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  • #76
    Originally posted by bee3 View Post
    Martin must be smoking the funny stuff while his family is away.

    Oh man...what's wild is this is one of those things that would take 10 seconds to communicate in person. I originally thought the drawn out 4-bar break after the chorus (2 bars F, 2 bars G) was kind of turgid. Just get back to the groove. Not sure how you solve the F - F progression, but you can. But I like the F-G after the 2nd chorus...I love it when the chorus grows a little every time.

    Just so we're clear I think this song is awesome as is - I'm just throwing out what I would tweak. It's nothing mission-critical.

    I'll have to take a picture of my living room recording studio. It's frickin' awesome. 2.5 more weeks, let's see how many songs I can finish!!!
    Last edited by mbfrancis; 07-16-2014, 06:24 PM.

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    • #77
      This reminds me a bit of some of Brian Wilson's mid-70s output.
      “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

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      • #78
        OK. I've almost come full circle here. I've nixed the double-time chorus. I've focused on the drums. I haven't yet shortened the first chorus and don't know that I will. I need to get away from this song!

        http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12859130

        Stepping away from this for a while. I'm growing to hate it.

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        • #79
          Don't hate it - it's tickity-boo. You may be sweating over detail that most of us don't hear. When the concept is really good, it can easily carry a bit of rough detail (if there is any).
          'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
          CHARLIE PARKER

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          • #80
            It's a good idea to nix the double time chorus. Step away if you want, but please don't hate this song.... or call it finished until I can pass along my idea.

            I'll be in my office around 10 this morning, so you can call the office then if you want.
            Last edited by Oswlek; 07-17-2014, 04:58 AM.
            Don't listen to Justin.
            LCK - 2/21/2012

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            • #81
              Originally posted by bee3 View Post
              OK. I've almost come full circle here. I've nixed the double-time chorus. I've focused on the drums. I haven't yet shortened the first chorus and don't know that I will. I need to get away from this song!

              http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12859130

              Stepping away from this for a while. I'm growing to hate it.
              Any other comments on this last version before I put it to bed for a few weeks?

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              • #82
                I think this is freaking great. The only thing it needs is a little time away from it. And honestly... just get a drummer and great rhythm player to come in and bash on it. It's that kind of tune. You gotta pull in the ringers on this one. You need Keith and Charlie. Your work is fine, but this needs some very confident swagger and 'tude.
                __________
                Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                Jesus

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                • #83
                  Originally posted by Lee Knight View Post
                  I think this is freaking great. The only thing it needs is a little time away from it. And honestly... just get a drummer and great rhythm player to come in and bash on it. It's that kind of tune. You gotta pull in the ringers on this one. You need Keith and Charlie. Your work is fine, but this needs some very confident swagger and 'tude.
                  Oh yeah... I plan on getting my buddy Zil on drums and Avery on guitars... and my brother on bass. Maybe I just need to get to that point as a next step.

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                  • #84
                    ^^^ Exactly.
                    __________
                    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                    Jesus

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Yeah, real drums will make a huge difference. Hopefully you don't get to the point that you have no interest in hearing my alternate chorus before I can get a demo to you, though. Damn home remodel!
                      Don't listen to Justin.
                      LCK - 2/21/2012

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                      • #86
                        Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on.

                        http://picosong.com/PMZn/

                        Two things.

                        1) In my head, I hear an echo of "driftintoeachother" at 0:11 and 0:29.

                        2) I think it would be cool if you had an instrument, maybe an electric guitar, playing your current vocal melody under this melody. So the vocal breaks things up a little, but the music keeps the motif running. Best of both worlds.

                        Take it or leave it, it's your choice.

                        Edit: Now I'm wondering how it might work with both vocal lines going. The lead taking my approach and the backing vox doing yours. In my head it sounds awesome!
                        Last edited by Oswlek; 07-18-2014, 11:17 AM.
                        Don't listen to Justin.
                        LCK - 2/21/2012

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                        • #87
                          Thanks Os... haven't given it a good listen yet. My wife is away and I've got the three kids. I'm currently sitting poolside watching them swim. But it's kind of noisy out here and I can't hear well through the laptop speaker.

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by Oswlek View Post
                            Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on.
                            http://picosong.com/PMZn/
                            That's nice, reminds me of the Willy Wonka World of Imagination song.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by Oswlek View Post
                              Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on.

                              http://picosong.com/PMZn/

                              Two things.

                              1) In my head, I hear an echo of "driftintoeachother" at 0:11 and 0:29.

                              2) I think it would be cool if you had an instrument, maybe an electric guitar, playing your current vocal melody under this melody. So the vocal breaks things up a little, but the music keeps the motif running. Best of both worlds.

                              Take it or leave it, it's your choice.

                              Edit: Now I'm wondering how it might work with both vocal lines going. The lead taking my approach and the backing vox doing yours. In my head it sounds awesome!
                              It's interesting... but I'm not sure I'm sold though. It eliminates one of my favorite parts, which is where 'consciousness' ends on that 9th in the Am chord. Thanks for the suggestion though.

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                              • #90
                                Well, you could bring that bit back like so...

                                Back and forth we driftintoeachother
                                Each other's consciousness (this would sound exactly as it is right now)
                                Back and forth we driftintoeachother


                                I dropped "consciousness" because it didn't feel necessary to me, but neither is "the world is pushing us together" when you get right down to it, since that is conveyed with or without it.

                                Of course, you could do both by having the backing vox do the original lyric and the lead do this one (or vice versa).

                                I like this idea because it gives it strikes me as a good balance between leaning on your motif while offering a touch of texture. But it's your tune, so do whatever works for you.
                                Don't listen to Justin.
                                LCK - 2/21/2012

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