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April Block Buster Challenge -- "She Takes Pictures"

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  • April Block Buster Challenge -- "She Takes Pictures"

    I think I can get this in under the allotted time. Still working on the tune (and the last verse).


    [CENTER]She Takes Pictures

    [LEFT]She takes pictures,
    lost in her camera lens.
    My heart fractures
    to know we're only friends.

    Actors, rock stars,
    and denizens of style:
    she takes their pictures
    the way she takes my smile.

    Bridge:
    L.A. to London,
    St. Bart's to Big Sur,
    there's an always-changing view
    seen through her aperture.
    Though I wish that we could click
    that development's in doubt.
    She's always focused elsewhere,
    her shutter shuts me out.

    Once, we were lovers,
    before she rose to fame.
    Now I'm in all her pictures,
    just slightly out of frame.

    [CENTER][SIZE=1]Words & Music
    “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

  • #2
    Ha!!! That's great. I love:

    L.A. to London,
    St. Bart's to Big Sur,
    there's an always-changing view
    seen through her aperture.


    I love it all actually. But Big Sur/aperture. Well, that just pretty darn golden.
    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

    Comment


    • #3
      Love it. I really like the twist in the 3rd verse, but as it reads now it seems like you are still in all the pictures she is taking. A simple fix would be to make it past tense.


      Once, we were lovers,
      before she rose to fame.
      I was in all her pictures,
      just slightly out of frame.


      This is a really cool one.
      ...

      Comment


      • #4
        I love this line:

        She's always focused elsewhere


        The verses give me a different vibe than the bridge. In the latter, the pain seems more immediate, as if they are still "lovers" in that they still share a bed, but not in the actual relationship. The verses feel more like a guy thinking back on a girl he knew a while ago who has gone on to be successful in her field.

        I think you'd have a better story if you mined that immediate angle a little more.
        Don't listen to Justin.
        LCK - 2/21/2012

        Comment


        • #5
          she takes their pictures
          the way she takes my smile.


          Wow!

          Helluva line right there.
          Leonard Scaper

          Comment


          • #6
            I really like the lyric. You milked the terminology very well.
            I wondered what relationship possibilities there may be, 'depth of field', but I couldn't come up with anything.
            'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
            CHARLIE PARKER

            Comment


            • #7
              'depth of field'


              Good one. I don't know if I can work it in, but it's good.

              LCK
              “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

              Comment


              • #8
                A lyrical upgrade/improvement (I hope).


                [CENTER]She Takes Pictures

                [LEFT][FONT="]Intro:
                See that girl with the camera?[/FONT] [FONT="]
                She
                “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

                Comment


                • #9
                  Icon of the Nikon set?!?!??! How cool is that? You are on fire. And nice job with the depth of field. I love it more.
                  __________
                  Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yes, this has a much more consistent relationship between the verse and bridge. I have to admit to being sad to see "she's focused elsewhere" go, but "her focal point" is a decent substitute.
                    Don't listen to Justin.
                    LCK - 2/21/2012

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yes, this has a much more consistent relationship between the verse and bridge. I have to admit to being sad to see "she's focused elsewhere" go, but "her focal point" is a decent substitute.



                      also agreed. The only thing that stuck out to me was "her focal point" and also the way you set up "share her depth of field." It sort of felt forced to me.

                      Maybe you could combine the two.

                      'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason.
                      ...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        agreed!




                        also agreed. The only thing that stuck out to me was "her focal point" and also the way you set up "share her depth of field." It sort of felt forced to me.

                        Maybe you could combine the two.

                        'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason.


                        I might be full of crap too. Rereading that bridge is pretty solid! Can't wait to hear it.
                        ...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          'Instamatic raptures' is such a cool sounding phrase. Can you explain what you mean by that? I don't think it should be changed or anything I'm just not getting my head around it for whatever reason.


                          Okay, there used to be a fairly cheap Kodak camera that came with a film cassette. It was called an Instamatic camera, probably to imply that it was like a Polaroid, where you got instant pictures (or fairly instant; they took about 30 secs. to develop). You didn't have to roll the film into the camera; the cassette took care of that. And while it had a simple lens (probably plastic), it took pretty good pictures for your family vacation, your high school graduation, etc. The term eventually was applied to any point-and-shoot camera, where you didn't have to fool with focus, f-stops, or shutter speeds.

                          It's (or it was) about as far as you can get from a professional camera. So it fits the idea that this is a simple guy who's been drawn into the rarefied world of a world-class fashion/celebrity photographer.

                          It's a dated reference, so I was initially hesitant to use it. But "Instamatic raptures" sounds so cool...

                          I tried to keep "her focus is always elsewhere" but the tune kept steering me to this new version.

                          Oh, and while I don't really feel the way the guy in the song does, this song is based on a real person. In fact, some filmmakers did a documentary on her about 5 years ago, and you can see my foot, and my shadow in a couple of the scenes! Those scenes came from some old footage she shot herself, back in the early 1990s, a few months before she became a professional photographer. (I was coaxed into being her assistant on her first job, which was the cover for a J. Crew catalogue shot at Coney Island.)

                          We met in 1983, when she was an aspiring model.

                          LCK
                          “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'm old so I know what Instamatic is. Irregardless, it's a great word with a cool rhythm and tasty consonants that pop in your mouth like smelt roe. Gotta use it.
                            __________
                            Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This is your Kodachrome.

                              Comment



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