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  • Please review my second song

    The Kid From Peru here. Yall gave me some great advice on the song I posted last week (my first solo creation) such as using 2 different guitars, panning stuff etc. Here is a rough draft of my new one it is called California (how ****************in original). Anyway please give your honest feedback its just a draft for now so I really wan't to know how to improve it.

    www.soundclick.com/thekidfromperu

    the song again is California...thanks in advance...

  • #2
    are you really from Peru?
    “Immortal” poets have bemoaned divine aggression against man’s puny shape.
    Tell me about reality noble bards, as your flesh confetti floats across the abyss!
    Being is this clash; it is spilled blood churning through the heart of Ghost Cheetah.

    Comment


    • #3
      I wish I'm a New Yoka...

      Comment


      • #4
        Shoot its too fast isn't it?

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm going to download it right now and take a listen!

          (I'm on dialup - I'll be back later with my review... )
          HCGB #289
          God FAQ

          http://www.soundclick.com/g33k

          Comment


          • #6
            I'm not big on your production, but damn - you've written a couple of good songs here man!

            And your voice is great.. It has a wonderful character... you need to work on it, and take it serious. I really do love it.

            If there is one thing I'll say about this song, it's kind of a while in the middle of the song between choruses... It seems to meander a little, and I 'lost' the hook...... Not sure how else to put it.


            Nice job!
            HCGB #289
            God FAQ

            http://www.soundclick.com/g33k

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by bluefoot
              Shoot its too fast isn't it?


              I didn't think it was too fast at all...I liked it at that tempo. It's a good tune, but I thought it was a bit long. When the chorus came back after the first bridge, I thought we were on our way out, and then the second bridge came along. I thought both bridges were fine, but I would use one or the other...to me, the tune began to drag with the last round of choruses.

              Production-wise, it's very similar to the first song you posted, so I think you're going to get a lot of the same comments.

              Thanks for sharing...
              “Jazz is not dead. It just smells funny.” - Frank Zappa

              http://www.soundclick.com/ryanbeavers
              http://www.myspace.com/ryan_beavers

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks tamoore I just really don't know what I'm doing with production I really wish I had someone who knew this stuff who I could watch....Btw I only had time to listen to your first song (every time), you are definately a good writer...and you have a nice voice and good production...basically I hate you

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by rcb


                  I didn't think it was too fast at all...I liked it at that tempo. It's a good tune, but I thought it was a bit long. When the chorus came back after the first bridge, I thought we were on our way out, and then the second bridge came along. I thought both bridges were fine, but I would use one or the other...to me, the tune began to drag with the last round of choruses.

                  Production-wise, it's very similar to the first song you posted, so I think you're going to get a lot of the same comments.

                  Thanks for sharing...


                  Thanks I only offically have one bridge can you tell me the time in the song you are referring to as the first bridge, perhaps I could make some changes but I'm not sure where you are referring to...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    This is what I considered the first bridge:

                    can you hear the ocean as it calls to you
                    can you see the bluest sky you never knew...


                    And the second:

                    I been hold out sold out
                    tryna wait the cold out...


                    Maybe you're not considering both of them bridges, but that's what they sounded like to me. I don't know...labels, schmables.
                    “Jazz is not dead. It just smells funny.” - Frank Zappa

                    http://www.soundclick.com/ryanbeavers
                    http://www.myspace.com/ryan_beavers

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Ahh I see, ok off to see bobby vinton in atlantic city...ah to have friday free.....

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