Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hello Just written another new one - i have ideas for some instrumentation so it may seem a little repetitive as it stands - thoughts? This Endless Flame you tell me nothings changinghow the water isnt rising in the seahow theres nothing more beautiful than angerhow theres nothing more beautiful then me see the colours of the rainbowhow they dissipate with rainseems the cause brings on the healingseems the healing will blanket all the pain but im coming backinto your arms againfor there is no wayto turn to smoke this endless flame Hear the sound of distant drumming?Or your heatbeat in your ears?Feel the tension slowly slippingdown the hillside where we spent all of those years Find a place to lose your burdensyouve been bearing them too longlet this open space surround youlet the wind carry all your wrongs so im coming backinto your arms againseems there is no wayto turn to smoke this endless flame SOLO I know there is a feverrunning deep under your skinforming lightning in your fingertipscausing thunder to break from deep within so listen to me close dearlet these words fill up your pagethere is beauty in my dictionthere is silence in your rage so im coming backinto your arms againseems there is no wayto turn to smoke this endless flame [video=youtube;gLUmY1pQ4DQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLUmY1pQ4DQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 If I wasn't in a meeting right now... I'd listen. I really like your stuff... Just curious, what you use to record these artsy b&w vids? Reading through, I'm a big fan of this:I know there is a feverrunning deep under your skinforming lightning in your fingertipscausing thunder to break from deep within Curious to hear it because the last line seems like it would have too many syllables. Will report back shortly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hello - just got a little canon ixus stills camera that does video (in black and white) nothing fancy Yeh on paper some of the lines look a little wrong - i think they fit fine in melody I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 17, 2011 Moderators Share Posted March 17, 2011 Ooh! I just heard something in my head. This would sound great to the drum feel and basic groove of The La's There She Goes. And... I thing your chorus' second line (into your arms again), the melody, is too much like the rest of the verses. I'd go somewhere else there melodically to set it apart and offer a better contrast and relief. And... I want your guitar. And... I like these lyrics a lot. And... I was just listening to Juno Reactor and drinking coffee at work so... take what I say with a grain of salt. Or artificial sweetener. Or something... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Ooh! I just heard something in my head. This would sound great to the drum feel and basic groove of The La's There She Goes. And... I thing your chorus' second line is too much like the rest of the verses. I'd go somewhere else there melodically to set it apart and offer a better contrast and relief. And... I want your guitar. And... I like these lyrics a lot. Hmmm i was thinking some reverby toms and a bit of snare to give it a mood rather than a rhythm track - i may try a more poppy version but its not what i had in mind Yeh chorus is a little similar - i want it to feel like part of the song rather than an obvious chorus and am hoping that some nice harmonies will differentiate it enough from the verses - but will see And no - sorry you cant have my gibson! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Ooh! I just heard something in my head. This would sound great to the drum feel and basic groove of The La's There She Goes.And... I want your guitar. Hell, I'll settle for his hair! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hell, I'll settle for his hair! wow this forum getting freaky take my guitar - take my hair - the clothes off my back - i need nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 wow this forum getting freaky take my guitar - take my hair - the clothes off my back - i need nothing. Take no offense... I'm genuinely envious of your songwriting skills (and your hair!). Oh, I'll take your guitar too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 I really like it. Great potential. The extended C chord that starts the chorus seemed too simplistic with just a guitar but I'm sure you have some layering in mind there. "Turn to smoke this endless flame" also struck me as being a little akward, expecially compared to the rest of the lyrics. I like "this endless flame" so if there is an issue, it i with the first part. I'm sure this will be a doozy when you are done with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matximus Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 I beg you... please stop. This hurts.... It's painful to hear your work... because you make so many of us novices look bad when you drop {censored} like this that is so far in a different class than even the {censored} you even hear from most professional recording artists... I'd like to say your enviable talent for & commitment to songcraft is inspiring... but it really does just make me kind of depressed.... I'm not saying I'm Salieri and you're Mozart. I'm saying I'm the guy who is jealous of the guy who strings the violin for the guy who makes him sick: a back-up violinist who hates and would kill to replace the-third string-violinist in an awful & forgotten Salieri opera... who is jealous and spiteful of the first-string violinist that's green over Salieri.... That's how far down the talent & jealousy chain I am...from you... In fact, I might only just be the guy that's jealous of the guy who only gets to empty the bed-pan of the first