Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 13, 2012 Moderators Share Posted September 13, 2012 Here's a start for I Shoulda Been an Actor. Ideas, input, remarks welcome. This is a WIP for sure... the vocal is not a keeper. http://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-lee-knight-3/i-shouda-been-an-actor-09-12 V1I was pissed off at the waitressWho forgot that I said creamI pointed at my cup of blackI needed the caffeineI said, "When you get a chance"A lie hidden in my smileSometimes you gotta charm the rank and file CI shoulda been an actorI shoulda been a starYou can't have a visionIf you don't know who you areDo you know who you are?Or who you coulda been?I shoulda been an actor V2Two deals closed by four thirtyAnd halfway through a thirdTell them what they wanna hearAnd no, yes in not a dirty wordI said, "You look like sex in that CamaroVenus in profileSometimes you gotta charm the rank and file CI shoulda been an actorI shoulda been a starYou can't have a visionIf you don't know who you areDo you know who you are?Or who you coulda been?I shoulda been an actor BA gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactorBrass star in concrete name between Cher and Max FactorSocially aware, damn right I care, late for the chiropractorA wave at the bleachers, red carpet overreacher and hot young starlet attractor. You know... an actor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chriscarnucci Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 Damn, that is just a well done piece. Everything about it is polished and profesional. Just plain awesome. That is what is meant by "radio ready." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 13, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 13, 2012 Damn, that is just a well done piece. Everything about it is polished and profesional. Just plain awesome. That is what is meant by "radio ready." Cool! Thanks! Now I'm hearing Jerry Lee piano "dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dinks" and then the pianist just going off during the bridge in a sort of English Music Hall pianist gone off the deep end on absinthe. Then a vocal harmony under in the chorus lead vocal. And the world famous Knight Singers (my daughter and wife and me) singing answers to the hook in those intros and outros I shoulda been an actor (I SHOULDA BEEN AN ACTOR!!!) I shoulda been a star (I SHOULDA BEEN AN ACTOR!!!) I shoulda been an actor (I SHOULDA BEEN AN ACTOR!!!) I shoulda been a star (I SHOULDA BEEN AN ACTOR!!!) Just creating a crazy overlapping of voices to make the point ten too many times! That, you know, this should have been an actor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 A lot of really great stuff going on here... I love the drum sound! How the hell do you do that? Please offer to program some of my drums for me. If you were going for an 80s type of sound without all the cheese of the 80s, you've succeeded. The cadence of the vocals really make the song... "Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file". I don't even know what it means, but it sounds really cool. The talking part is working... I wonder if some sort of vocal effect to make it sound different would be cool? Not necessary, but bullhorn or something might make it be... cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 13, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 13, 2012 A lot of really great stuff going on here... I love the drum sound! How the hell do you do that? Please offer to program some of my drums for me.If you were going for an 80s type of sound without all the cheese of the 80s, you've succeeded. The cadence of the vocals really make the song... "Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file". I don't even know what it means, but it sounds really cool.The talking part is working... I wonder if some sort of vocal effect to make it sound different would be cool? Not necessary, but bullhorn or something might make it be... cool. Absolutely on the fx for the bridge. I'm toying with the idea of double tracking like they do on rap records. Since it's spoken, it'll probably sound cool. And then maybe the lofi with tape overdrive sort of thing like you're referring to. Maybe triple track it and have the voices panned out, L-C-R. As for the drums? I cheated this time. Drums On Demand. $9.95 You search what they have and see if anything is close. They give you the tempo that lines up perfectly in your DAW. Then I cut the crap out of it to make it what I need. I did this once before with that heavy rock tune I did for a friend. As far as 80's vibe, yeah, I'm on a total Ian Dury kick. 80's with a nod to the 50's Gene Vincent, et al. There's Bari and Tenor in there. I might wanna have those hit some of the sting punches. Those BAH-dots! And some upright piano! But I'm not sure why you'd want me to program drums for you. I think you have it down... