Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I had an idea last night... and the melody is stuck in my head. So today, I'm trying to put words to it. I want a simple song... and want to try one that doesn't have a huge chorus, which would be a departure for me. So, wide open to suggestion here. Too Much Too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Ouch. I'm already cringing at the second half of the second stanza. Absolutely cringing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 5, 2012 Too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 5, 2012 Ouch. I'm already cringing at the second half of the second stanza. Absolutely cringing. Sure, that V2 2nd half it could be less... whatever... but I'm really impressed with the scheme and your execution. I'd hold tight to that and work things to get closer to your own language. It's a very solid start. I'm not even sure that is there is a problem. But I tend to think that and others come along with great improvement ideas so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 The second half of V2 felt a little flimsy to me at first read, but I'm sure you'd have me melodically sold by then anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 The second half of V2 felt a little flimsy to me at first read, but I'm sure you'd have me melodically sold by then anyway. Not much else rhymes with reason and season, other than treason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I like the 2nd verse, especially season/trees and/reason rhyme. I'd give it slight tweak. Too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I hear you. Did you dip into the "pleasin'" well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I hear you. Did you dip into the "pleasin'" well? Damn... nope. That might have made it easier... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'm aiming for under three minutes on this one. God help me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'm aiming for under three minutes on this one. God help me... You can do it Are you planning on doing one more verse? FWIW, I'd consider switching the order of two you have now and then adding a third. That way you'll have 1) I want to lay down2) I want to wake up3) possible idea for the 3rd - I want to go back to sleep I know you're not interested in doing a big chorus but a repeated refrain at the end might be fun Too much... I'm tired of doing too muchI want to sleep till I wake upToo much... I'm tired of doing too muchI want to sleep till I wake up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 You can do itAre you planning on doing one more verse?FWIW, I'd consider switching the order of two you have now and then adding a third.That way you'll have 1) I want to lay down2) I want to wake up3) possible idea for the 3rd - I want to go back to sleepI know you're not interested in doing a big chorus but a repeated refrain at the end might be funToo much... I'm tired of doing too muchI want to sleep till I wake upToo much... I'm tired of doing too muchI want to sleep till I wake up Funny... even before I knew you were logged on, I had a feeling you were going to make the suggestion you did, about the order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Funny... even before I knew you were logged on, I had a feeling you were going to make the suggestion you did, about the order. Am I that predictable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I haven't landed on any kind of arrangement yet. I was strumming guitar last night, had a simple progression and came up with the melody. When I woke up this morning, it was still there... in my head. But yeah, three verses are probably in the cards. Too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Am I that predictable? No, but you made the same comment on one of my other tunes... I guess you're a linear thinker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 "Tired of being burden bound" is such a great line. In case you can't tell, I'm really looking forward to this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 "Tired of being burden bound" is such a great line.In case you can't tell, I'm really looking forward to this one. Well, wish me luck... it's in a very high register. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 No, but you made the same comment on one of my other tunes... I guess you're a linear thinker. I wasn't exactly sure what this meant so I googled it and came across an online test. http://www.onionmountaintech.com/files/Global-Linear%20Activity.pdf I don't know how good it is but it only took 5 minutes. I figured what the hell? It said I am more of a global thinker. But I did notice that when it comes to song craft I tend to be very focused on details, order, etc... not so much with anything else though. Weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 It's a very solid start. I'm not even sure that is there is a problem... Not so far. I like it a lot. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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