guy, the violin-stringer. I don't even get to touch the guy that touches the violin.... Anyway: Great song. Great start. It's amazing raw. Can't imagine what you'll do with it polished and recorded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matximus Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hello - just got a little canon ixus stills camera that does video (in black and white) nothing fancyYeh on paper some of the lines look a little wrong - i think they fit fine in melodyI hope. And That's what I'm talking about - right there. Absolutely. It works splendidly as a whole. A song's not words on a page. The whole thing works together well - I haven't listened to your stuff in a while but you only seem to be getting better at crafting winning material that showcases the best of your voice, words, and playing. I think what you have that a lot of really good songwriters have is, well, great raw gifts in your voice and musical sense - but even more than that you seem to have a clear sense of who you are as a person and an artist. I get that cause to my ears I didn't hear a false step in this work. The biggest problem a lot of people have and I certainly have is knowing who I am and exactly what I want to say in a song. And then making the right choices to balance all ingredients at hand to get that across in a good way. You make all that {censored} look easy. I'm gushing too much. I know. But I get jazzed about people who are good at stuff I really appreciate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks guys - im not entirely sure what im going to do with it yet but looking forward to getting it in the studio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Just listened... really excellent. I'd buy your album my friend. Need any wurli/rhodes/organ on it? I'm your man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 You have some good suggs already...I would like to know how many mics you are using...it sounds like the vocal is on a different mic than the guiatar...or is it post fx's your using? On to the music...its good raw, but some soft drums or xylophone for accents and bass is all it appears it would need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 You have some good suggs already...I would like to know how many mics you are using...it sounds like the vocal is on a different mic than the guiatar...or is it post fx's your using?On to the music...its good raw, but some soft drums or xylophone for accents and bass is all it appears it would need. How many mics? Fx? Are you talking about the video? I just stuck my little camera on a box and press record - its got one little built in mic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Just listened... really excellent. I'd buy your album my friend. Need any wurli/rhodes/organ on it? I'm your man. Cool - i will see how i get on Do you have these actual instruments? I have plug in versions whicj i can use fine but if you are offering the real thing then i will bare it in maind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Ok, the video camera has a mic and thats all you use?...got to get me one o those... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 It's reminiscent of early Dylan, especially "Love Minus Zero/No Limit." One suggestion, "Let the wind take all that you've done wrong." Or something like it. You've got so many exact rhymes all through the piece, particularly within that particular structure, it kind of sticks out. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 I have Fender Rhodes Mark II (Suitcase model)... I have a Nord Electro 73 which has really nice wurli and rhodes sounds. I do have a digital Hammond and two leslies... but only 1 microphone, so recording live organ would be a challenge. That being said, for demos, the Nord has some really nice Leslie/Organ sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Good spot! I will see if i can work a line ending in "wrong" instead of "wrongs" Its not actually bothering me but if it sticks out to the listener then its at least worth seeing if i can fit something You're on it Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Good spot!I will see if i can work a line ending in "wrong" instead of "wrongs"Thanks! No problemo. It's a very nice piece of work, as always. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted March 17, 2011 Members Share Posted March 17, 2011 Very nice! Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kennychaffin Posted March 18, 2011 Members Share Posted March 18, 2011 Wonderful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 6, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 6, 2012 Sorry to dig up an old thread - but i never got round to recording this properly and id like to just one point (made by LCK) Find a place to lose your burdensyouve been bearing them too longlet this open space surround youlet the wind carry all your wrongs Saying wrongS instead of wrong (no s) was sticking out would it be bad to simply say let the wind carry all your wrong the alt suggested was "let the wind take all you've done wrong" which certainly fits.... but the previous line is saying how you have been bearing your burdens for so long...so id like the wind to "carry" them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 6, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 6, 2012 "carry all your wrongs" is the one That phrase makes perfect sense to me. It sounds great to me. The phrase "to right these wrongs" works. So why not here as well. I think you've got it. So, the usage of "wrongs" is fine. The added 's' when you don't have one on 'long' is fine for me as well. I love the verse and see no issues at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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