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The Line She Wasn't Supposed to Cross

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  • The Line She Wasn't Supposed to Cross

    A basic idea. I don't know if it's any good. Do you think this has promise? Any ideas for verses?

    The line she wasn't supposed to cross
    Was getting smaller in her rear view mirror
    Flipped the coin she was too scared to toss
    As she drove on outta here
    Better to roll on down the road
    Then to stay here gathering moss
    Leaving behind the line she wasn't supposed to cross


    One idea for verses might be the concept of Exit 1, Exit 2... like you have on long trips. But Exit 1 was probably the 7-11 they used to get people t score them beer at. And maybe Exit 34 was a couple towns over where some relatives live. Then the State Line and then...

    I don't know. Any thoughts? Too cliche?

    Or maybe the lyric above is a verse. Then I write another with the crossed line idea using other shades of the concept. Then write a simple repetitive chorus around

    The line... she wasn't supposed to cross
    The line... she wasn't supposed to cross
    No time... for silly dreams and wishing on the Southern Cross
    Crossing the line... she wasn't supposed to cross.

    Didn't Rhino or Bee or Ow just have a tune like this? ****************.

    *Updating here as I go:

    The line she wasn't supposed to cross
    Was getting smaller in her rear view mirror
    Flipped the coin she'd been too scared to toss
    As she drove on outta here
    Freedom comes at a cost
    One... thing... found... for something lost
    Leaving behind the line... she wasn't supposed to cross
    ___

  • #2
    Yuck on "roll on down the road" and not much more love for "gathering moss".

    How about having a twist at the end where after a couple of verses of her leaving the white line behind her she crosses over the yellow line next to her and gets into a head-on collision with an 18 wheeler?
    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Facebook Tumblr

    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

    -Coco Chanel

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    • #3
      Yeah, the "rolling down the" was actaully trying to twist the cliche of the rolling stone gathering no moss. Then I stepped in another cliche. Oops. Yeah, I can fix that. Or I can just intentionally cross the yellow line as you suggest and be done with it.

      Maybe I'll step away now before I invest time in too cliche of an idea. I think so.

      done

      ___

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      • #4
        or... take the idea of "the line she wasn't supposed to cross is in her rear view" as pure metaphor. Strip it of any other travel/car references. I like the idea of the title. It could be pure metaphor though. Hmmm... that would effectively kill the cliche feel. Maybe?
        ___

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        • #5
          I wouldn't leave it just yet.

          I like the idea as a chorus....maybe even to start the song out. It made me want to know more about how that line got there. A relationship most likely. What could she have done?

          Call her man out on something? An affair perhaps that had been ongoing and tacitly accepted for all that time? Maybe she finally got tired of it and decided it was time to go. Or.......maybe she found someone of her own and it gave her the courage to 'cross that line'.
          Leonard Scaper

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          • #6
            And....I would keep her the car.

            That makes for a good vehicle for her musings (verses).

            Oh......did I just say that?:facepalm:
            Leonard Scaper

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            • #7
              or... take the idea of "the line she wasn't supposed to cross is in her rear view" as pure metaphor. Strip it of any other travel/car references. I like the idea of the title. It could be pure metaphor though. Hmmm... that would effectively kill the cliche feel. Maybe?


              It could.
              ...

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              • #8
                She could be leaving town because she had an abortion, and the abortion was the line. Maybe she isn't running away. Maybe she got kicked out.
                ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  She could be leaving town because she had an abortion


                  Hmmmm, awfully....specific. Could be hinted at though, right. That has been known to work.:wave:

                  I mean.....who really knows what Billy Joe MacAllister was throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.
                  Leonard Scaper

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                  • #10
                    TBH it sounds like the teaser for a movie on Lifetime.
                    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Facebook Tumblr

                    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

                    -Coco Chanel

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hmmmm, awfully....specific. Could be hinted at though, right. That has been known to work.:wave:

                      I mean.....who really knows what Billy Joe MacAllister was throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.


                      Whether you come out and say it or just hint at it, you either have a specific story in mind or you just let the rhymes write it for you.

                      The whole notion of "This is meant to be interpreted many different ways... I'll let the auidence figure it out" gets old to me.
                      ...

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                      • #12
                        TBH it sounds like the teaser for a movie on Lifetime.


                        Or what happened to one of my sisters, but I see where you are coming from.

                        I wonder if it is a coincidence that she really likes Lifetime?
                        ...

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                        • #13
                          The whole notion of "This is meant to be interpreted many different ways... I'll let the auidence figure it out" gets old to me.


                          I actually quite agree.

                          In the case of this song I think keeping her in the car and following her specific thoughts while driving is a good direction to go in. I like that idea about using different exits as turning points on the story line.
                          Leonard Scaper

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                          • #14
                            How about...

                            The line she never meant to cross.
                            Or
                            The line she never thought she'd cross.
                            Or
                            The line she never crossed.

                            The ideas are endless here.
                            <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=575709" target="_blank">http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=575709</a> or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/ccarnucci" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/user/ccarnucci</a></div>

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                            • #15
                              Didn't Rhino or Bee or Ow just have a tune like this? ****************.


                              You may be thinking of my "She Hurries Toward the Light." I really need to get back to that.

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