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 Absolutely on the fx for the bridge. I'm toying with the idea of double tracking like they do on rap records. Since it's spoken, it'll probably sound cool. And then maybe the lofi with tape overdrive sort of thing like you're referring to. Maybe triple track it and have the voices panned out, L-C-R.As for the drums? I cheated this time. Drums On Demand. $9.95 You search what they have and see if anything is close. They give you the tempo that lines up perfectly in your DAW. Then I cut the crap out of it to make it what I need. I did this once before with that heavy rock tune I did for a friend.As far as 80's vibe, yeah, I'm on a total Ina Dury kick. 80's with a nod to the 50's. There's Bari and Tenor in there. I might wanna have those hit some of the sting punches. Those BAH-dots! I forgot to mention the saxes that I thought I heard. They sound good... pretty realistic. May want to bring them up 1 or 2 dB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 I forgot to mention the saxes that I thought I heard. They sound good... pretty realistic. May want to bring them up 1 or 2 dB. And I've been eyeing up saxes on Craigslist... I used to play. I'd love to have one in my arsenal. The question is... alto or tenor? I'm thinking tenor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 13, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 13, 2012 I'll bring them up! I wanted that Madness sound with the Bari/Tenor so I tracked each horn separately and left all the timing issues so it's looseygoosey. And yeah... tenor. It says "sax". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 Two things jumped out at me as possibly needing help: 1) I think you want something in the space between the lines in the verses, if not the first than at least the second and a piece of development. You can probably come up with something better than I can, but I was thinking along the lines of the repetitive lick you do in "Joy Division". 2) I'm not sure the last line of the chorus gives enough punch. Delaying might work if you hit me with something strong, or perhaps have the arrangement swell more in that space. But as is, it felt flat. Otherwise, it is definitely on the right track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 I knew those drums sounded too good to be true. I love this production. The only thing that sticks out to me as a possible issue is using the phrase 'pissed off' right at the top of the song. By doing so you established a certain....attitude...that you don't necessarily hold to throughout the rest of the song. The other issue with that is...that's hardly 'bad language', but it may get in the way for some listeners if this song gets a chance at airplay so you need to decide if it is worth the risk. And this one has that potential. That 'rank and file' line is a real hook. Just listening again..... Maybe......I was miffed at the waitress Speaking of potential.....that bridge is a gold mine. Do all that stuff you said. Make it really stand out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 13, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 13, 2012 good point about pissed off and not really holding that tone later. I'll think about that one. Hmmm. Lost my patience with the waitressLosing patience with the waitress hmmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 The production is great. There are a few points, lyrically, that I think could be polished a bit more. A lie hidden in my smile What lie? Don't you mean hostility? Or a feeling of superiority? I don't know how you'd translate those into a one-syllable word, but to me "lie" seems out of place. Venus in pro-file The prosody here is way off. I doubt anyone listening would be able to make out what you're singing. I couldn't at first, and I was expecting that line. Besides, why would a car salesman be talking about Venus and her profile? It sounds written by a writer not spoken by some oily creep. A gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactor I like the rhythm, but Hollywood benefactor? It sounds like he donates to movie studios. How 'bout making him a benefactor of some lame celebrity charity instead? Brass star in concrete name between Cher and Max Factor There is no concrete on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Sidewalks are made of cement. Also, there's no need to say "name between..." Just "Brass star in cement between Cher and Max Factor." A wave at the bleachers, red carpet overreacher The bolded phrase feels like it has too many syllables/beats. Plus, what does it mean? Maybe "A wave at the bleachers, red carpet screechers..."? Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of really cool, Lee Knight signature lines in this tune. They're terrific. But a bit of spit and polish might make this even better. Anyway, that's what I think. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted September 13, 2012 Members Share Posted September 13, 2012 Sounds very nice - didn't knock my socks off the way the YouTube demo did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 Usual great Lee Knight material - you're becoming predictable - give the angry mob something to rip apart for a change....... 