Members rickidoo Posted June 8, 2014 Members Share Posted June 8, 2014 I posted "Liza Jayne" maybe a year ago. I never thought the feel of the music was what I wanted - which was to be fun. So I tried a different approach. All comments 'appreciated. Liza Jayne (v2.5)©2014 Rick Dieffenbach & Annunciata Pascale INTRO ADDED FROM V1: <<<< Update June 10Smoother than moonshineFiner than wineLet me tell youAbout an old friend of mine... V1: Way back in schoolWhen Mini-skirts, and long hair was coolRemember when, we hid from the teachersAnd what we did, behind those bleachesLiza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame V2: Time moved on4 in our 20’s, we played our songsWe Danced, ‘around, the liv'en roomYou and I got so in tuneLiza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame .. you're still my flame BRIDGE:You and I, have been togetherYou and I’ve seen stormy weatherYou and I, will always beThe very very very, best friends indeed V3: Middle AgeAre just more candles on a cakeLight them up, and blow 'em out‘Cause you and I, are here and nowLiza Liza Liza Jayne, you’re still my flame you’re still my flameyou’re still my flameyou’re still my flameyou’re still my flame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 This is very cool - LOVE the kazoo!! ha! Couple of things that may have been asked in the original post - I couldn't find it. Way back in schoolWhen Mini-skirts, and long hair was cool (maybe should be "were" cool)Remember when, we hid from the teachersAnd what we did, behind those bleaches (what are bleaches??)Liza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame Time moved on4 in our 20’s we played our songs (is this "for in our 20's"? Or am i missing something?)We Danced, ‘around, the living roomYou and I got so in tuneLiza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 This is very cool - LOVE the kazoo!! ha! Couple of things that may have been asked in the original post - I couldn't find it. Way back in school When Mini-skirts, and long hair was cool (maybe should be "were" cool) Remember when, we hid from the teachers And what we did, behind those bleaches (what are bleaches??) Liza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame Time moved on 4 in our 20’s we played our songs (is this "for in our 20's"? Or am i missing something?) We Danced, ‘around, the living room You and I got so in tune Liza Liza Liza Liza, Jayne, you’re still my flame . Thanks Stick. The old song is here. Note that the 1st 20 seconds sounds like a different song; I did not include that intro in the new version. I missspelled. Should be "bleachers", which in my school were great places behind to hide. The 4.. 20.. is ah... a reference to something that is ... ah... only legal in Colorado in the US. I think I will use the word "for" instead in the lyrics. Will look at was/were. My degree is in engineering. So that explains why I am probably wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Thanks Stick. The old song is here. Note that the 1st 20 seconds sounds like a different song; I did not include that intro in the new version. I missspelled. Should be "bleachers", which in my school were great places behind to hide. The 4.. 20.. is ah... a reference to something that is ... ah... only legal in Colorado in the US. I think I will use the word "for" instead in the lyrics. Will look at was/were. My degree is in engineering. So that explains why I am probably wrong! Long hair was cool is fine but I think if you are saying mini skirts AND long hair then "were" I think! Still don't know what bleachers are ! ha! might be a US thing?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 Long hair was cool is fine but I think if you are saying mini skirts AND long hair then "were" I think! Still don't know what bleachers are ! ha! might be a US thing?? Bleachers are benches set up so each row behind rises up. Like a grand stand? Seating in an auditorium that rise as it goes back? This is were American kids have sex and smoke pot. Great tune Rick! It's light without being silly. That's a freaking fine balance that you have mastered. When Stick said he loved the kazoo I thought... oh no. But that is awesome! Great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm actually shocked that Stick doesn't know "bleachers." I guess American cultural imperialism isn't yet complete. I would love a good 4-20 reference here - maybe something repeating like, "for twenty, for twenty, for twenty years I stuck around"? Anyone listening would get it. At least the stoners would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 We will fight them on the bleachers.... Oh Yeh I get it now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 We will fight them on the bleachers.... Oh Yeh I get it now Hey now... !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm actually shocked that Stick doesn't know "bleachers." I guess American cultural imperialism isn't yet complete. I have to confess also to have never seen nor heard the word before Rick put it in his song. I had to dive for the dictionary. Had to look up 'sex' and 'pot' from Lee's explanation as well……. Nice Rick - it has good bounce and zing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 10, 2014 Members Share Posted June 10, 2014 Nice changes to this one. One thing I'd change is your tendency to throw away some of the lines. Some you sing with a full voice, some you sort of toss off as if they didn't matter or you're not 100% sure of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted June 10, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'm actually shocked that Stick doesn't know "bleachers." I guess American cultural imperialism isn't yet complete. I would love a good 4-20 reference here - maybe something repeating like, "for twenty, for twenty, for twenty years I stuck around"? Anyone listening would get it. At least the stoners would. >>> This was a great idea 4..20.. 4..20, which I played with some, but I could not figure out how to impliment it. I wish it could have worked. We will fight them on the bleachers.... Oh Yeh I get it now >>>>> :-) I have to confess also to have never seen nor heard the word before Rick put it in his song. I had to dive for the dictionary. Had to look up 'sex' and 'pot' from Lee's explanation as well……. Nice Rick - it has good bounce and zing. >>> Thanks Git. High praise! :-) Nice changes to this one. One thing I'd change is your tendency to throw away some of the lines. Some you sing with a full voice, some you sort of toss off as if they didn't matter or you're not 100% sure of them. >>> You are right. Although in this case, its more that I have certain things I want to get across in the lyrics and can't seem to smoothly nail the way to convey it. So I guess you are right, unsure... ===================== I updated the song, to include the old introduction. I feel I can now check this one off my list and move on. Thank you everyone for your feedback, comments and time. Best, Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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