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  • Suzanne

    Working on a new tune. Musically it's pretty well worked out. (That's the way I do it). But I don't have a sonic version of anything recorded. But It's going well (for me) and I'm sure I'll finish it. It's inspired by a female friend. She is just a friend. But a nice one. Some couples have spent some time together this year on vacation. And I got to observe this woman in a closer-than-normal way. She struck me as a gracefully aging hippy type. Quite lovely woman in every meaning of the term. A little mannic and controlling. But endearing just the same.



    Anyrate I found a nice little musical pattern not too long ago and started messing with some ideas. I came up with an opening stanza and decided to go with the modern day Suzanne approach. Here's the opening verse:



    Rolls out her mat and the sun comes up

    And strikes a pose to greet the new day

    There's purpose in her gaze

    And peace on her face

    I often think of her that way.




    The song will be: Verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus. (1st verse above)



    The verses will progress timewise through a day. The 3rd verse will be something like (very rough):



    Pours out some wine as the sun goes down

    Raise a glass to another day

    Satisfaction in her gaze

    And mischief on her face

    I often think of her that way




    The chorus will likely be something like:



    Take my hand Suzanne

    Show me the way to your promised land

    La, la

    La, la

    I'll often think of her that way




    . . . , VERY rough. I'm not even sure where I want to go with this one. The idea is to have this aloof, untouchable, uncontrollable, figure that totally mystifies the protagonist. Much like Leonard Cohen's Suzanne. (That's not really the way I feel about this person. But for the purpose of a good song, I use the experiences around me as fodder for an imaginary journey. )
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
    http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
    http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

  • #2
    I like what you've got so far, and I am getting a picture of this woman, but the shadow of Leonard Cohen hangs heavily over the song.
    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Dj Facebook Tumblr

    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

    -Coco Chanel

    Comment


    • #3






      Quote Originally Posted by rsadasiv
      View Post

      I like what you've got so far, and I am getting a picture of this woman, but the shadow of Leonard Cohen hangs heavily over the song.




      Yeah, + it seems like the song should be titled "I Often Think of Her" or "I Often Think of Her That Way."



      What you've got so far is really nice. Well done.



      LCK
      “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

      Comment


      • #4
        Very cool. I love the picture you've painted of her. I get her. When it comes to the chorus though, while I like how you're trying to bring it all to a head with the:



        Take my hand Suzanne

        Show me the way to your promised land




        ...and frankly, that probably works, the first thing that goes through my mind is asking her to take your hand? Your back story does not paint a picture of you being in a position of wanting to be led into the promised land by her. Instead, you've painted yourself as an admiring onlooker, who sees her as she is. So the idea of you floating into the promised land in an Exodus to the promised land feels a bit of a stretch from the truth you've created here.



        But... note in each verse how there is a mention of her gaze.



        There's purpose in her gaze



        and



        Satisfaction in her gaze



        What is it she's gazing at. Her past? Her dreams? Her creator? Her soul? Is that outward gaze really a look inside? And you really do want to be led to her promised land. But maybe instead of calling it the "promised land" you want to be led to the place she's looking at in that gaze of hers.
        __________
        Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
        Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
        Jesus

        Comment


        • #5
          Musically it's very different than Leonard's tune. So there'll be no musical confusion. You can't copyright a title, so there's that. But still it would likely be considered a derivative work. Which is OK by me. I don't expect to ever get anywhere with these silly tunes I waste so much time on.



          But I just HAVE to do this writing thing. If per chance if this gets some attention BECAUSE of it's similarity, then I'll be famous for something.



          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
          http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
          http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

          Comment


          • #6
            It's very rough Lee. I already understand that. It could be "She takes my hand, Suzanne." There are multiple, multiple, multiple ways this could go. And that's the burning question for me. I can spin verses on this thing till the cows come home. But what is it I want to SAY about the relationship of these two people. Who's doing what to whom? And at this point I don't have a clue. But that will be something I have to solve (and it will be in the chorus) before I can get this baby up and running.



            Part of why I love writing songs is it helps me work out feelings. Nothing is black and white. Nothing is exactly like it seems on the surface.



            PS - The gaze and face lines in the verses are a device I use often where I try to take a common image and spin it differently with each passing trip. But I hadn't thought of a deeper meaning to that. But thanks for opening that door.
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
            http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
            http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

            Comment


            • #7
              Somewhat amusing coincidence:



              http://acapella.harmony-central.com/...1#post46747524
              Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Dj Facebook Tumblr

              Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

              -Coco Chanel

              Comment


              • #8
                And also, I'm not tied to any particular ending for this relationship. It doesn't have to mirror my reality or any specific reality. It just has to have an aura of it's own reality that the listener can believe.



