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Ravenhurst Road. Phase 1

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  • Ravenhurst Road. Phase 1

    I must admit to being very moved by Phil's/OGP's lyric. This is his. I am a catholic school boy myself... and I suspect a bit more pissed off than Phil. But I don't know that. I only know his lyric. But me? I'm pissed off! This may be reflected in the music. If not? I plan it to be. I hear my good friend Jeff Moore channeling Lennon being pissed off trying to do the Taxman solo "better" than Paul as if he were John pissed off! Nonsensical rage in a solo. I hear my good friend Mark DeCerbo doing his best choir boy Brian Wilson harmonies. Ideas? Squashes? Hurrahs? Whatever... Let's hear it! I'm sick with flu and feeling honest!

    Too much for a pop song? Perhaps. But this is what you hear so far...

    https://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-le...trdwork1editl2

    Intro
    Turn off the village high street
    Down Ravenhurst Road

    V1
    Past bright and friendly houses
    Kept with love and care
    To a small, red brick Victorian
    No-one noticed the children there
    The classrooms dark and catholic
    Stacked with silent load
    Facts were taught with the stick
    Down on Ravenhurst Road

    C1
    Leaning on the desktop
    Dreaming in the class
    A boy holds on to what he’s got
    And grows up fast
    In seas of possibility
    Ready to explode
    And this boy swam the waters
    On Ravenhurst Road

    V2
    The Fathers and the Brothers
    All with Irish names
    Thought that boys were born in sin
    So plied their Jesus game
    With Holy Ghost and Mary
    Standing in the line
    We mumbled meaning with their words
    And we served our time.

    C2
    Last edited by Lee Knight; 07-15-2014, 09:33 AM.
    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

  • #2
    Oh... and that bit at the end is the bridge.

    Now the school has gone
    Its ghost haunts me no more
    The scars that build our character


    Sometime open doors (Spoken by the intro voice over chick)
    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

    Comment


    • #3
      argh.... so frustrating. My work computer doesn't get along with soundcloud... 80% of the time. It seems that soundcloud only works when the link is embedded in a post. When I go to the soundcloud site, it just spins and spins... no sound.
      Last edited by bee3; 07-15-2014, 08:10 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        That's a shame, Bee. it really is in its infant stage anyway. Just a very bare bones initial sketch to get the ball rolling.
        __________
        Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

        Comment


        • #5
          Can you update the original post with the lyrics again, Lee?
          Don't listen to Justin.
          LCK - 2/21/2012

          Comment


          • #6
            The anger definitely comes through, though it could be more. I like the vocal as is and maybe the arrangement will bring out the darker edges, but I feel like there could be more fury underneath.

            I love the banjos, that works great. Strong lift in the chorus with some excellent call response. I don't know if you are limiting yourself to the usual 3:30 pop duration, but I would have stuck around if the bit at the end took its time. Maybe another 20 seconds of layering before hitting the change at 32.

            Good stuff, looking forward to seeing it grow.
            Last edited by Oswlek; 07-15-2014, 09:50 AM.
            Don't listen to Justin.
            LCK - 2/21/2012

            Comment


            • #7
              done ^
              __________
              Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

              Comment


              • #8
                Listening again, the first line isn't coming out cleanly to my ear. I think it might sound better without the pick-up note (word) at the beginning of the line. Hit the first downbeat with the first word, something like:

                Past the friendly houses

                or

                Pass the friendly houses
                Don't listen to Justin.
                LCK - 2/21/2012

                Comment


                • #9
                  Still listening... are the toms during the post C1 break necessary? On my third pass and that is still distracting me.

                  One more thing.... I really want a fresh chord to come in at 21 on the "Holy Ghost and Mary" line. Something to punctuate the importance of that line and the second half of the verse. I'm not sure you'd need to adjust the bass or anything else, find a chord that is in the key but pushes against the tonic a little. I think that would sound awesome.
                  Last edited by Oswlek; 07-15-2014, 09:46 AM.
                  Don't listen to Justin.
                  LCK - 2/21/2012

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I like that ^
                    __________
                    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      OK... being the genius that I am, I figured out I could just simply listen on my phone. I may have outdone myself and even crawled on the floor to unplug my computer speakers so I could use them with my phone.

                      Wow. What a cool motif. Really dig the groove... the sparse arrangement with that bass bubbling beneath the surface. Peter Gabriel-esque. That last line of the chorus "on Ravenhurst Road" is begging for multiple unison voices.

                      The first few lines of the second chorus could use some... embellishing. Think Trent Reznor. Something that kind of snarls... quietly.

                      I'm not a fan of the spoken bit... but I generally turn up a snobby nose to things like that.

                      That's all I got for now.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        More cool ideas ^^. Yeah, the spoken bit at the top is there because I said I would. I read the intro and really didn't know how to make that work sung. So... I'm trying the friendly English lady intro. But I can very easily remove. I'd love more reaction to that from others later hopefully. As it stands now... the idea is to try and re-introduce her speaking the last line of the bridge as well...

                        ...sometime... open doors
                        Last edited by Lee Knight; 07-15-2014, 10:16 AM.
                        __________
                        Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hey Lee, just wanted to point out that I made a few extra posts (and edits) that might have passed by above. I went on a little flurry there.
                          Don't listen to Justin.
                          LCK - 2/21/2012

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Oswlek View Post
                            Still listening... are the toms during the post C1 break necessary? On my third pass and that is still distracting me.
                            .

                            So... do you hear that banjo/mando motif there still sans toms or just right into the V2?
                            __________
                            Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Keep the banjo for sure. I'm just not sure about the perc.
                              Don't listen to Justin.
                              LCK - 2/21/2012

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