Members LCK Posted April 2, 2012 Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 I think I can get this in under the allotted time. Still working on the tune (and the last verse). She Takes Pictures She takes pictures,lost in her camera lens.My heart fracturesto know we're only friends. Actors, rock stars,and denizens of style:she takes their picturesthe way she takes my smile. Bridge:L.A. to London, St. Bart's to Big Sur,there's an always-changing viewseen through her aperture.Though I wish that we could clickthat development's in doubt.She's always focused elsewhere,her shutter shuts me out. Once, we were lovers,before she rose to fame.Now I'm in all her pictures,just slightly out of frame. Words & Music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 2, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 2, 2012 Ha!!! That's great. I love: L.A. to London, St. Bart's to Big Sur,there's an always-changing viewseen through her aperture. I love it all actually. But Big Sur/aperture. Well, that just pretty darn golden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 2, 2012 Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 Love it. I really like the twist in the 3rd verse, but as it reads now it seems like you are still in all the pictures she is taking. A simple fix would be to make it past tense. Once, we were lovers,before she rose to fame.I was in all her pictures,just slightly out of frame. This is a really cool one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 2, 2012 Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 I love this line: She's always focused elsewhere The verses give me a different vibe than the bridge. In the latter, the pain seems more immediate, as if they are still "lovers" in that they still share a bed, but not in the actual relationship. The verses feel more like a guy thinking back on a girl he knew a while ago who has gone on to be successful in her field. I think you'd have a better story if you mined that immediate angle a little more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted April 2, 2012 Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 she takes their pictures the way she takes my smile. Wow! Helluva line right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 2, 2012 Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 I really like the lyric. You milked the terminology very well.I wondered what relationship possibilities there may be, 'depth of field', but I couldn't come up with anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 2, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 2, 2012 'depth of field' Good one. I don't know if I can work it in, but it's good. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 5, 2012 A lyrical upgrade/improvement (I hope). She Takes Pictures Intro:See that girl with the camera? She Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 5, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 5, 2012 Icon of the Nikon set?!?!??! How cool is that? You are on fire. And nice job with the depth of field. I love it more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 5, 2012 Members Share Posted April 5, 2012 Yes, this has a much more consistent relationship between the verse and bridge. I have to admit to being sad to see "she's focused elsewhere" go, but "her focal point" is a decent substitute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 5, 2012 Members Share Posted April 5, 2012 Yes, this has a much more consistent relationship between the verse and bridge. I have to admit to being sad to see "she's focused elsewhere" go, but "her focal point" is a decent substitute. also agreed. The only thing that stuck out to me was "her focal point" and also the way you set up "share her depth of field." It sort of felt forced to me. Maybe you could combine the two. 'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 5, 2012 Members Share Posted April 5, 2012 agreed!also agreed. The only thing that stuck out to me was "her focal point" and also the way you set up "share her depth of field." It sort of felt forced to me.Maybe you could combine the two.'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason. I might be full of crap too. Rereading that bridge is pretty solid! Can't wait to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 5, 2012 'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason. Okay, there used to be a fairly cheap Kodak camera that came with a film cassette. It was called an Instamatic camera, probably to imply that it was like a Polaroid, where you got instant pictures (or fairly instant; they took about 30 secs. to develop). You didn't have to roll the film into the camera; the cassette took care of that. And while it had a simple lens (probably plastic), it took pretty good pictures for your family vacation, your high school graduation, etc. The term eventually was applied to any point-and-shoot camera, where you didn't have to fool with focus, f-stops, or shutter speeds. It's (or it was) about as far as you can get from a professional camera. So it fits the idea that this is a simple guy who's been drawn into the rarefied world of a world-class fashion/celebrity photographer. It's a dated reference, so I was initially hesitant to use it. But "Instamatic raptures" sounds so cool... I tried to keep "her focus is always elsewhere" but the tune kept steering me to this new version. Oh, and while I don't really feel the way the guy in the song does, this song is based on a real person. In fact, some filmmakers did a documentary on her about 5 years ago, and you can see my foot, and my shadow in a couple of the scenes! Those scenes came from some old footage she shot herself, back in the early 1990s, a few months before she became a professional photographer. (I was coaxed into being her assistant on her first job, which was the cover for a J. Crew catalogue shot at Coney Island.) We met in 1983, when she was an aspiring model. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 6, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 6, 2012 I'm old so I know what Instamatic is. Irregardless, it's a great word with a cool rhythm and tasty consonants that pop in your mouth like smelt roe. Gotta use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 6, 2012 Members Share Posted April 6, 2012 This is your Kodachrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 6, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 6, 2012 This is your Kodachrome. I tried Kodachrome, but felt it would automatically imply a connection to Paul Simon. Plus, as Lee says, Instamatic feels so good on the tongue when you sing it... LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 6, 2012 Members Share Posted April 6, 2012 I tried Kodachrome, but felt it would automatically imply a connection to Paul Simon.Plus, as Lee says, Instamatic feels so good on the tongue when you sing it...LCK Oh, I wasn't suggesting you try using Kodachrome... just stating that this is your Kodachrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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