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Back and Forth (Updated post 103)


bee3

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I've emerged from my rock... made myself get into the studio last night to lay down this idea that's been in my head. Just a verse and chorus so far...

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...ongID=12837430

 

Back and Forth

 

We've broken into two what was once was one

We've shattered all the joys that once were fun

Yet every time I fall you pick me up again

Brush me off and send me packing

 

Back and forth we drift into each other's consciousness

The world is pushing us to be together love...

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Yeah... I like it. I especially like the half time chorus and its melody.

 

Off the top of my head, I can see that the 2nd verse wants to be very different in arrangement than V1. Either V1 is no chucka guitar then it gets introduced in V2 or you break V2 way down. Or you go to an alt verse melody or something. I don't know why I say that other than as I listened it felt the need to shift gears instead of restate V1 identically.

 

Anyway, cart before the horse and I'm probably wrong. :) Nice, nice start!

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Definitely something there. I agree with Lee that the half-time chorus is really cool.

 

The one thing that bugged me is probably just personal taste. As a writer and a listener, I've grown tired of love songs, particularly when the melody and atmosphere is cool enough to carry a more unique story.

 

Again, probably just me, but I had a twinge of disappointment that the lyric didn't take a cue from the music and go somewhere more interesting.

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As a writer and a listener' date=' I've grown tired of love songs, particularly when the melody and atmosphere is cool enough to carry a more unique story.[/quote']

 

Yes, but this has got the beginnings of an interesting love story.

 

Nice tune so far. The bass and drums are great.

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I've emerged from my rock...

And there was me thinking you'ld been basking in the sunshine of all those excellent EP reviews…...smiley-wink

 

I think the new track is good (Don't listen to Justin).

Reading the lyric didn't grab my attention, but it all hangs together as words and music when listening (as it often happens).

 

So goforit…….

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The world is pushing us to be together... Love
Whoops. I didn't mean to post that line along. But that line is the crux of the song for me. All the back and forth at first had me a little disappointed too, but the idea of having that resolve and knowing the world is pushing you two together. That makes it fly right there. I suppose that was what I was hearing when I suggested changing out the second verse somewhat. Maybe it's a point of view issue that could be explored in that second verse. Magnet and steel, rivers and ocean. But something with a real back-and-forth not just a one-way attraction or repulsion. Some detail about wanting sugar in your tea and not wanting sugar in your tea. I think exploring other natural occurrences of this on and off again would be really interesting. I really think there is something there and what you've done Justin. And just to restate, the way you work the melody on the lyrics in the chorus is golden.
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Thanks everyone. It's the chorus that I really like and has been in my head for months. I'm not sure what direction to take it yet... but it will be on my mind until I can get something going on it.

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The one thing that bugged me is probably just personal taste. As a writer and a listener' date=' I've grown tired of love songs, particularly when the melody and atmosphere is cool enough to carry a more unique story.[/quote']

 

 

Yes, but this has got the beginnings of an interesting love story.

 

I always have listened to Justin....always.

 

Love and its attendant emotions...desire, need, etc., are always excellent fodder for songs because of their intensity and depth. I agree that they can get boring if they are not plumbed deeply enough to discover all of the hidden subtle nuance of such a complex set of emotions. In this case I like the back and forth aspect.

 

I just finished one that is a good example......lingering love that may be hindering a breakup. Smile. I won't post it here......it's at the top of my linked catalog.

 

I like how this song starts musically....that guitar sounds pretty good....especially as it gets close to breaking up a little. Love the chorus....I can tell that it has been with you for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

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Definitely something there. I agree with Lee that the half-time chorus is really cool.

 

The one thing that bugged me is probably just personal taste. As a writer and a listener, I've grown tired of love songs, particularly when the melody and atmosphere is cool enough to carry a more unique story.

 

Again, probably just me, but I had a twinge of disappointment that the lyric didn't take a cue from the music and go somewhere more interesting.

 

Yeah, love songs bug me, too - there are so many other interesting things to write about.* At heart, I'm just an eternal eleven-year-old.

 

But most music fans like love songs, and I'm pretty sure that anyone who does would like Bee's. Tight, catchy. The understated guitar parts are real ear candy. My advice to Bee: Just keep going - you're on a wave!

 

Del

 

*Some of my favorites: Food, booze, cowboys, cowgirls, cars, trains, trucks, bars, diners, guitars, salvation, redemption, damnation, life, death, fate, going home, leaving home, the road, working-class heroes, desperadoes, troubadours, gamblers, prophets, fools, hoboes, bums.

 

Of course, all those can be love songs, too. Sometimes it just depends on point of view. Is "El Paso" a love song, a gun, song, cantina song, or a horse song? Quien Sabe?

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I've emerged from my rock... made myself get into the studio last night to lay down this idea that's been in my head. Just a verse and chorus so far...

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1156187&songID=12837430

 

Back and Forth

 

We've broken into two what was once was one

We've shattered all the joys that once were fun

Yet every time I fall you pick me up again

Brush me off and send me packing

 

Back and forth we drift into each other's consciousness

The world is pushing us to be together love...

 

 

Loven this, particularly the force of the chorus. Looking foward to hearing more!

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I got no problem with love songs.

 

Bee's is a good one. He's got the gift for finding that place between too general (a Hallmark card) and too specific (a tweet).

 

The theme of yo-yo relationships ("You Keep Me Hanging On," "It Hurts To Be Kind," "Bits and Pieces," "Hello, It's Me") has stood the test of time, and Bee has come up with a new spin.

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Hey Justin this is really wonderful Feels like two different songs, in a good way. The chorus is trippy in a way I could never write. very cool.

 

It feels like there should be even more of tone a shift on "love"...like the song should stop, or go half time (or quarter time I guess). Or it needs some trippy sounds.

 

I'd call it "Back and Forth (We Drift)." Just seeing it called "Back and Forth" kind of bummed me out...irrational I know.

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I'm going to keep the theme... I have no issue with love songs as long as they're not cheesy... and I'm hoping this one isn't. Martin - I like your idea for the 'love' part.

 

So I have an idea for the 2nd verse... but am struggling with the last line. The first two lines will depart from the original melody, but the second two will be in the same pattern as in the first verse.

 

We've broken into two what was once was one

We've shattered all the joy that once was fun

Yet every time I fall you pick me up again

Brush me off and send me packing

 

Back and forth we drift into each other's consciousness

The world is pushing us to be together love...

 

We are kind of like the land and sea

When waves reach the shore eventually

A moment in the sun, we exist as one

​But dissipate in the whitewater

 

I'm not crazy about the last line... but hopefully it gets across the point. Could use some different language suggestions.

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I like it! Some ideas to either convince you you already have it or to spur you on...

 

We are kind of like the land and sea

When waves reach the shore eventually

A moment in the sun, we exist as one

​But dissipate in the whitewater

 

We are kind of like the land and sea

When waves reach the shore eventually

A moment in the sun, we exist as one

Then pulled apart / away / back home / from home by the hungry tide / undercurrent / undertow / eddy's swirl

 

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Yeah, I was thinking at first something about the waves crashing on shore... but then things slipping away as the water or energy retreats back into deeper water. But couldn't figure out how to word it.

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The metaphor is good but needs tidying up.

How about:

 

We are like the sand and the sea

Where waves reach the shore eventually

For a moment as one, we are then undone

As lunar tides determine our fate

 

(Ebbing tides determine our fate)

 

(As the tides determine our fate)

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I love the whitewater bit, wonderfully visual, so maybe merging a few ideas...

 

We are like the sand and the sea

Where waves reach the shore eventually

For a moment as one, we are then undone

Dissipating in the white water

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