Lee, I'd love to see what you could do with some of my lyrics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 This music is really wonderful, love all the parts. I need to listen to this a few times - for me it's tough because it's *so* American/Americana and I've already conceived this lyric in an Anglo context. Right now it jars for me - need to separate myself from it and come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 This music is really wonderful, love all the parts. I need to listen to this a few times - for me it's tough because it's *so* American/Americana and I've already conceived this lyric in an Anglo context. Right now it jars for me - need to separate myself from it and come back. That did cross mymind at first... and was going to comment on it... then I thought of bands like Mumford and Sons who have kind of crossed over with banjos and such and thought... F it... it's a really cool tune. Who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 15, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted July 15, 2014 Was the intro suppose to be the GPS voice? If so, nice! Wow! That honestly never occurred to me! Wow!!! What a cool idea... hmmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 15, 2014 Members Share Posted July 15, 2014 The toms in the the tag after the chorus? Or just overall do you mean? I meant overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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