2 observations: With the repeating lines, I felt that the delivery became a bit relentless, and lost the emphasis they deserve. Try a micro-pause where I've put the slashes, and see what you think. V1 I was pissed off at the waitress Who forgot that I said cream I pointed at my cup of black I needed the caffeine I said, "When you get a chance" A lie hidden in my smile Sometimes you gotta charm the rank / and file C I shoulda been / an actor I shoulda been / a star You can't have a vision If you don't know who you are Do you know who you are? Or who you coulda been? I shoulda been / an actor V2 Two deals closed by four thirty And halfway through a third Tell them what they wanna hear And no, yes in not a dirty word I said, "You look like sex in that Camaro Venus in profile Sometimes you gotta charm the rank / and file C I shoulda been / an actor I shoulda been / a star You can't have a vision If you don't know who you are Do you know who you are? Or who you coulda been? I shoulda been / an actor B A gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactor Brass star in concrete name between Cher and Max Factor Socially aware, damn right I care, late for the chiropractor A wave at the bleachers, red carpet overreacher and hot young starlet attractor. .....this line here is so fast that it is garbled....can't really hear the words. You know... an actor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 Sounds all kinds of awesome Love the bridge, however.... I know you chose those names for the rhyme.... but cher and max factor? Wouldnt it make more sense to have your name up there between some GREAT actors? Pacino...Deniro... whatever.... its gonna mean a re-write for the rhyme though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 Sounds all kinds of awesomeLove the bridge, however.... I know you chose those names for the rhyme.... but cher and max factor? Max Factor was a make-up artist from the early days of silent pictures. He invented several forms of make-up to replace the heavy grease-paint that was being used at the time. He eventually became a household name, and the top make-up artist in Hollywood. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 The production is great. There are a few points, lyrically, that I think could be polished a bit more. A lie hidden in my smile What lie? Don't you mean hostility? Or a feeling of superiority? I don't know how you'd translate those into a one-syllable word, but to me "lie" seems out of place. Venus in pro- file The prosody here is way off. I doubt anyone listening would be able to make out what you're singing. I couldn't at first, and I was expecting that line. Besides, why would a car salesman be talking about Venus and her profile? It sounds written by a writer not spoken by some oily creep. A gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactor I like the rhythm, but Hollywood benefactor? It sounds like he donates to movie studios. How 'bout making him a benefactor of some lame celebrity charity instead? Brass star in concrete name between Cher and Max Factor There is no concrete on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Sidewalks are made of cement. Also, there's no need to say "name between..." Just "Brass star in cement between Cher and Max Factor."A wave at the bleachers, red carpet overreacher The bolded phrase feels like it has too many syllables/beats. Plus, what does it mean? Maybe "A wave at the bleachers, red carpet screechers..."? Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of really cool, Lee Knight signature lines in this tune. They're terrific. But a bit of spit and polish might make this even better. Anyway, that's what I think. LCK Lots of good stuff Lee. Profile, yep. I'll step back and really look at that one. I'm not so worried about "lie'. I think the idea is clear but I take some time to see if I can iron it out as well. Same with Hollywood benefactor. I think that is very clear and fits the character. It's less important who he imagines he'd donate to and more important that he's from Hollywood. But if I can find a descriptive that says all that, that would be great. I'll think on that as well. Regarding the concrete vs. cement. I thought already put you straight on that! Cement is an ingredient in concrete. If sides walks were made of only cement, they would be dust by now. As a material to create a sidewalk, in addition to portland cement, an aggregate is added, sand or stone, and water to bind the mixture and bring it stability and strength. This is called concrete and this is what they make sidewalks out of. Unless your sidewalks are a powdery mess, they are made of concrete too! BUT... I like the idea of dumping concrete anyway and trimming the sentence. Obviously that section was intended as a total jumble and thought. Perhaps too jumbled. I decided to stay with it and see if I could nail it before I cut it back. I nailed it almost... but I think it could stand trimming. So now, you won't have to be reminded of your misunderstanding of cement vs. concrete!!! Great suggestions on the lyrics. I try to polish that today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 Sounds very nice - didn't knock my socks off the way the YouTube demo did. What are you gonna do? I coulda stopped at the demo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 