                That's why I say I don't have a clue where i want to go with this. I just want to do the characters justice.
                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                Comment


                • #9






                  Quote Originally Posted by Marshal
                  View Post

                  It's very rough Lee. I already understand that. It could be "She takes my hand, Suzanne." There are multiple, multiple, multiple ways this could go. And that's the burning question for me. I can spin verses on this thing till the cows come home. But what is it I want to SAY about the relationship of these two people. Who's doing what to whom? And at this point I don't have a clue. But that will be something I have to solve (and it will be in the chorus) before I can get this baby up and running.



                  Part of why I love writing songs is it helps me work out feelings. Nothing is black and white. Nothing is exactly like it seems on the surface.



                  PS - The gaze and face lines in the verses are a device I use often where I try to take a common image and spin it differently with each passing trip. But I hadn't thought of a deeper meaning to that. But thanks for opening that door.




                  Of course, my post was not a critique of what you've done. I realize where you're at with it. My comment about the example chorus idea was to point out how you might be taking a turn there that is not in your gut but rather your head. Look at your little synopsis here...








                  She struck me as a gracefully aging hippy type. Quite lovely woman in every meaning of the term. A little mannic and controlling. But endearing just the same.



                  I think you've captured the unbolded bits quite well. A little manic... yeah you got that to, you hit that with her "mischievous" side. But a little "controlling?" Now that's interesting. When I read that bit, I liked her. You'd completed the picture in a nice subtle way. She's not supergoddess. She a real woman. Nice.



                  "Endearing just the same".



                  ^^^ Damn straight! I want some of her Lentil soup now. With bee pollen please. I've got a picture of a person and one that you like very much. Get that into your lyric.
                  __________
                  Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                  Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                  Jesus

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I saw that Rad. Though I didn't read the link. Yeah, I've been up and down on the whole Suzanne thing on this from the start. It could collapse under overexposure. But the thing is I really enjoy the musical pattern. and I love the Yoga image of the verse. I just don't know if i want to take it to the derivative level. It was a quite honest and original and special idea that kicked the tune off. And I don't want to cheapen it by the easy comparison.



                    I'm conflicted.



                    But it's just another silly worthless song.
                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                    http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                    http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                    Comment


                    • #11






                      Quote Originally Posted by Marshal
                      View Post

                      I saw that Rad. Though I didn't read the link. Yeah, I've been up and down on the whole Suzanne thing on this from the start. It could collapse under overexposure. But the thing is I really enjoy the musical pattern. and I love the Yoga image of the verse. I just don't know if i want to take it to the derivative level. It was a quite honest and original and special idea that kicked the tune off. And I don't want to cheapen it by the easy comparison.



                      I'm conflicted.



                      But it's just another silly worthless song.




                      I with you. Forget all that and write your song.
                      __________
                      Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                      Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                      Jesus

                      Comment


                      • #12






                        Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                        View Post

                        . . . , But a little "controlling?" Now that's interesting. When I read that bit, I liked her. You'd completed the picture in a nice subtle way. She's not supergoddess. She a real woman. Nice.




                        Thanks



                        You see, I want the chorus to show that, though she's alluring and playful, she's always IN CHARGE of what's going on. The relationship is only going where she decides it will go. In a way, that remind's me of Leonard's Suzanne. He's infatuated, but she's ultimately out of reach.



                        It's a universal story that plays itself out every day of the week, and twice on Sunday.
                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                        http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                        http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          you make me mad, Suzanne

                          You're always so in charge

                          And I love you for it, Suzanne

                          A supergoddess, wanted and at large

                          Maybe I just want what you've got, Suzanne

                          A look into the promised land
                          __________
                          Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                          Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                          Jesus

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Nice try. Too direct for me. Explains too much. I want it to be more unresolved. Plus the cadence of the musical chorus is very different.



                            I suppose I'm going to have to come up with a quickie mp3 of this partial thing, if we're going to go anywhere. Not today. But maybe tomorrow. Friday for sure.
                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                            http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                            http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Just bear in mind Marshall, I'm not trying to write it for you, only feeding you ideas. Of course, and for many unknown reasons, that's not right for you. It never occured to me it might be. It's only feeding the machine, bro.
                              __________
                              Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                              Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                              Jesus

                              Comment









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