Acoustic Song - Safe

[guitarizt]

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=789376

 

i dont know what to do in these situations

id like to be there for you anyways

if i could turn back time and give into temptation

i wouldn't let you leave on that day

 

no no no it's not right it's not ok

no no no it's not clear it's not safe

 

just dont be mad at me im doing the best i can

with what was given to me and with what i think i am

dont ask me to be strong enough to hold up the world

i dont wanna know if it was a boy it was a girl

 

no no no i dont love i dont care

no no no it's not real it's not there

 

and i shouldn't feel the pain that i do

and i shouldn't still be in love with you

and it ends happily ever after

and life goes on and life goes on

[blue2blue]

I wasn't able to follow the lyrics very well, your vocal is a little buried. If you'd like constructive crit on the lyrics, it might help to post them. It sounded like the song might have a fairly serious subject matter (Is it about a pregnancy? I caught a line about how the singer didn't want to know if "it was a boy or girl," I think) but I really couldn't follow them.

 

Anyway, it sounds like the melody follows the quickly shifting chord changes fairly schematically. I suspect that as you sing and write more that your melodic construction may become a little more free and I think that will help your songs... right now the combination feels kind of choppy. Part of this is because you're singing your syllables in a sort of staccato fashion. I recognize that you're probably a little unsure of your voice and that may be at least part of the issue.

 

Anyway, if you'd like some constructive crit on the lyrics, post 'em up here and I'll try to keep an eye out for them.

 

[Chicken Monkey]

Anyway, it sounds like the melody follows the quickly shifting chord changes fairly schematically. I suspect that as you sing and write more that your melodic construction may become a little more free and I think that will help your songs... right now the combination feels kind of choppy. Part of this is because you're singing your syllables in a sort of staccato fashion. I recognize that you're probably a little unsure of your voice and that may be at least part of the issue.

 

Yep. It sounds like you recorded the vocal and acoustic at the same time, and doing it in two passes would make the playing, singing, and listening all way better.

 

I kind of like the chorus--oh no no... Catchy.

[guitarizt]

 

Yep. It sounds like you recorded the vocal and acoustic at the same time, and doing it in two passes would make the playing, singing, and listening all way better.

 

 

I'll try doing it separately sometime this week even tho I hate my voice mic'ed. I'll have to wait until no one's home. =)

[guitarizt]

bump for safe2. what do you think any better?

[Chicken Monkey]

That sounds a lot better. I still like the chorus, and the verses need ironing out. The meter is all {censored}ed. I really like the innocent quality in the vocal.