Max Factor was a make-up artist from the early days of silent pictures. He invented several forms of make-up to replace the heavy grease-paint that was being used at the time. He eventually became a household name, and the top make-up artist in Hollywood.LCK yeh...but he should have been an ACTOR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 Wouldnt it make more sense to have your name up there between some GREAT actors? Pacino...Deniro... whatever.... its gonna mean a re-write for the rhyme though Yeah, I know. That was a risk. The idea being that he really doesn't want to be an actor, he wants to be all the things those guys on Hollywood News are. Smart, fit, good looking, rich, lazy... always gets a great table. But, your idea of tapping into that acting legacy is interesting. Cher and Max Factor are a real slam to his integrity. Lee totally got the reference though. MF was a pioneer and a name on the walk of fame and one I always seem to see over the years. Even though I couldn't tell you where his star is. But yes, people here know the name well due to the cosmetics company name as popular as Revlon or Estee Lauder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 Yeah, I know. That was a risk. The idea being that he really doesn't want to be and actor, he wants to be all the things those guys on Hollywood News are. Smart, fit, good looking, rich, lazy... always gets a great table. But, your idea of tapping into that acting legacy is interesting. Cher and Max Factor are a real slam to his integrity. Lee totally got the reference though. MF was a pioneer and a name on the walk of fame and one I always seem to see over the years. Even though I couldn't tell you where his star is. But yes, people here know the name well due to the cosmetics company name as popular as Revlon or Estee Lauder. Yeh he is a big name here as well..... i dunno "cher and max factor" just seemed to come accross as a little cheesy... I know the song is super serious but.... well whatver you feel best LOVE the song though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 Usual great Lee Knight material - you're becoming predictable - give the angry mob something to rip apart for a change....... 2 observations: With the repeating lines, I felt that the delivery became a bit relentless, and lost the emphasis they deserve. Try a micro-pause where I've put the slashes, and see what you think. V1 I was pissed off at the waitress Who forgot that I said cream I pointed at my cup of black I needed the caffeine I said, "When you get a chance" A lie hidden in my smile Sometimes you gotta charm the rank / and file C I shoulda been / an actor I shoulda been / a star You can't have a vision If you don't know who you are Do you know who you are? Or who you coulda been? I shoulda been / an actor V2 Two deals closed by four thirty And halfway through a third Tell them what they wanna hear And no, yes in not a dirty word I said, "You look like sex in that Camaro Venus in profile Sometimes you gotta charm the rank / and file C I shoulda been / an actor I shoulda been / a star You can't have a vision If you don't know who you are Do you know who you are? Or who you coulda been? I shoulda been / an actor B A gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactor Brass star in concrete name between Cher and Max Factor Socially aware, damn right I care, late for the chiropractor A wave at the bleachers, red carpet overreacher and hot young starlet attractor. .....this line here is so fast that it is garbled....can't really hear the words. You know... an actor Interesting ideas. I'll take a look at the cadence on those lines tonight in the studio. And yeah, I wanted go for the crazy over the top too many words approach and nail it before I decide it may not be right. I think you're right and I'll trim things back a tad. Still keep the machine gun million thoughts a minute concept but trim it a little. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 14, 2012 Members Share Posted September 14, 2012 A wave at the bleachers, red carpet preacher and young starlet attractor. Could it be as simple as that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 Yeh he is a big name here as well..... i dunno "cher and max factor" just seemed to come accross as a little cheesy... I know the song is super serious but.... well whatver you feel best LOVE the song though! I like the joke of Cher and MF but I really do like your idea of using his heroes. It was my first thought as well. He wants to be between cool people. Of course. Put me between Elvis and George Martin. You know? The risk was putting him anywhere. Put me wherever the {censored} you want just put me! But those names might be distracting. I'll revisit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 14, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted September 14, 2012 A wave at the bleachers, red carpet preacher and young starlet attractor. Could it be as simple as that? It certainly could be. Thanks! Even nixing the "and". That's good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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